Worst of the Night: January 13, 2011

Pretty much sums it up, don't you think?
The Washington Wizards Generals: The Generals opened the night 0-18 on the road. But hey, they were playing the Timberwolves, right? Even the Associated Press described Minnesota's Target Center as "the arena where losing streaks come to die." What's more, the T-Wolves had lost five in a row and Michael Beasley, Minny's biggest scoring threat, was out with a sprained ankle.

That had to mean "Winning Time" for Washington...didn't it?

Nah. After all, Beasley's absence was evened out by the fact that Andray Blatche missed the game with a sprained right shoulder. On top of that, the Generals got too much love. Too much Kevin Love, that is. Love finished with 35 points and 11 rebounds while going 13-for-18 from the field and 5-for-6 from three-point range.

Speaking of Love, the dude leads the league in rebounding and just cracked the Top 10 in Three-Point Percentage. And he's a double-double machine. According to ESPN Stats and Information, this was Kevin's 26th straight double-double. What's more, he's only the fifth player over the last 25 seasons to have a double-double in at least 26 straight games.

The funny thing is, a lot of commenters on this site have been getting really excited about Blake Griffin's double-doubles while kind of scoffing at Love's. I'm sure that has nothing whatsoever to do with the fact that Blake is making highlight reels while Kevin looks like he should be making moonshine in the backwoods of Kentucky.

Anyway, Washington actually had a four-point lead with just under six minutes to play...then got outscored 19-3 the rest of the way to lose 109-97. Love scored eight of those 19 points, including a couple ball-busting triples.

Said Generals coach Flip Saunders: "We expected Love to be a handful. We thought he had a chance to beat us. He basically beat us from the 3-point line."

Added Al Thornton: "This is a team we should beat. We just didn't close it out."

There you have it. When a team is 0-19 on the road, they should never, ever have the "this is a team we should beat" attitude. As Yoda would say...that is why you fail.

Said John Wall: "It's embarrassing. that we're the only team left that hasn't won on the road."

Bonus stat: Washington gave up 24 points off 18 turnovers.

Darko Milicic: His double-double (14 points and 11 boards) doesn't change the fact that he scored two points for the other team. A tip 'o the hat to Basketbawful winnetou for the video link.


Kurt Rambis, coach of the year candidate: "It seems like those games, that we've had where everyone's contributed and had a pretty decent game scoring wise, we seem to win the ballgame."

The Orlando Magic: Talk about stat curses.

First, Kevin Pelton of Basketball Prospectus described how amazing Orlando's offense has been since their blockbuster trade. Then ESPN's Tom Haberstroh proclaimed that this year's Magic squad is significantly better than the team that made it to the NBA Finals in 2009.

And just like that, Orlando immediately lost back-to-back games. On Wednesday night, their otherworldly offense utterly failed them in a 92-89 overtime loss to the Hornets. That's right: The Magic couldn't even break 90 points in a 53-minute game.

Last night, Orlando bounced back by scoring 124 points as Dwight Howard went all "God Mode" on the Thunder: 39 points, 18 rebounds, 11-for-19 from the field and 17-for-20 at the free throw line. You read that correctly. I said 17-for-20 at the charity stripe. As Basketbawful reader The Other Chris put it: "Dwight Howard went 17-20 from the line, what the f**k? Mommy I'm scared, is the apocalypse imminent?"

Unfortunately, the Magic's defense -- currently ranked 4th in Defensive Rating -- took the night off to watch Chuck reruns. To wit: The Thunder finished with 125 points on 56.4 percent shooting. Oklahoma City also went 7-for-14 from downtown and earned 37 free throw attempts.

And if you want to talk advanced stats, the Thunder established crazy high marks in Effective Field Goal Percentage (60.9), Offensive Rebound Percentage (34.4), Free Throws Per Field Goal Attempt (38.5) and Offensive Rating (137.4).

Compare those numbers to the league averages of 49.7, 26.2, 23.4 and 106.6. Now compare those to what the Magic's defense usually holds opponents to: 48.2, 22.3, 22.2, and 102.0.

Said Orlando coach Stan Van Gundy: "We just couldn't stop them at all, but particularly Durant and Westbrook. They're great players, they average 50 between them, but we gave them 68. Last night, it was our offense was awful and tonight we couldn't stop them at all. Obviously, our defense was bad, but we're just playing out of a hole every night. I don't like that trend. Whether we have to make changes in that lineup or something, but those guys -- we're just always in a hole now and that's not good."

Speaking of trends, did anybody take a close look at that nine-game winning streak that had Pelton and Haberstroh (and lots of other people) drooling in admiration? It started with a genuinely impressive homecourt win over the Spurs. It then continued with another home victory over the Celtics on Christmas day when Boston's offense (78 points and an Offensive Rating of 85.7) struggled mightily without Rajon Rondo (although it's worth noting that the Celts led most of the game before getting outscored 29-15 in the fourth quarter).

Then the Magic racked up victories over the Nets (10-28) and Cavaliers (8-30) before holding off the Knicks at home. Then they beat the Warriors (15-23), Bucks (14-22) and Rockets (17-22) in Orlando before downing the Dirk Nowitzki-less Mavericks in Dallas. And you'll note that the Mavs have gone 2-6 during Dirk's eight-game absence.

Look, the winning streak was impressive, and the wins over San Antonio and New York were legit. But the rest of the wins probably need to be put in context. Seven of those nine wins were against sub-.500 ball clubs or significantly weakened teams (Boston and Dallas). And even the wins over the Spurs and Knicks were in Orlando, and we all know how important homecourt advantage is.

So, you know, let's not crown the Magic just yet.

By the way, Basketbawful reader Ilkka sent in this image after the Magic lost to the Hornets. Mmm...Magic Steak...


Stan Van Gundy, quote machine: From the AP recap:

There's a belief among some in the NBA that the Skirvin Hilton, where the
Magic stayed, is haunted. "What haunts me are guys like Kevin Durant," Van Gundy
said. "So, I would say this building is haunted because of guys like him, as are
most of the buildings in the NBA. I haven't run into a haunted hotel, just
haunted arenas."

The Miami cHeat: With LeBron James sitting out because karma's a bitch due to a sprained left ankle, the cHeat suffered their worst loss of the season, a 130-102 drubbing by the Nuggets. Those are the most points Miami has allowed all season, by the way.

We all saw this loss coming, right? After all, James was out, Bosh and Wade both logged 40 minutes in the previous night's loss to the Clippers, and teams usually curl up in a ball and die when playing in Denver on the second night of back-to-backs. In fact, TNT flashed a stat that said the Nuggets are something like 46-9 in the Pepsi Center when their opponent is playing for the second night in a row.

Here are some numbers. Seven Nuggets scored in double figures. J.R. Smith scored a game-high 28 points and drilled a season-best eight three-pointers. Denver shot 53.3 percent from the field and hit nearly 50 percent of their threes (15-for-31). They outscored the cHeat 14-5 in transition and 50-34 in the paint.

That last number may be the most important. The Nuggets set the tone early on by getting whatever they wanted around the rim. Miami couldn't have made the paint more inviting if they'd filled it with feather pillows and stuffed animals. Once Denver got it going inside, that opened things up for their shooters. And, well, that was that.

Ultimately, I don't think this loss means all that much, given the circumstances. Well, other than (as Wild Yams pointed out) officially protecting the '96 Bulls 72-10 record from the cHeat and proving Jeff Van Gundy probably should have held off on the crazy predictions.

So instead, I'm going to address something that's been causing a little chatter, namely Henry Abbott's "defense" of LeBron James. From TrueHoop:

Say James did something specific that pissed you off. Say he didn't play where you wanted him to play. Say you thought the TV show was too much. Say he shouldn't refer to himself in the third person. Say you're disappointed or hurt. Who can argue any of that?

But that's not where the majority of James rhetoric lives. It goes far beyond that, with the normal position being to imply that you, NBA fan, has the information, the final word, on the totality of the man ... the whole complicated person ... and you know he's bad.

Every single person who has never met LeBron James, but "knows" he's bad ... well, that's somebody coloring way outside the lines. The public profile of this man does not nearly add up to that.

I have a blog with the word "true" in the title, and we live in a moment when the biggest story in the NBA -- the unchecked villainy of LeBron James -- is not true, or is at the very least unproven. So I am going go keep writing about that. Go back and read, though. My radical point is not to that he's tremendous. It's to ask: How do you know he's so bad? What evidence do you have? And if you don't have good evidence, can we just tone it down a little?

I get where Henry's coming from, and it reminds me of what Friedrich Nietzsche said in On Truth and Lies in a Nonmoral Sense (1873):

What does man actually know about himself? Is he, indeed, ever able to perceive himself completely, as if laid out in a lighted display case? Does nature not conceal most things from him - even concerning his own body - in order to confine and lock him within a proud, deceptive consciousness, aloof from the coils of the bowels, the rapid flow of the blood stream, and the intricate quivering of the fibers! She threw away the key.

This was going to lead into another Nietzsche quote. Unfortunately, I couldn't find the one I was thinking about, but (and I'm paraphrasing) it says something to the effect that "since we can't know ourselves completely, we can't possibly know someone else."

So from that standpoint, Abbott is correct. We can't prove LeBron is the NBA version of Dr. Evil. After all, James doesn't hold his pinky to his mouth when he laughs, and he certainly didn't spend five years in Evil Medical School. We don't know him and we'll never know him. If you believe Nietzsche, LeBron's friends and family will never really know him, and LeBron will never fully know himself...no matter how many times he refers to himself in the third person.

And yet, in the final analysis, if Henry is really committed to truth, he should understand that personal truths are and always will be subjective. Hey, according to some accounts, Adolph Hitler was devoutly religious. Moreover, he had a wife, and close friends, and millions of people who believed in him and his causes. It's horrible. But it's true.

In this world, "right" and "wrong" are not concrete, provable things. They are mostly about what you believe in. And, for good or ill, people have the right to decide whether they like or dislike other people based on observation, their internal code of ethics, and their personal biases.

After LeBron made his already-infamous "karma's a bitch" tweet, I said he was an asshole. Now, is his asshole-ness "provable" in the sense Abbott was talking about? Probably not. Last time I checked, science hasn't yet devised a way to quantify how much of an asshole somebody is or isn't. Damn you, science.

But that doesn't mean I don't have the right to observe and consider LeBron's behavior to determine whether he meets my own personal criteria for what an asshole is. And, not that I feel the need to justify my stance, I'm not only referring to the tweeting, the backtracking, or The Decision. Just go through the Basketbawful archives and you'll find years and years of words and actions that illustrate behavior I personally don't care for. Talking in the third person. The whole "I wanna be a global icon" thing. Refusing to shake hands in defeat and then justifying it by saying (in essence) that winners don't show sportsmanship. The Crab Dribble. The way his foot always seems to end up in his mouth.

I could go on and on, but, in my opinion, LeBron's behavior -- and I'm talking about what he says and does off the court -- is arrogant and narcissistic. And in the end, opinion is all we ever have to go on when judging the merits of human behavior. I have the right to make up my mind about whether or not I like LeBron the Man. And guess what? It has nothing to do with what I think about LeBron the Basketball Player. It's not like I'm denying his greatness on the court. I'm simply saying that, based on what I've observed over the last eight years or so, LeBron isn't somebody I'd want to be buddies with.

People make these decisions all the time. I bet there's somebody you don't like at work, and that dislike (or "absence of liking" if you will) is probably based only on what you know about them as a co-worker. You don't know what they're like at home or when they're out with their friends. You didn't grow up with them, go to high school with them, or attend college with them. Under those circumstances, they might have become your bestest friend ever. But as things stand...you just don't like 'em.

That's life. We set boundaries and draw lines in the sand all the time. Of course, there must be reasonable limits. Just because we don't like somebody doesn't give us the right to be abusive or violent -- in either words or actions -- toward them. Nor should it mean we refuse other people the right to like the people we don't. Just because I think LeBron James is a douchebag doesn't mean I would deny others the right to love and adore him if that's want they want. It may make me throw up in my own mouth, but I wouldn't blame them for it.

In truth, we'll never know everything that makes a person what they are. Nonetheless, it is each person's right to choose whether they like or dislike someone based on what we do know. And that's the truth.

Brandon Roy's knees: Roy will have arthroscopic surgery on both of his knees next week. Those poor knees. The Curse of the Frail Blazers continues...

Chris's Lacktion Report: Cartier Martin discovered the ledger yet again after tossing a brick from the Mary Tyler Moore statue for a +1 in 1:51. Minnesota's Nikola Pekovic provided two boards and a field goal in 10:06, only to foul and lose the rock thricely each for a 6:4 Voskuhl.

Worst of a Horrible Night: January 11, 2011

This is what it looks like when a team dies.
The Weather: After cheating all but about a thousand Charlotte area residents out of a gripping blowout of the Grizzlies, the weather robbed everybody in Atlanta of a thrilling matchup between two of the league's slowest teams (the Hawks and Bucks rank 25th and 24th in Pace, respectively). Until March 15th anyway. And did I mention Milwaukee is ranked 29th in Offensive Rating and dead last in PPG. How could you do this, weather? How could you?

The Philadelphia 76ers: Speaking of the weather, it limited the crowd of the Pacers-Sixers game in Philly to about 5,000 due to a pending snowstorm. Bummer, huh?

It was just as well, since the home team let Indy score 111 points on 51 percent shooting and end a nine-game road losing streak.

Homecourt fail.

By the way, I'm giving Andre Iguodala Worst Player of the Night dishonors for his triumphant return of one point on 0-for-7 shooting in 33 minutes.

Interestingly enough, the last time the Pacers won a road game was on November 30th against (of course) the Kings. Speaking of which...

The Sacramento Kings: Did you hear the news?! Arco Arena is going to be renamed Power Balance Pavilion. You know, after Power Balance bracelets. Basically, they're rubber bands that "improve" athletic performance, probably by reducing the weight of the athlete's wallet, leading to increased speed and vertical leap.

From their official Web site:

What is Power Balance?

Power Balance is Performance Technology designed to work with your body's natural energy field. Founded by athletes, Power Balance is a favorite among elite athletes for whom balance, strength and flexibility are important.

How Does the Hologram Work?

Power Balance is based on the idea of optimizing the body's natural energy flow, similar to concepts behind many Eastern philosophies. The hologram in Power Balance is designed to resonate with and respond to the natural energy field of the body.

Don't laugh. These claims may sound outrageous to the point of insanity, but they're real. Ever wonder how the Loch Ness Monster and Sasquatch have remained hidden all these years? Curious how Santa Clause delivers presents to every kid in the world in just a few hours? Have you questioned why the Dark Lord Satan hasn't dragged Kobe Bryant straight back to the pits of Hell from whence he came?

Here's the answer: They're all wearing Power Balance bracelets.

True story.

Anyway, the Kings must have been wearing Power Balance bracelets, because they went out and scored 133 points last night...

...but gave up 136 and lost to the Washington Wizards Generals.

The Minnesota Timberwolves: Wow. I mean, just, wow. Okay, so the Timberwolves had sliced and diced San Antonio's 16-point lead down to only six (68-62). Then, with about eight and a half minutes left in the third quarter, Minnesota native and NBA official Ken Mauer decided he had seen enough of the comeback.

Said Mauer: "YOU WILL RESPECT MY AUTHORITAH!" And he meant it.

Mauer tagged Darko Milicic and Corey Brewer with technical fouls for gesturing toward him on the same play. Timberwolves coach Kurt Rambis approached Mauer to discuss the techs and received two of his own (and the automatic ejection that came with them). Seconds later, Mauer T'd up Kevin Love because Love threw up his arms and yelled after Tim Duncan raped him on a rebound attempt.

That made a total of five technical fouls and one ejection in 10 seconds. Manu Ginobili drilled all five of the ensuing free throws and suddenly the T-Wolves were down 73-62. They played the Spurs even the rest of the way and lost 107-96.


Love -- who had yet another Animal-Style double-double of 20 points and 20 boards -- said: "I've never seen that before. Five in a row, that had to be a first. That was crazy."

Added Michael Beasley: "I've never seen that. Never. I've seen simultaneous Ts on different teams. But on the same team, that was a first. It's been happening all year. ... I don't like getting five Ts in 30 seconds, but you've got to see where the refs are coming from. If they feel you're out of place, they've been doing it all year."

Even Manu felt a little bad for the Timberwolves.

"I was glad it was us shooting," Ginobili said. "It was kind of awkward. It was strange."

The Phoenix Suns: This is getting uglier by the day. The Suns appeared to be catching the Nuggets at just the right time. Denver was mired in a three-game losing streak and, with Carmelo Anthony trade rumors swirling around, the ship appeared to be going down faster than the Titanic. Sure enough, Phoenix raced out to a 32-20 lead after one quarter...

...then got outscored 82-40 in the second and third quarters.

The Suns shot 36 percent while the Nuggets shot nearly 56 percent. The 44 points Denver scored in the second quarter represented a season high. Carmelo Anthony had a double-double (28 points and 10 boards) and Arron Afflalo made it fucking rain, scoring a career-high 31 points on 11-for-14 shooting. In fact, Afflalo, a shooting guard, outrebounded Suns starting Center Robin Lopez 9-1.

It was that kind of night.

From the Elias Sports Bureau (via ESPN Stats and Information):

The Nuggets trailed the Suns 32-20 at the end of the first quarter, but rallied to win, 132-98. Denver set an NBA record during the shot-clock era for largest margin of victory for a team that was behind by at least 12 points heading into the second quarter.

By the way, that 34-point margin of defeat was the largest ever suffered by Phoenix against the Nuggets. Historic fail.

Said Steve Nash: "It feels like there's a little lack of cohesion and chemistry. I don't feel like we're getting that performance and effort that we're accustomed to, and that's disappointing. It seems like when we lose the momentum, we just go downhill fast. It's like we stop believing. We're all concerned and disappointed. We've got to keep fighting; that's all we can do. You can't cry about it; you've got to keep fighting."

I'm pretty sure that's what Apollo Creed was thinking right before Ivan Drago beat him to death.

As for that "lack of cohesion and chemistry" Steve is talking about, Robert Sarver let STAT walk, then overpaid for Channing Frye and Hakim Warrick, then traded for Hedo Turkoglu, then flipped Turkododo and Jason Richardson -- who was probably their best player not named "Nash" -- for Vince Carter, whom the Magic were eager to dump because he's limping his way to the NBA Glue Factory.

There's no cohesion because shit doesn't stick.

The Cleveland Cavaliers: When the Mayans prophesized an apocalyptic, worldwide disaster in the year 2012, maybe they were right. Maybe they just overshot the mark by a year. And maybe that "apocalyptic, worldwide disaster" they predicted was actually the Cleveland Cavaliers. It makes more sense than John Cusack outrunning an earthquake, right?

Anyway, I keep thinking things can't possibly get any worse for Cleveland. I just keep thinking it. And I keep being wrong. So very, very wrong.

Heading into last night's game against the Lakers in L.A., the Cavaliers had lost 10 straight and 19 of their last 20 games. They were already an NBA-worst 8-29. On top of that, they were without starting center Anderson Varejao, who tore a tendon in his right ankle while running at practice, Joey Graham (right quad strain), Daniel Gibson (left ankle sprain), Leon Powe (right torn meniscus) and Anthony Parker (lower back strain).

And the Lakers beat them. And beat them. And beat them some more. The Cavs scoring, by quarter, went: 12, 13, 16 and 16. They finished with 57 points. And lost by 55.

Said Kobe Bryant: "You don't ever imagine something like that."

Somebody call 911 for the Cavaliers. Actually, forget it. It's too late for that. The box score reads like an autopsy report. None of Cleveland's starters scored in double figures. In fact, that unit combined to shoot 8-for-37. Some cat named Samardo Samuels came off their bench and went 1-for-12. It was just a remorseless slaughter. The Lakers pummeled them to death the way that, well, Ivan Drago pummeled Apollo Creed to death.

Sorry. I couldn't help myself.
More autopsy details from ESPN Stats and Information:

The Los Angeles Lakers made it look easy against the Cleveland Cavaliers Tuesday night at Staples Center winning 112-57. The 55-point win was the largest margin of victory in the NBA in nearly 13 years. The last time a team won by 55 or more points was on February 27, 1998 when the Indiana Pacers defeated the Portland Trail Blazers 124-59.

Cleveland's 57 points Tuesday was its fewest in franchise history. It was the fewest points the Lakers have allowed in the shot-clock era (since 1954).

The Cavs were 1-14 from 3-point range, committed 19 turnovers and scored just 25 points in the first half. Prior to Tuesday, Cleveland was 8-3 in its last 11 games against the Lakers scoring no fewer than 88 points in each game.

Here's more wood on the fire from Brian Kamenetzky of Land O' Lakers:

Since the advent of the shot clock (lest you think it recent, it's been around since the '54-'55 season), the fewest points allowed by the Lakers was 66. Tonight, they flat dusted that mark. Cleveland scored 12 points in the quarter, then 10 in the second. Coming out of the break, they EXPLODED for 16, and managed to repeat the feat in the fourth. Was it great defense? Incompetent offense? Something in the water?

I will say I witnessed quite simply the worst play I've ever seen at the NBA level, when Ryan Hollins, after blocking Kobe Bryant underneath led the Cavs up court, flanked by teammates on each side. He proceeded to more or less hand the ball to Pau Gasol, stationed about three-quarters of the way up to half court. Gasol flipped it to Kobe, who popped the ball off the backboard to Andrew Bynum for a dunk.

Effectively, Hollins turned a five-on-two break into a three-on-oh the other way as James Naismith flopped like a landed trout in his grave.

Said Cavs coach Byron Scott: "I thought that was embarrassing. I told them at halftime, 'You look scared. You look flat-out scared. You're playing against the world champions, and instead of just competing and playing hard, you look scared. You look scared to death.' That was my take on it, as simple as that. We knew it wasn't going to be easy, but to come out and not compete? There's no excuse for that. I'm embarrassed because of the way we performed. I'm a Cleveland Cavalier right now and the way we performed last night, that's embarrassing to me. I had one other team [New Jersey] come in and I thought we looked a little nervous. But that was the NBA Finals. I haven't had another team come in and look that scared."

You think that sounds bad?

Added Antawn Jamison: "It can't be any worse than this. If it is, someone will have to help me because I don't know how much of this I can take. This by far is rock bottom. It's definitely by far one of the most embarrassing moments that I've been a part of as far as basketball."

And this is from a guy who spent a combined 10-plus years playing for the Golden State Warriors and Washington Wizards Generals. Dude was on a 19-win team that started the seaon 6-30. Then he was the leading scorer on a 17-win team that lost 32 of its last 34 games...a stretch that included losing streaks of 8, 11, and 13 games.

So, yeah, Antawn knows what rock bottom is. And this is it.

Update! More angst from Antawn: "Fifty-five points? That's, like, impossible. We're professional athletes. How do you lose by 55 points? I don't care who you're playing against. I mean, if this doesn't hurt...I don't understand how we're able to have conversations in the locker room. There's nothing to talk about. We have to do some soul searching quick because no matter who we play, right now they feel like they can beat us. If we don't have a sense of pride and just play for yourself or something...this might be one of the worst teams to go through a season. The frustrating part about it is I know we're better than this. I don't know. Something has to change."

Update! Mo Williams Tweeted about what happened: "This shit is embarrassing. I feel like I can't even show my face in Cleve."

You know it's bad when you feel like you can't show your face in Cleveland.

LeBron James: He could have left it alone. He could have kept his damn mouth shut for a change. If he was going to enjoy Cleveland's abject and utter misery, he could have done it quietly behind closed doors. But remember: This is a guy who castrated his hometown in an hour-long, ego-stroking infomercial that aired on ESPN. So, if anything, when LeBron James decides to be an asshole, he opts for maximum exposure of his royal sphincter.

And so here's what he Tweeted after the Cavaliers were executed in L.A.:


We thought LeBron couldn't be a bigger asshole after this summer? Epic fail.

That's all he is, by the way. An asshole of biblical proportions. I was listening to Mike and Mike on ESPN Radio this morning, and Mike Greenberg's take was that LeBron is embracing the role of the villain. But Greenberg is wrong. Bill Laimbeer? That dude loved being a villain...and he never pretended otherwise. King Crab, on the other hand, is a villain pretending to be the wronged hero.

Which means, yeah, I respect Laimbeer more than LeBron.

What's more, he's an idiot who obviously doesn't know anything about karma beyond what he's heard in sound bites or read in a fortune cookie. Still, if 'Bron's version of "karma" really is in effect, I expect an anvil to fall out of the sky and land on his fat head any minute.

Update! I probably should have mentioned this already. But 'Melo got all Tweet-happy last night too. Here's what he was e-chirping (H/T Karc):

First they love you, then they hate you..............

Not complaining just a real statement

die a hero or live long enuff to become a villain

Far from letting it get to me. Can't a MF just vent. Damn. Lol

Now AnacondaHL has come through with even more updates:

Further on Melo's tweeting:

"You can be a delicious, ripe peach and there will still be people in the world that hate peaches.....lmao"

...followed by him changing his profile picture to literally a bunch of peaches. Wow. Next he'll be trying to tell us about how great Linkin Park speaks to him.And

Lebron's Ego with yet another fantastic followup:

"YES I'M HAPPY CAVS LOST BY 55. CAVS NEVER DID NOTHIN 4 ME ASIDE FROM PAY ME MILLIONS & BEND TO MY EVERY WHIM SO GOD WAS MEAN TO THEM LOL."

Who said psychological train wrecks aren't fun to watch?

The Portland Frail Blazers: The Brandon Roy-less Blazers had an offensive meltdown (35 percent from the field and 4-for-18 on threes) and the Knicks beat 'em in Portland. Blah, blah, blah.

Said Blazers coach Nate McMillan: "I thought we looked mentally fatigued. We were just a step slow in everything we did."

Added LeMarcus Aldridge: "We just didn't make shots. I tried to force the issue going to the basket, took some shots that probably couldn't go in, but I didn't want to just take jump shots over and over. It was tough."

Update! Antoine Walker: From Basketbawful reader Little Keith:

Just making sure everyone is aware of Antoine "toine" Walker's performance from The D-League's Showcase tonight:

7 pts (2-13 shooting, 1-6 on 3's)
3 rebs
2 asts
2 blks
4 PFs
10 TOs
-13 +/-
34+ minutes of "playing" time

Update! Allen Iverson: From Basketbawful reader roland deschain of gilead:

Allen Iverson Update!!!

He is injured on his right calf muscle and will possibly need surgery. Out for at least two months.

Meanwhile his team Besiktas is 9th in the 16-team Turkish League.

He played 7 games with 32 mins/game (40 min games). Averaging around 14.3 points, 2.7 rebounds, 4.7 assists, 1.7 steals and 3.3 turnovers with 23/52 44% 2 points - 9 / 21 42% 3 points and 27/37 73% free throws.

Chris's Lacktion Report:

Pacers-Sixers: Andres Nocioni notched a giveaway in 2:48 for a +1.

Purple Paupers-Generals: Hilton Armstrong commandeered a 3:39 stay in the ledger despite an assist, by fouling once for a 1:0 Madsen-level Voskuhl.

Spurs-Wolves: Chris Quinn heaved two bricks with all his might for a +2 in 1:31, the same time span it took Tiago Splitter to garner a 1.5 trillion.

Bawful After Dark: Weekend Watch

So we see...(via 30fps)
Well, now that the LeBron Revenge Game is done and no actual revenge was anywhere to be seen, can we all just please move on with our lives? Cleveland still has a shot at winning another championship, right? Look at the Indians! Oh. Well, how about the Browns? Oh. Well, nevermind.

Tweet of the day, courtesy of DJ Gallo and the good people at SportsPickle:


Getting away from basketball for a minute... (Me? Get off topic? Never!) You know, I still have Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus on my DVR. I suppose I should watch it so I can prepare myself for this: Mega-Shark vs. Crocosaurus, featuring Jaleel White.

"Did I do that?"

Worst of the Night in Pictures:

Okay, who replaced LeBron with a cheaply made action figure?

Even when he wears "normal" suits, Craig Sager still sticks out like a sore thumb

Okay, I'll admit it, the top right sign made me chuckle

Awkwaaaaaaaard...

Nationally Televised Friday Games:
Bulls at Celtics, ESPN, 8pm: So the Bulls finally get Carlos Boozer healthy, and promptly lose. Bench him!!! Bench him!!!!

Mavericks at Jazz, 10:30pm: Did you know both teams are riding 7 game winning streaks? Of course you didn't. LeBron doesn't play for either team, so who cares???

(Yes, those last couples items I wrote were meant to be sarcastic, just in case I didn't make it clear enough. It's hard to tell sometimes with the NBA being as ridiculous as it is...)

All The Other Friday Games:
Frail Blazers at Wizards Generals, 7pm: I'm almost scared to preview this game. Both teams have been so riddled with injuries lately that I'm afraid I'll snap a tendon or two just by being associated with them in any way, shape, or form.

Thunder at Craptors, 7pm: The Other Chris chimed in with this fantastic news in the WOTN comments:

Another Bawful field trip tonight, a friend invited me to the game. This is more along the lines of watch a good team (Thunder) destroy a bad team (Mighty Dinos!).

Should have a prop bet about which Raptor(s) Westbrook will dunk on. Probably all of them. Simultaneously. Good thing I'll be drinking heavily.

Good thing, indeed.

Nyets at Bobcraps, 7pm: Ah, the game where entertaining basketball goes to die.

76ers at Hawks, 7:30pm: It's a battle of Eastern conference powerhouses! Or the exact opposite of that.

Magic at Pistons, 7:30pm: Accuscore gives the Pistons a 38% chance of winning this game. That good a chance? Wow.

Knicks at Hornets, 8pm: Fantastic opening to the STATS LLC game preview that provides some good perspective: "The last time the New York Knicks won six straight road games, first-year New Orleans coach Monty Williams was a rookie playing for New York. The Knicks will try to accomplish that feat Friday night when they try to hand Williams' Hornets a rare home loss."

Rockets at Grizzlies, 8pm: The good news this year for the Rockets is that they win when Shane Battier puts up points. The Rockets are 4-2 when Battier drops a dozen or more points, but they're a whopping 2-10 in other games. The bad news? Battier has averaged just over 8 ppg against the Grizzlies, the team that originally drafted him.

Timberwolves at Spurs, 8:30pm: The last time we saw the Spurs in action, they got humbled by the Clippers. The friggin' Clippers! I can pretty much guarantee you that San Antonio will NOT come into this game as unprepared and lethargic.

Clippers at Nuggets, 9pm: Hey, speaking of the Clippers, it's time for them to return to being who we thought they were.

Pacers at Suns, 9pm: The last time the Pacers traveled to Phoenix back in March last season, the game had two fights and eight technical fouls. Since when did the intensity for some damn Pacers game reach the level of a San Antonio/Phoenix playoff game?

Kings at Lakers, 10:3pm: If there is any game that the Lakers can use to stop their losing streak, it has to be this one, right? Then again, Pau Gasol is sitting out this game to rest his left hamstring...

* * *

Nationally Televised Saturday Games:
Magic at Bucks, NBA TV, 8:30pm: You know that NBA on ESPN commercial where they have to stop the RV because Bango the Bucks mascot runs across the road? They're going to have to reshoot that and have Bango get run over if the Bucks keep losing.

All The Other Saturday Games:
Hawks at Heat, 7:30pm: And back to reality for LeBron and Co.

Bobcraps at 76ers, 7:30pm: This game is such a waste of time, you'd be better off watching this.

(I seriously have no idea what the hell this is. I saw it randomly linked on Twitter and have been mesmerized by it)

Rockets at Bulls, 8pm: All right! I can't wait to watch Hakeem and MJ battle! Oh, wait...

Cavaliers at Timberwolves, 8pm: This game has a lot of potential to be entertainingly close but terribly executed, almost like a college basketball game without the enthusiastic crowds.

Mavericks at Kings, 10pm: Another loss in the Purple Paupers record books. Sigh.

* * *

Nationally Televised Sunday Games:
Hornets at Spurs, NBA TV, 7pm: Well, we wanted a true test of how good these teams are. This is as good a chance as any.

All The Other Sunday Games:
Celtics at Nyets, 1pm: Will Boston remember to take the Nyets seriously this time? After last year's debacle, I don't trust them.

Knicks at Craptors, 1pm: Crappy crap crap.

Cavaliers at Pistons, 6pm: Unwatchable. Honestly. Who can sit down and watch more than five minutes of this game without losing his mind? Dribble, dribble, dribble, bricked shot, ugly scramble for rebound, dribble, dribble, lazy pass deflected out of bounds. Rinse, repeat.

Warriors at Thunder, 7pm: At least this game will be entertaingly uptempo, even if it's not a good game.

Grizzlies at Nuggets, 8pm: Fun fact: Renaldo Balkman has played a total of 14 minutes over 2 games this year for the Nuggets, and has managed a mind-blowing PER number of -1.1 in the process. Where does that rank on Hollinger's PER scale? That's somehow an even worse PER than an inanimate carbon rod could achieve.

Wizards Generals at Suns, 8pm: Stats that should be surprising to absolutely nobody that reads this blog: the Suns are 1st in points per game, 8th in assists, 29th in rebounds, and 30th in points allowed. Some things just never change.

Clippers at Frail Blazers, 9pm: Pardon the Interruption recently debated the chances of Blake Griffin injuring himself on one of his spectacular dunks. Come on. Why debate? He's a Clipper. The odds are like 8000%.

Worst of the Night: The Return

"Apologize? I don't get it. Apologize for what...?"(H/T to plondon for the screen capture)
LeBron James He was booed coming out of the tunnel:


He was booed during introductions (Zydrunas Ilgauskas was greeted with cheers):


Yes, he did his lame-ass pre-game powder routine. And then he went out and pounded his old team like a pile or raw hamburger...making history and setting personal records along the way. Here's some of what ESPN Stats and Information dug up:

In his much-anticipated homecoming, LeBron James scored a season-high 38 points. He made 10 field goals beyond 15 feet, two shy of his career high in a game. Entering play Thursday, James was averaging just 2.8 field goals made per game beyond 15 feet.

The 24 third-quarter points by LeBron James matched his single-game high for points in a quarter and tied a franchise record.

James also did not commit a turnover, the most points he's ever scored in a game without committing a turnover. He’s the second player this season to score at least 38 points without committing a turnover. On Nov. 1, Luol Deng scored 40 against the Trail Blazers without turning the ball over.

From the Elias Sports Bureau: This was only the fourth time in NBA history that a player scored at least 38 points in his first game against a former team. The other players to do that were John Williamson against the Pacers in 1978 (38 points), Danny Ainge against Boston in 1989 (39) and Stephon Marbury against Minnesota in 2000 (39).

More From the Elias Sports Bureau: James shot 15-for-25 from the floor, the seventh game of his career in which he took at least 25 shots from the field and connected on at least 60 percent of them.

Just when Cleveland fans thought LeBron had tormented them in every possible way, 'Bronny Bravo saves his best game of the season and one of the best outside shooting games of his career for his return. In doing so, he created a new category of revenge game: "This is for making me feel like a douche for screwing you over." It's like beating a dog for no reason and then taking it outside to rub its nose in its own feces.

Hell, he couldn't even keep himself from taunting the Cavaliers bench...earning him a nice little "shut the [world Kevin Garnett loves to say] up" from a member of the coaching staff:


To be frank, I hated watching this game. Hated it. To me, it was depressing.

See, LeBron James -- even if you thought he was a douche -- still represented everything people love about sports: The hometown hero playing like a bad motherfucker and transforming a perennial underdog into a championship contending powerhouse. Even if you hated all the fake pre-game picture shows, the in-game dancing, the post-game third-person soliloquies -- and let's face it, we all did -- it was still a great story for a sadsack city that has had very little to cheer for over the years.

True story: My second Mardi Gras back in 2006, I was standing in line somewhere to use the bathroom when the guy in front of me started making small talk. After he told me he was from Cleveland, all I said was: "LeBron James, huh?" And he replied, "Yep. Best thing that ever happened to Cleveland."

That was always the joke, right? But people in Cleveland really believed it. And then , with one ill-conceived Decision, LeBron became everything people hate about sports: The hometown hero turning heel, taking the seemingly easy way out and chasing fortune and glory elsewhere. It wasn't the first time something like this had happened. Wilt Chamberlain had a pretty nasty divorce in Philly (although at least The Stilt led the Sixers to a title). Of course, King Crab took it to the next (unprecedented) level by announcing his screw job on an hour-long informercial. And still later he made a shoe commercial trying to shame people for hating him for being such a dick.

And you know what made all the booing so depressing? When somebody leaves you -- a girlfriend, a spouse, a sports hero, whatever -- they can leave behind one of two kinds of hate. There's the "I hate you but I'm better off without you" and there's the "I hate you and I will never, ever, in any way be better off without you."

We know which of these hates Clevelanders are feeling, don't we?

Think about it. Luck and lottery balls gave LeBron James to the Cavaliers. When is that going to happen again? When are the Cavs going to win the number one overall draft pick in a year when a "could be the greatest player of all time" talent is available? What are the odds? Pretty freaking long. And that's the way it's going to have to happen, because no amount of money is going to bring a superduperstar to Cleveland. And that has nothing to do with Dan Gilbert's infamous Comic Sans Letter of Doom.

Superstars don't want to play in Cleveland. Nobody really wants to play in Cleveland.

We’ve discussed this here before. It's hard to win a championship. Typically, you need a Top 5 Guy to be The Man, a Top 10 or 15 Guy to be The Sidekick, several efficient roleplayers who don't mind selflessly killing themselves on the boards or on defense or in whatever role they're asked to perform, and a bench that goes at least three or four solid players deep. Oh, and you need good coaching.

Tell me: How in the name of Spider-Man's balls is that EVER going to happen in Cleveland now that LeBron's gone? Let me put it this way: There's a better chance that I'll become Kobe Bryant's biggest fan before the Cavaliers win an NBA title.

So Clevelanders have to endure the harsh but inescapable reality that the best basketball they will ever see has come and gone. They will never see or experience anything like it again. And it didn't just fizzle out with the passing of years. It was cruelly ripped away from them after a couple seasons of being RIGHT THERE.

Isiah's Pistons were RIGHT THERE for a few years but kept getting knocked off by the Celtics and Lakers. They endured and eventually won a couple titles. Jordan's Bulls were RIGHT THERE for a few years but kept getting knocked off by the Pistons. They endured and eventually won six titles. These things are legendary. But being RIGHT THERE wasn't enough for the King of the Nazgul. Why overcome when you can bolt?

The only legend LeBron left behind in Cleveland was a sense of betrayal and hatred unlike anything the league has ever seen. It's a sad saga.

But hey, go Heat, right? They kicked the crap out of a bunch of disparate roleplayers who were assembled for the express purpose of servicing LeBron and all his Royal Whims. Surprise, surprise, they're falling apart without him.

And even now, LeBron won't just say the two little words that could put salve in an ugly, open would. He won't say "I'm sorry." Even if only for how he hurt the city that loved him.

Said LeBron: "I don't want to apologize. I think my intentions were not to hurt anyone. My intentions were solely on kids during that whole process. I always say, decisions I make, I live with them. There's always ways you can correct them or ways you can do them better. At the end of the day, I live with them. I'm satisfied and happy right now."

Trust me, it doesn't come off any better if you hear it spoken out loud. Trust me.


His intentions were solely on kids during that whole process? Was he being serious? What in the Nine Hells does that even mean? Does even LeBron know? And why can't he just own up? Why can't he just say, "I'm sorry, Cleveland. Not for leaving to follow my dreams, but for how I did it, for hurting you?" Would it damage his ego that much to just throw those long-suffering people a bone? It wouldn't erase all the hate and bad feelings, but it might give Clevelanders just enough satisfaction that they could start moving on.

But nope. LeBron doesn't give. He takes. Whatever. I'm over it and him.

The Clevaland Cavaliers: Not for the giant bitch slap they received...but for all the fraternizing, laughing, joking, etc. they did with LeBron at various points throughout the night. I thought something vital in Reggie Miller was going to explode. Yeah, I get they're all still friends with him or whatever, but they kind of owed it to the fans to dis him for at least one night.

Derrick Rose, quote machine: From ESPNChicago via Basketbawful reader Phil:

When asked if he would be watching James' much-anticipated return to Cleveland, Bulls All-Star point guard Derrick Rose responded this way.

"Probably not," Rose said. "I've got my second season of 'Dexter' so I'm good."

The Golden State Warriors: Okay, if you don't already love Steve Nash, here's yet another of the many reasons you should (via Basketbawful reader Business Time):


Not sure there's much to say about this one. Both teams suck on defense and toight the Warriors sucked worse. They let the Suns shoot 55 percent from the field and run out for 24 fast break points. I will say Jason Richardson's 25-point effort (on 10-for-15 shooting) against his old team was totally overshadowed by the Passion of Cleveland. Of course, the circumstances are radically different.

Said Richardson: "I'm used to playing here. The fans, every time I come, it's a standing ovation when they announce my name. They get me up. I played here for six years, and there's familiarity. I had some great times here. It's a great place to play."

I also have to say it cracks me up that Earl freaking Barron is starting ahead of Hedo Turkoglu and Hakim Warrick.

Oh, anyway, back to the Warriors. This little excerpt from the AP recap pretty much sums up the problems this team -- which has lost four straight at home and seven of eight games overall -- are having:

Ellis missed a pair of free throws with 3:16 left, which he said was the turning point of the game.

"If I hit those, we would have been down just one," he said. "We made some mistakes but it was a great game and we gave ourselves a chance to win."

Warriors point guard Stephen Curry missed time in the first half when he was poked in the eye.

"That slowed me down," Curry said. "I was initiating the offense well and getting people involved. It just took me a while to get back."

Notice how both guys -- Golden State's top two players -- identified offensive problems that led to the loss? Memo to the Warriors: When you give up 107 points on 55 percent shooting, your problems are on defense, not offense.

Chris's One-Line lackluster TNT Thursday Lacktion Report: Zydrunas Ilgaukas countered two boards in 16:38 with 3 fouls for a 3:2 Voskuhl.

Bawful After Dark: November 15, 2010

Tayshaun's Prince's recreation of Munch's The Scream is admirable, even if the hands are a little too high
Why in the hell is LeBron nominated for Time's Person of the Year? Aside from screwing over Cleveland on national television, shouldn't he be disqualified for stealing a tablecloth right off some poor, unsuspecting table and wearing it as a shirt? That being said, the world breathed a sigh of relief -- LeBron's ego-stroking movie has been canceled.

Remember that link I posted a few days ago introducing you to the world of Bacon-Flavored Soda? Well, I have found a review. It sounds just as vile and wrong as I anticipated: "The bacon soda’s smoky and sweet flavor tastes like Jones Soda figured out a way to bottle the things that make babies cry: smoke and candy taken away from babies."

Breaking footbawful news: Donovan McNabb has agreed to a contract extension with the Redskins. A FIVE year, $78 million extension worth up to $88 million with incentives. SNYYYYYYDER!! In case you didn't remember, this is the same 34 year old McNabb who was benched in favor of Rex Grossman recently in a two-minute drill situation. I have no joke that can possibly be funnier than the reality of this situation. Just soak it in for a few minutes.

Worst of the Weekend in Pictures:

"You're a towel!""No, Jeff Teague, you're a towel."

"I have no idea what's going on..."

Blake Griffin does NOT want to be teabagged

"Come on, dude. You look tougher than Vinsanity. Suit up! We could use you!"

Lookin' good, MJ

I knew LeBron and D-Wade were close, but...
Nationally Televised Games:
Grizzlies at Magic, NBA TV, 7pm: Is it possible the Magic will lose three straight home games? If so, will Stan Van Gundy completely lose his voice by the end of the night? That could be entertaining.

All the Other Games:
Timberwolves at Bobcraps, 7pm: Why must the bad teams have to beat up on each other every single night this season? (For our amusement, obviously, but it artifically inflates their records, so it can only be amusing to a point...) The Bobcraps will probably get their first home victory of the season tonight, but honestly, who really cares? Perhaps these two teams should try to recruit this girl to fix their offensive woes:




Hornets at Mavericks, 8:30pm Trevor Ariza opining on his team winning with defense rather than offense: "We know our offense is going to come. We've got players here that can score with the basketball." Well, that's nice. It's awfully hard to score without the basketball, after all.

Nuggets at Suns, 9pm: I betcha the Nuggets sure glad the Suns got their three point barrage game out of their systems before playing them. It'd bring on flashbacks from that hellish Pacers game if they started raining those threes on the Nuggets.

Thunder at Jazz, 9pm: The Jazz are somehow going to find a way to come back from being down by 50 points at halftime before this season is over, mark my words.

Pistons at Warriors, 10:30pm: Well, so much for that hot start by Golden State. The Warriors are falling apart like an ice sculpture in a sauna, and David Lee's infected elbow isn't helping matters.

Nyets at Clippers, 10:30pm: Instead of watching the Clippers be who we thought they were, go watch this clip instead (via Deadspin). Trust me. It will be the greatest thing you do all day. (You know, unless you save a kitten from a tree or something. Then watching this would be the second greatest thing you do all day.) Who cares if it's apparently staged? It's still awesome.

Kicking Cavs fans in the crotch comic book-style

Courtesy of AnacondaHL:

ESPN's Marvel and NBA 2010-11 Team Crossover Covers

Pow! Bam! Biff! Zok!

For comic book fans like me, this feature is like giving your brain a delicious cookie covered in chocolate chips and Scarlett Johanssons. I loved it. Sure, there was some (presumably) unintentional comedy, like the (very appropriate) "Pistons: Destination Doom" cover or the "Grizzlies: On The Prowl" cover where a front-and-center Rudy Gay is cheering on a particularly gay looking Captain America.

Oh, I also liked the Bulls cover with Carlos Boozer as the Red Hulk. Uh, the Red Hulk jumped into outer space and beat the crap out of Thor with his own hammer. Boozer broke his hand in three places tripping over a bag. I'm just sayin'.

On the other hand, some of the covers were just plain mean. For instance, the covers for the Hornets and Nuggets focused on Chris Paul and Carmelo Anthony leaving their respective teams. I get that. I do. I mean, the imminent and seemingly unavoidable prospect of losing their superstar is a team's most cogent storyline, right? But it's still kind of a bitch slap to the guys who are, you know, sticking with the team and trying to win games and stuff.

That said, the biggest kick to the crotch was reserved for fans of the Cleveland Cavaliers. A few short months after suffering what may have been the most painful heel turn in the history of professional sports -- I mean, seriously, their superhero broke up with them on a live television show specifically dedicated to him breaking up with them -- now Cavs fans have to deal with this?


If you don't know your classic comic book covers, this is riffing the iconic "Spider-Man No More!" cover, which is famous enough to have its own Wikipedia page.

Sure, it's reasonably accurate. LeBron walked away, probably after stuffing his jersey into the nearest trash can, and so the team is pretty unamazing now.

But man, throw these people a bone, ESPN!

Personally, what I would have liked to see was an extended scene from The Amazing Spider-Man #33, where Spidey is (seemingly) hopelessly trapped under a giant machine, but then he gets really pumped and pushes the damn thing off him.

That's what I want to happen for the Cavs and Clevelanders everywhere: Them pushing the giant, crushing, lethal weight of LeBron's departure off their backs and delivering an antidote to Aunt May in the nick of time before she dies of radiation poisoning. Or something.

It's probably not gonna happen...but it would be a nice story.

Kobe whacks the LeBron piñata

Over the past few months, bloggers, coaches, general managers, journalists and even NBA legends have taken turns playing Whack-A-Douche with LeBron for The Decision. It's been like King Crab is a human piñata and his humiliation is sweet, delicious candy.

Of course, all the hate was simply thinly veiled racism. Because when I think of the great racists of our time, guys like Charles Barkley, Magic Johnson and Michael Jordan immediately spring to mind. It's like that Dave Chappelle skit about the black white supremacist...only for real.

Anyway, Kobe Bryant recently gave a classic LeBron-inspired sound bite. Specifically, that he could beat James in a game of one-on-one. Easily. Without question. In his sleep. With both hands tied behind his back and both feet dunked into buckets of cement.


It's hard to say whether Kobe's proclamation was another racist attack on LeBron...but it does seem reasonably accurate. I mean, Mamba pretty much said what most people were already thinking: Kobe's basic nature is that of a one-on-one gunner, and LeBron is more of a Magic Johnson/Mega Pippen kind of player. Sure, Kobe delivered the message in his usual arrogant cock-bag manner, but that doesn't mean he isn't correct.

Don't forget that LeBron is feeding on all this hate to make himself stronger than ever. Maybe Kobe's comments will make 'Bron grow a third bicep or something. I don't know. But this is just another reason to look forward to the first Heat-Lakers game of the season.

LeBron James: "Consider yourself warned..."

So sayeth The King of Pain (via Twitter):

"Don't think for one min that I haven't been taking mental notes of everyone taking shots at me this summer. And I mean everyone!"

That's right...everyone.

Yes, even you, Gertrude Meredrith Walsh, retired special education teacher from Ostrander, Minnesota.

I bet you thought your seemingly innocent statement -- "That LeBron fella sure did the people of Cleveland a nasty bother." -- would just slip through the cracks and disappear forever didn't you, Mrs. Walsh?

Well, now you'll understand what's happening when LeBron shows up to end you. I hope you know how to breath through broken teeth and fist, Gertrude. And, uh, if you haven't filled out any organ donor cards lately, now's probably the time to do it.

Michael Jordan jumps on top of the LeBron dogpile

About two seconds after LeBron James made "The Decision" to pull a Hollywood Hogan on the city of Cleveland so he could team up with the Super Friends of South Beach -- hereafter referred to as "The Nazgul" -- the Internet almost crashed under the electronic weight of newspaper articles and blog posts proclaiming that: Michael Jordan never would have wimped out like that...he wanted to beat his opponents not join them.

Because of course nothing LeBron has ever done or apparently will ever do -- no 50-point performance, no triple-double, no buzzer beater, no playoff performance, and now no contract decision -- is complete until the Michael Jordan comparisons are made. It's like the huge glop of cheese on top of an order of cheese fries. If LeBron's tree falls in the woods, nobody will hear it unless it gets compared to how loud Jordan's tree was when it fell.

Anyway, all that "MJ wouldn't have done that" stuff was all idle speculation until now. The GOAT has spoken:

"There's no way, with hindsight, I would've ever called up Larry, called up Magic and said 'Hey, look, let's get together and play on one team. But...things are different. I can't say that's a bad thing. It's an opportunity these kids have today. In all honesty, I was trying to beat those guys."

So Jordan has officially confirmed what we were all already thinking. Thanks for that, MJ. Personally, I was tired of all that thinking. My brain is more paper weight than functioning organ. Mind you, this latest pronouncement comes on the heels of His Airness stating that (in his opinion) Kobe is better than LeBron.

So...how does it feel under that dogpile, LeBron? Do you have enough, ahem, air in there?

The funny thing is, this isn't the first time MJ has fired a few warning shots across LeBron's bow. This has been forgotten in the annals of NBA lore, but check out Jordan's comments about the soon-to-be-a-rookie version of King James:

"He may think he's great enough to be on this level now. But when he gets on this level and plays against guys who've been competitive and very good on this level, he's going to find it's a big difference from that 5-10 high school kid.

...

"I think he's talented for 18 years old. Once he gets to this level, I don't think he's in the upper echelon of two guards or small forwards. I think he's toward the bottom -- respectively so, because there's so much about his game that he's going to have to adapt to. He has unbelievable potential. I think that's what everybody is looking at, everybody is raving about. But he hasn't played against competition consistently, college or pros. He's played against high school kids ... You have to give that some credence.

"When you look at the skill level and his maturity at his age, he's definitely talented enough. Five years from now? If he takes on the dedication of being the best basketball player he can be, and continues to improve and accept challenges and not get comfortable with what's been given to him or what the expectations may be, he could definitely be a good pro."

Well, I guess MJ was right...LeBron is definately a good pro.

There was also this exchange between MJ and Charles Barkley:

With cigar in hand and sarcasm dripping from his words, Michael Jordan posed a question for Charles Barkley.

"Charles, what would you have done if Pip (Scottie Pippen) and I called you up and asked you to come join us in Chicago?" Jordan asked.

A look of disgust flashed on Barkley's face. Not in a million years, he scoffed, and his colorful language made Jordan smile with pleasure.

It was nothing more than a humorous exchange between close friends on the driving range of the American Century Championship. Yet it spoke volumes of how the NBA's old guard views LeBron James and his ignoble departure to Miami.

"Let me just tell you this," Barkley said. "Mike and I are in 100 percent agreement on this. If you're the two-time defending NBA MVP, you don't leave anywhere. They come to you. That's ridiculous.

"I like LeBron. He's a great player. But I don't think in the history of sports you can find a two-time defending MVP leaving to go play with other people."

Speaking of Sir Charles, The Round Mound had this to say to 790 the Ticket in Miami last week:

"He'll never be Jordan. This clearly takes him out of the conversation. He can win as much as he wants to.

"There would have been something honorable about staying in Cleveland and trying to win it as 'The Man' ... LeBron, if he would've in Cleveland, and if he could've got a championship there, it would have been over the top for his legacy, just one in Cleveland. No matter how many he wins in Miami, it clearly is Dwyane Wade's team."

Just like with MJ, Chuck is simply saying what we were all already thinking. But here's the thing: Maybe it doesn't matter. Maybe, in part, this was LeBron's way of saying, "I know I'm not Michael Jordan. And I don't want to try to be Michael Jordan."

Personally, I think LeBron wants to be "Mega Pippen." Back in the day, Scottie Pippen wanted to be considered equal to Michael Jordan without shouldering the responsibility of being Michael Jordan. I mean, he tried (when he wasn't getting a migraine or refusing to check into the game because the game-winning play was written up for somebody else), but Pippen simply wasn't that kind of player. And, frankly, he wasn't Jordan's equal.

However, LeBron is at least D-Wade's equal. And yet now he has a teammate who has killer instinct and championship pedigree. Now, King Crab can do his "a little bit to a lot of everything" act -- ala Pippen -- and potentially turn to Wade when things get ugly. And, as Barkley said, it's always going to be Dwyane's team, so the greatest burden of responsibility will always been on Wade.

At any rate, it all comes back to the same thing, and I've said it over and over on this site: All comparisons between LeBron and MJ should stop immediately (if they haven't already). If not because they were ridiculous to begin wtih, then because LeBron himself made has made "The Decision" not to be like Mike.

The best LeBron James t-shirts on Zazzle

Get yours today!

Basketbawful Comics: LeBron's Big Announcement

At least be creative next time, LeBron

"Hey, did you know I'm a free agent? ...You're gonnawatch my selection show Thursday at 9pm, right??
(I'm still in the media spotlight, right???)"
As we continue to be bludgeoned over the head about LeBron's free agency by ESPN, ESPN.com, Yahoo!, SI, SI.com, CNN, Nickelodeon, The Playboy Channel, and Lifetime (okay, maybe not one or two of those), many of us have slipped well past the point of caring. However, this caught my eye on a Google Buzz post from Jonah Keri this morning. Apparently, LeBron didn't even dream up this grand spectacle televised free agency announcement. He ripped it off from... someone who wrote into a Bill Simmons mailbag:

Q: You know how when top recruits in basketball or football make their college decision, they often call a press conference and put the three hats of the schools that made the final three in front of them ... then pick up the hat of the school of choice and put it on? What if LeBron announces he will pick his 2010-11 team live on ABC on a certain date for a show called "LeBron's Choice?" What type of crazy ratings would that get? -- Drew, Columbus, Ohio

Of course, it could be worse. In response to that e-mail, the Sports Guy suggested LeBron do it on Pay-Per-View.

(Maybe next time.)

A special message from LeBron James

Basketbawful, Colbert-style

In case you missed it, The Colbert Report had a classic segment on all things NBA. They touched on the impending LeBron free agency, the perennial suckitude of the Knicks, and also threw in an interview with an apathetic Mike D'Antoni. They even had the common courtesy of making an Eddy Curry reference. The fun starts at 1:00.

The Worst of LeBron James

Since the NBA Finals are ending tonight and LeBron-Mania is about to start reshaping the laws of nature, here's a video compilation of some of King Crab's worst momenets.

SEE LeBron chuck up airballs.

WATCH as The King gets his ankles broken.

LAUGH at every blown dunk, posterization and turnover.

Bawful After Dark: OMG LEBRON Weekend Watch

Shaq isn't sweating because he's been playing so hard -- he just saw someone eating a hot dog in the stands and it got him all hot and bothered
Welcome to your post-LeBron-Meltdown BAD post. Lots of videos and such today, so I'm going to have to add dividers to make this section more readable!

Speaking of Shaq, Basketbawful reader plonden sent us this video of Shaq blatantly bawful traveling last night.

As plonden noted: "Unbelievable that did not get called." I'm sure LeBron would argue something about it being a crab dribble. How appropriate should this truly be LeBron's final game as a Crabolier.

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Chris sent me this ad from Facebook:
Chris summed it up well: "Um, aren't you supposed to approach the PLAYOFFS with the right mindset first?"

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As featured today on Deadspin, the city of Cleveland still pines for LeBron, no matter how much our readers and commenters may feel otherwise.

I don't think we have to worry about the Cuyahoga River catching on fire anymore -- the flood of tears shed by these poor Cleveland fans will certainly take care of that.

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Also passed along on Deadspin, Bill Self would like you to know about an upcoming charity event to be held in Kansas City by doing his best "John Travolta in Saturday Night Fever" leisure suit disco dancing. Because nothing makes me want to attend a charity event like basketball coaches in white leisure suits.

(And okay, I'll admit it, I do love Saturday Night Fever and I actually like the Bee Gees. Fire away.)

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Per Basketbawful reader Heretic, Sasha Vujacic has a fan club, and it is one of the most confusing, sad things I can imagine. It's fairly telling that AnacondaHL and I both had the same exact reaction: "What in the hell... "

Worst of the Night in Pictures:

LeBron is somehow less interested here than he was at the end of Games 5 and 6.

This is going well beyond the standard shug and into uncomfortable territory

Mike Brown hasn't technically been fired yet, but isn't it just a matter of time?
All The Sunday Games:
Celtics at Magic - ABC, 3:30pm
Series tied 0-0

Can the Celtics continue their inspired play? Have the Magic gone into hibernation waiting so long to play again after thoroughly dominating their first two opponents? Will Pumaman get into foul trouble the second the ball is tipped off? Will Vag Carter do something incredibly dumb in crunch time and blow the game? Will Paul Pierce's corpse be reanimated or continue to decompose on the floor? So many questions!

Worst of the Playoff Night: The "LeGone" edition

Editor's note: Many thanks to Rudy W. for the top picture and to stephanie g for most of the other pics.

The Cleveland Cavaliers: What can I say? I was stunned last night when the Celtics eliminated the Craboliers, and I'm still stunned today. Not only was Cleveland the league's best regular season team led by the best player in the Nine Realms, but Boston was supposed to fail. I mean, the Celts had been failing all season...they were a bunch of broken down (or breaking) old geezers who didn't give a shit anymore. I've seen bugs explode on my windshield that weren't as left for dead as the C's were at various points over the past six months.

And yet they're moving on while the Crabs have gone fishin'. The mighty Crabs couldn't make it out of the second round...couldn't even force a seventh game. What happened?

ESPN's John Hollinger believes it was a case of offense gone horribly, horribly wrong:

Offensively, however, the Cavs were disastrous, especially in the second half. Cleveland got to the break in decent shape thanks to a 20-point first half from Mo Williams, but scored only 36 points after halftime. While there's a laser focus on LeBron James' performance, he and Williams were the only two scorers who did anything.

The other Cavaliers were 12-of-44 from the field, including 2-of-10 from Antawn Jamison -- acquired at midseason to be the final piece of Cleveland's keep-LeBron-at-all-costs puzzle as he enters his free agent year.

And of course, there were the turnovers -- 24 of them, nearly a quarter of the Cavs' possessions. An average figure is barely half that. The Cavs struggled even when they kept the ball, as they misfired on 3s (5-of-17), missed 10 foul shots of their own and shot only 41.1% inside the arc. LeBron, of course, was a major contributor with nine turnovers, and he once again struggled from outside; over the final two games he was three-of-19 from the field.

Dr. Jack Ramsay thinks that, in addition to Mo Williams running out of gas, Antawn Jamison forgetting to show up, a collective no-show by the Cleveland bench and woeful coaching from Mike Brown, the Craboliers got jipped by the officials:

In the fourth quarter after LeBron hit those two 3-pointers to cut the deficit to four, I thought Cleveland caught a couple of bad breaks. Anderson Varejao was fouled twice and the officials didn't call either one, allowing the Celtics to get fast-break opportunities instead of sending Varejao to the foul line. The Cavs never got back into it.

Uh huh. I'm here to tell you there were some iffy calls going both ways. In other words, it was a typical NBA playoff game.

Let's face it, this was a complete team meltdown, one through 12 and the entire coaching staff. It was a choke job of near Biblical proportions. I actually thought that Mo Williams' offensive explosion -- 20 points in the first half -- would save them. After all, the theory was that LeBron only needed one of his teammates to step up, that Cleveland only had to keep things close, for King Crab to prevail.

But it didn't happen. Even when the Crabs took a brief third quarter lead, they looked flat. Even when LeBron hit back-to-back threes to cut Boston's lead to 78-74 early in the fourth quarter, you could kind of tell his teammates had stopped believing, if not in their leader then in themselves. On one possession, Williams bricked a wide open 15-footer -- and I mean bricked badly -- but Cleveland nabbed the offensive board. The ball rotated to an open Jamison, who's shot was both rushed and wide right (laces out!).

None of the Craboliers wanted the ball in crunch time.

The body language was as surprising as anything else: Dipped heads, slumped shoulders, guys just walking around, seemingly disinterested in whatever "play" Mike Brown was calling from the sideline. Even King Crab's triple-double -- 27 points, 19 rebounds, 10 assists -- was marred by 9 turnovers, 8-for-21 shooting, and a notable lack of aggression. The effort was there. Nobody grabs 19 rebounds in an elimination game without trying. But it seemed like his will was broken.

And how 'bout those final minutes, when the Crabs were still (technically) within striking distance but refused to foul to stop the clock. Here's how Basketbawful reader Clifton put it:

Gawd, watching the last 1:30 of that game was awkward. I mean, AWKWARD. You were literally watching the complete dissolution of a team's psyche. Just content to let the Celtics get it over with...Varejao standing 6 feet from Pierce with his hands on his hips for 10 seconds on the C's next-to-last possession might be the image I'll remember the longest.

That was horrible, though. It was like having two friends who used to be married, but have been divorced for a few years, and watching them argue over who "has to be saddled with" their 7-year-old this weekend...in front of their 7-year-old.

It would have been less painful to watch if they'd gone up to the scorer's table with 1:30 left and forfeited. Seriously, down 9 with 90 seconds to go? Steep climb, sure, but it's POSSIBLE. This wasn't like watching a team down 20 with 1:30 left playing full-court press. Cleveland still had a chance, albeit a small one, at the point when they gave up.

I'm still shaking my head. I can't fathom what I just saw. Hey, free-agency-world, it's LeBron! Guaranteed to actually quit on your team when the going gets tough. Whatever, someone's still going to give him sick cash, but I think the respective 4th quarters of the last two games have done more to cement LeBron's legacy in my mind than any of his "dominating" performances. You don't get the measure of a man by his actions when times are good. It's when the sh*t hits the fan when you find out what a man's made of.

Of course, Clifton's outlook contrasts starkly with a reader e-mail Henry Abbott published on TrueHoop:

You rarely see any athlete take the kind of criticism LeBron has over the past few days. I'm having trouble thinking of another instance where someone has had such a brilliant start to his career and had every part of his game and psychological makeup questioned.

There's nothing wrong with questioning someone's play after a bad game, but people have attacked his heart, desire, and even basketball IQ in the blogosphere. Supposedly he doesn't have a "killer instinct" despite the fact that he has single-handedly destroyed many teams in the playoffs previously.

All this, and we still don't have any real information on the seriousness of his injury.

I don't know if people are just jealous of his success, like to act like know-it-alls, or just get some weird enjoyment at being able to tear someone down behind the anonymity of the internet. But it's kind of gross.

I'm sure there are people who are, as that TrueHoop reader pointed out, attacking LeBron. It's sports, it happens, get over it. But I also believe there are a lot of people who are trying to make sense of what they've "Witnessed." For the last several years, we've all been subjected to a non-stop LeBron-a-thon...all LeBron, all the time. And most recently, the dude has received back-to-back MVPs, received praise by leading stat geeks as perhaps the greatest by-the-numbers player ever, and been proclaimed as The Guy Who's Going To Supplant Michael Jordan As The Greatest Of All Time.

Then this happens.

You know, people used to believe that leaving a pile of wet rags in the corner of their house would make frogs. I'm not kidding. Same as people used to think -- and some still do -- that walking under a ladder or breaking a mirror will cause bad luck. Human beings need answers for things that don't make sense. When the near-consensus BEST PLAYER ON THE PLANET and his BEST TEAM IN THE LEAGUE fail in back-to-back years as the undisputed favorite, our collective gasts become a little flabbered. So please forgive us.

And here are some more random comments from Bawful readers and contributors:

Future Guy:

And the Curse of Ehlo lives on. Or maybe it's the Curse of Mike Brown Can't Coach His Way Out of A Paper Bag.

chris:

I love how ESPN has to have A Very Special Edition of SportsCenter in the wake of King Crab suffering from a New England seafood bake tonight!

I also love Paul "Wheelchair" Pierce telling the media straight up "We're not really proud of this...our goal this year was to win a championship, not just one series" when being asked "how do you feel about this accomplishment of actually winning a series as an underdog?"

I love how this dramatic ESPN segment is comparing King Crab losing in the second round...to things like The Fumble and other forms of Cleveland sports fail.

A few minutes ago, as the press conference camera panned on an empty chair with a Gatorade bottle...

"It's like Waiting for Godot. No wait, it's like a Gatorade commercial."

Um, I think Godot not showing up still didn't do as much philosophical damage as LeBron not showing up in Game 5...

And yes, an actual Gatorade commercial played right after that. Sigh.

Adam:

My only issue is that the game was on ESPN instead of TNT. I'd have LOVED to see the Crabs go fishin'. It would have been strangely appropriate.

Never fear, Adam. Basketbawful is here!


plonden:

WoTN nomination for the refs for the non-call on the Big Geritol's travel. He switched his pivot foot at least two separate times. Pure bawful at its finest.

Sorbo:

Read Simmons book where he talks about Kobe. He's right, there are two sides of Kobe, the Fox and the Wolf. He knows the best way to win a game, he just always wants to be the one to make the big shot. That's his career: stuck between the best way to win and him being the hero. You can't always be both. Watch Game 5 against Oklahoma, when Kobe accepting the win and not the hero status.

We have to bring it up now, because the biggest free agent story just shit his pants in the second round. Let me call it for you: LeBron in New York. He'll go there and Stoudemire won't be far behind. Wade will stay in Miami and Bosh will go to Chicago. Isn't it funny that the supposed "three best players" and Joe Johnson will be watching the playoffs from here on out? Meanwhile Pumaman is heading towards his second Eastern Finals and possibly second Finals. MVP recount?

I can't remember a year where both Magic and Bird both missed the conference finals.

BTW. LeBron in Chicago is crazy talk. He would only go there if they traded Rose (too many ball handlers, if Rose stays), and Chicago would get nothing in return (Rose still in his rookie contract). Plus, he hates Noah. Hates him. Not hate-respects him, but hates him.

That would be like someone saying that in 1990 Jordan would go to Detroit because they had Laimbeer and Thomas. Just stupid. The Clippers have a better shot at LeBron than Chicago.

Wild Yams:

Last year when LeBron didn't shake the hands of the Magic players and was criticized for it he defended his actions, saying something like he wouldn't want to shake the hand of someone who beat him. If he really believes that, why did he shake the Celtics players' hands? I just hate that he never actually admitted that he was wrong, but he clearly knows he did the wrong thing (or he still doesn't understand what he did wrong, but his advisers told him not to make the same mistake again).

I wonder how much the whole LeBron's free agency thing was a distraction to the Crabs. Do you think the whole thing cost Cleveland a championship? How funny would that be if LeBron's ego trip with this free agency nonsense cost him a title and brought all this scrutiny on himself.

Heretic:

Yeah the Cavs just decided "Fuck it man, we are who you thought we were" at the end of the fourth. Didn't they watch the Reggie Miller documentary? Miracles can happen!! Well maybe its because from the sport cursed land of Cleveland.

LotharBot:

New nickname:

LeGone.

Gone from the playoffs. Gone from Cleveland.

Now, let's focus in...

LeBron James: Like I said above: 9 turnovers for the near quadruple-bumble. And some of them weren't forced. They were just bad, bad decisions. And it wasn't just 'Bron's ball handling and shooting that was off. He was off. He was not the same player we saw during the regular season, or even the same player that single-handedly decimated the Pistons in the playoffs a few years back. Something was wrong. I don't know if it was the elbow, or the pressure of expectations, or the doubt about his own future. But this was not the King Crab we're used to seeing.

Heck, he didn't even try to contest this dunk by KG:


I will always remember the way LeBron glared around after he hit a half-court shot in Game 4 of Cleveland's first round series against the Bulls. Experts and fans were all like, "Oooo! You can see how determined LeBron is this year!" Watch it:


Mind you, his team was already up 20 points at the time. No offense, but it's easy to act like a badass when you're blowing away an inferior team. I didn't see many of those glares, or any dancing, or any of the other antics associated with the Crabs going on against Boston. Funny thing that.

Mmm...Crab vomit.
Shaq: 11 points, 4 rebounds, zero blocked shots and 5 personal fouls in 24 minutes. At this point, The Big Geritol would make a slightly above-average backup center on a good team. Seriously, that's his ceiling right now. Remember back when Shaq said he'd retire when he was "only as good as David Robinson"? The Admiral closed out his career as an integral part of a championship team. Meanwhile, the self-proclaimed Most Dominant Ever couldn't even championship piggyback alongside the best player in the multiverse. Yeah, I think Shaq is done.


Antawn Jamison: Cleveland traded for him so that he could be, in Reggie Miller's words, "the Robinson to LeBron's Batman." His elimination game contribution: 5 points, 2-for-10 shooting, 5 rebounds, zero assists, and countless terrified, please-don't-pass-me-the-ball looks on his face. Speaking of which...


As Basketbawful reader Heretic put it:

Rasheed made a couple of threes...un-fucking-believable. That Tony Allen dunk was vicious as hell, he cocked it way back and wham right in the face of Jamison.

I live in the DC area and even though Jamison was half decent on the Wizards, I had the feeling that on a better team he would wilt. Good to know my Shitty Player In Disguise Detector (patent pending) is still working.

Can you believe that, as recently as the first round of the playoffs, people were still comparing the Jamison-to-Cleveland trade to the Gasol-to-L.A. deal? Ha!

Mo Williams in the second half: Mo giveth...and Mo taketh away. Williams kept the Crabs in the game in the first half by scoring 20 points, but he managed only 2 points in the second half and finished with a second-worst-in-the-game 5 turnovers versus only 4 assists. I think Bill Simmons put it best when he said Williams was the pimple on the ass of the All-Star game.

Speaking of which, bravo to Simmons for inspiring the "New York Knicks!" chant during last night's game:


Cleveland's bench: Anderson Varejao's 6-point, 7-rebound performance was the best this group could muster. Did I mention Andy shot 2-for-7? Freaking J.J. Hickson -- who was so important during the regular season -- earned a freaking Mario. On that subject...

Mike Brown: Let's see: He still hasn't learned how to coach an offense and he randomly decided to scrap his rotation for the final few playoff games. Is Mike Brown the worst coach to ever win Coach of the Year? Quite possibly, yes. But you know what? I've been going after Brown for years now and I don't have the energy to do it anymore. Once you've beaten a dead horse into a rine, red paste, what's left? So if you want to pick up your torch and pitchfork to help drive Mike out of Cleveland, head over to the Bleacher Report to read all about why the Cavaliers should fire Brown.

LeBron James, quote machine: "The fact that it's over right now is definitely a surprise to me. A friend of mine told me, 'I guess you've got to go through a lot of nightmares before you realize your dream.' That's what's going on for me individually right now."

Dennis Manoloff, quote machine: Basketbawful reader Alex B. sent in this Manoloff quote:

If the 2008-2009 and 2009-2010 Cavaliers can't win a title, which team from the big three is going to break through and finally connect with the '64 Browns?

The answer is none.

It's not going to happen.

Cleveland will never win a championship in the NBA or another one in the NFL or MLB. Never. Not in my lifetime, not in anybody's lifetime from here on out.

As Alex put it: "Wow...I'd recommend a sad trombone, but this is cold enough."

Takin' pictures: Fun.




ESPN experts: Fail.


Kevin Garnett, scold machine: KG just loves spanking the Baby.


Lacktion report: And now for chris's Crustacean cookoff Thursday playoff lacktion report:

Crabs-Celtics: Zydrunas Ilgauskas finishes his second stint for Cuyahoga County's crab crew with a 3:2 Voskuhl (fouls against a field goal) in 14:53, while J.J. Hickson had to decide between Princess Peach and Pauline in 10 seconds for a Mario.

For Coach Kevin Garnett, er, Doc Rivers, Marquis Daniels collected a basket of creminis in just 6 seconds for a SUPER MARIO!