Friday, April 8, 2011

Worst of the Night: 1.) Celtics 2.) Celtics 3.) Celtics

It's tough to watch such a thorough beat down of your favorite team, and even tougher to write about it afterward. So, with Bawful needing a break from a "How about those crappy Celtics?" post, it is left to me to handle the duties. So...

How about those crappy Celtics?


A left arm frowny-face tattoo is gonna look so bad. Sniff.

I had the (honor / misfortune) of actually being there (my dad came into town to treat me and my oldest son to the game) and I must say, it was a pure end-to-end crap fest from a Boston fan's point of view. Games like that are tough to interpet: How much of it was the Celtics' being flat, uninspired, not wanting to get injured, and disinterested because it's not a playoff game, and how much of it was that they were simply outclassed?

If you have the game on DVR, check this out:
There's a play that occurs just before the time out with 2:49 left in the first quarter where I think Jeff Green actually thinks he's on defense during an offensive possession. I can't confirm it - it's a close call, but I swear for a good second or two, he's actually trying to stay with his own defender. Seriously. For me, that's the only part of the game that stands out - that's how bad the Celtics were.


This was last night's rebounding:
Bulls aggressively ripping the ball away from...other Bulls.

News flash:
Derrick Rose is a beast. There were at least five plays on which the entire United Center crowd collectively twisted in their seats and threw up their arms like an entourage at a slum-dunk contest. He is the MVP, entourage homie hands down. I got into a little argument with my dad that went like this:

Evil Ted Creator (ETC): "The Bulls offense is great."
Evil Ted Creator Spawn (Evil Ted): "Well, Derrick Rose is great. The rest are good, solid role players."
ETC: "That's ridiculous. A team isn't 1 player and 4 players. It's five players."
ET: "Well, Rose is both and amazing scorer and facilitor, and if you take him off this team, it's mediocre."
ETC: "Again, ridiculous. The fact is, Derrick Rose is on this team, so you can't take him off it like you have in this fictional situation of yours. He's on it, and the offense is great."
ET (lower lip quivering): "I'm just saying..."
ETC: "As your father, I have deemed your opinion crap. My advanced years are irrefutable proof that I am correct and you are an ass. Write that in your buddy's little blog."
ET (sobbing): "Maybe...I...will."
ETC: "Go get me a hot dog...mustard, relish, onions, and Evil Ted tears on it."
ET: "I'm your son. Could you just call me Ted?"
ETC: "No. Tonight you're evil. Begone."

So if you're wondering where I get my edge from, there ya go. But I'll just work through that in therapy. Let's get back to the game...

Aaaaanyway, when a team like the Mavs give up 110 points, we at Basketbawful like to write "_allas Mavericks" to indicate a lack of D. But there's no "D" in Boston Celtics, and maybe it's appropriate that you don't have to alter their name have an absence of "D." The Celtics' Defense was abyssmal, and Rose's mastery in the lane is no more certain indicator that the Celtics will need both O'Neals healthy to make a deep playoff run.

Half time tribute to Scottie Pippen:
Bulls announcer Neil Funk introduced John Paxson, who introduced Scottie Pippen and his family, who were on hand for the unveiling of a bust of...what I can only assume is Scottie's cousin dressed in a Pippen jersey.


Scottie's Cousin Snottie

D. Highmore commented: Is it wrong that the first thing to pop into my head when I saw that Pippen bust was the video for Lionel Richie's "Hello"?

At first, I thought "Is that what Lionel Richie looked like at the time?" And then I realized "Hello" was that video about the blind girl student who sculpts the face of her adoring perv teacher out of clay, and says: "This is how I see you." So fitting, D. Highmore, well done. The Pippen statue, and the student's scupture, and the music video itself all have one thing in common: being simultaneously well-intentioned and yet very, very creepy. The clay likeness of Lionel Richie rears its ugly head, literally, at the 4:56 mark, but I recommend watching this vid in its entirety for full spine-tingling impact:

Anyway, Scottie made a classy, albeit brief and generic, speech. So good for him. Being immortalized (or at least your cousin being immortalized) is awesome by any standard. Speaking of which, if any of you are sculptors, I'm looking to commission an Evil Ted bust to be unveiled this summer at LarryLand.

As for the second half, it was barely worthy of discussion:


The red hairy one played the entire fourth quarter.

It's really depressing to be at a game and realize "Well, at home, this is about the time I would turn off the TV and go do something else," but not be able to do so.

Then there's the inevitable bathroom stop after the game, and being subjected to random "Boston Sucks" and "Fuck Boston" shout outs. I wasn't wearing any Celtics regalia at the game, and generally avoid doing so. Outside this Web site, I'm not big on drawing attention to myself, particularly when said attention could result in fisticuffs with a drunken fan of an opposing team. I just smile, high five, and silently wish a slow, painful death on those around me - standard stuff.

It will be interesting to see if the Celtics have another gear for the playoffs, like they did last season. They're a veteran bunch, and the playoffs are a different animal, but by all accounts, this should have been a game where both teams were in a playoff mentality, trying to send a message to the other in anticipation of said playoffs.

Last night, both teams sent a message, but only Bulls fans went away satisfied by what they heard.

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