Not much time to talk today, so I'll share a quick couple of links.
Solid tweet from "Bill Simmons: "Note to ESPN.com: can we add a ".500 Line" graphic to our Heat Index that shows users if they're above or below .500?"
Here's a must-watch video of Conan O'Brien and Andy Richter mocking local news broadcasts. Your favorite team won!
Worst of the Night in Pictures:
Nationally Televised Friday Games:
Jazz at Hawks, ESPN, 7pm: Both of these teams seem a bit bipolar. I think it's going to come down to which version of each team shows up at different points in this game, particularly the fourth quarter. You never know when Good Jazz will show up at the same time as Bad Hawks and vice versa.
Frail Blazers at Thunder, ESPN, 9:30pm: By the time this game is done, the Blazers might be running short on players thanks to knee injuries. I keep waiting for random assistant coaches to tear ACLs or dislocate patellas just sitting on the bench.
All The Other Friday Games:
Rockets at Pacers, 7pm: Two things. First, I'd just like to quote the opening of the STATS LLC game preview: "Just days ago, the Houston Rockets discussed the idea of increasing Yao Ming's minutes. That plan has hit a definite snag." Second, if the Pacers shoot over 60% from the field again in this game, I will probably need one of you to drive me to the hospital because my brain will explode trying to comprehend that reality.
Craptors at Magic, 7pm: I can't wait for Bawful to post the Raptors Mascot Fail video again Mondy morning.
Bricks at Timberwolves, 8pm: This only reaffirms my point. Darko + David Kahn = entertainment!
76ers at Mavericks, 8:30pm: Quick math lesson for the day: Mavericks' great defense + Sixers awful awful offense = high comedy. Woo.
Kings at Suns, 9pm: So let me get this straight. The Purple Paupers couldn't stop Beasley and the Timberwolves? What are they supposed to do against the Suns? I'm kinda-sorta intrigued.
Pistons at Clippers, 10:30pm: If you need any help getting to sleep, just put the TV on this game, kick back, and snore. This game will be even uglier than Morehead State women's basketball team coach Tom Hodges' suit. (h/t Jimmy Traina)
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Nationally Televised Saturday Games:
Warriors at Bucks, NBA TV, 8:30pm: The Warriors were sold Friday for $450 million. I know, I don't understand it either.
All The Other Saturday Games:
Magic at Nyets, 7pm: Two words: Beat. Down.
Jazz at Bobcraps, 7pm: At what point does Jordan say "fuck it, I'm suiting up again!" just to keep the Bobcraps from being not only awful, but boring?
Pacers at Cavaliers, 7:30pm: I know it's early, but prepare to have your world rocked: as of Friday morning, the Pacers are only half a game out of the Central division lead.
Craptors at Heat, 7:30pm: I can't wait for Bawful to post the Raptors Mascot Fail video TWICE on Monday morning!
Frail Blazers at Hornets, 8pm: So when do we start hearing crap about the Hornets going for 72 wins? Meanwhile, The Onion delivers again. (h/t Basketbawful reader JJ)
Celtics at Grizzlies, 8pm: This stinks of trap game to me for some reason...
76ers at Spurs, 8:30pm: Hey, did you know that "basketball is a game of mistakes?" That quote is going to haunt Doug Collins for awhile, just like Doug Collins' crappy coaching is going to haunt the Seventy Suxorz for awhile.
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Nationally Televised Sunday Games:
Rockets at Bricks, 7:30pm: The Bricks as a team are 9th overall in rebounding, in spite of having Amar''''e Stoudemire on their roster. I am confused and frightened. Hold me.
All The Other Sunday Games:
Timberwolves at Hawks, 2pm: I feel like we need a camera focused on Darko Milicic at all times just so we can truly appreciate how horrific he is. Would anyone else watch that?
Pistons at Kings, 6pm: One of the worst offenses in the NBA goes head-to-head with one of the worst defenses in the NBA. I can't wait for all the sloppy ball movement and ridiculous bad jumpers that are completely uncontested.
Spurs at Thunder, 7pm: The Thunder are averaging an anemic 15 assists per game as a team. How is it this team can be over .500 and yet be so disappointing?
Suns at Lakers, 9:30pm: Some good news to report: Steve Nash's son Matteo was born this weekend. Congrats.