Friday, January 14, 2011

Bawful After Dark: Weekend Watch


Remember guys, we've got some big games coming up Monday thanks to Martin Luther King Jr. Day. This should free up your Sunday quite a bit to go watch football playoffs, or if you're completely and totally uncool like me, the PBA World Championship bowling event.

Worst of the Night in Pictures:

Wizards Timberwolves Basketball
Yeah, that's about as white and awkward as it gets

Magic Thunder Basketball
"YEAH! I'M TOUGH! I'M BAD! HIT ME! Oh come on, dude, you aren't even trying"

(h/t JE Skeets)

Nationally Televised Friday Games:
Mavericks at Spurs, ESPN, 8pm: Here's an amazing video from The Two Man Game, which was also posted on The Basketball Jones -- Get Rick Carlisle-Rolled.

Just when you thought Rick Astley couldn't get any better...

Frail Blazers at Suns, 10:30pm: The Blazers look to take advantage of the Suns defense -- which is even less present than cartlidge in Brandon Roy's knees -- and complete the season series sweep.

All The Other Friday Games:
Bulls at Pacers, 7pm: The Bulls are nearly unstoppable at home, but bad news guys: this is a road game. The team as a whole struggles on the road, but brutal stats from Derrick Rose: 3-for-25 from downtown in his last seven road games, and averaging 5 turnovers a game during that stretch.

Bucks at 76ers, 7pm: My prediction for those of you watching this game on TV: be prepared to wake up from a deep sleep and look at the TV to see an 84-72 score and think "oh, good, I only slept through a few minutes of the second half." But then your eyes will focus so you can look at the game clock, and you'll see there's three seconds left in the damn game.

Pistons at Craptors, 7pm: Aww jeez, what a horrible, horrible excuse for a basketball game. The Pistons are an abysmal trainwreck (their only source of excitement is the pointless Rip Hamilton benching soap opera). And yet they only have one less win than their fossilized, rollerblading opponents.

Bobcraps at Celtics, 7:30pm: The coaching change and resulting spark in player morale in Charlotte seems to have made a difference. They've moved up into 8th in the Leastern Conference. Too bad they're about to be steamrolled tonight. Per the STATS LLC game preview: "The Bobcats have lost their last four games against the Boston Celtics by an average of nearly 27 points -- setting record scoring lows in two of them -- and they'll try to snap a five-game overall skid in the series Friday night at TD Garden."

Kings at Knicks, 7:30pm: Speaking of those STATS LLC game previews, here's another note from them that made me shake my head: "The Knicks look to stop a three-game home losing streak against the Kings, who are on the verge of dropping 13 straight on the road for the first time since 1990-91."

Hornets at Rockets, 8:30pm: K-Mart's status for this game is still uncertain. Here's to hoping Discount Store shows up and makes things at least somewhat interesting.

Cavaliers at Jazz, 9pm: On the other hand, there is essentially no hope for this game being interesting. There's less hope for this game than for the Colin Farrell remake of Total Recall not sucking. I mean, it won't even involve getting anyone's ass to Mars! It'll practically be like a high-budget version of Overdrawn at the Memory Bank!

Clippers at Warriors, 10:30pm: This certainly feels like one of those games were Blake Griffin take advantage of the situation and puts up some stupidly good numbers.

Nyets at Lakers, 10:30pm: Uh oh. This is the first game against the Lakers for Sasha Vujacic since he was traded. Will we be treated to an epic revenge game from The Machine???

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Nationally Televised Saturday Games:
Heat at Bulls, NBA TV, 8pm: I think I have officially hit the point where I am physically sick and tired of LeBron James. Or I could just have a headache that isn't at all related. Either or.

All The Other Saturday Games:
Rockets at Hawks, 7pm: I'm not really feeling this Hawks team. They're just sorta... there. I mean, their best player is named Joe Johnson, which is pretty much the most generic, least assuming name in the NBA.

Craptors at Wizards Generals, 7pm: The Generals are at home. That means there is a slight chance for them to actually win a game! Yay!

Hornets at Bobcraps, 7pm: Thank God this game isn't happening under the glacial pace that the Bobcraps used during Larry Brown's tenure earlier this season. Time might have actually slowed enough that it would have destroyed the spacetime fabric and ruined all our shit, and we wouldn't want that.

Kings at Pistons, 7:30pm: "Kingsatpistons" is Latin for "facepalm."

Magic at Timberwolves, 8pm: The Dwight Howard/Kevin Love rebound battle makes this game surprisingly intriguing.

Mavericks at Grizzlies, 8pm: Amazing to think how much one player can swing this game. If Dirk Nowitzki is healthy and on the floor, this is an easy road win. If he's out, this is a toss-up.

Cavaliers at Nuggets, 9pm: The Cavs may be unspeakably bad, but they are almost middling in assist (21.0 assists per game, which is 18th in the league). So they've got that going for them. Which is nice.

Nyets at Frail Blazers, 10pm: Meanwhile, the Nyets are 29th in points per game AND in assists per game. Yet there are two teams with fewer wins. The NBA -- It's FAAAAAAAAAANtastic!

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Nationally Televised Sunday Games:
Nuggets at Spurs, ESPN, 9pm: Carmelo Carmelo Carmelo Carmelo trade Carmelo Carmelo Ireallydon'tgiveaflyingfuckatthispointwherehegoes Carmelo Carmelo Carmelo

All The Other Sunday Games:
Lakers at Clippers, 3:30pm: Could it be? Could this game actually not suck out loud???

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