Friday, January 28, 2011

Bawful After Dark: Weekend Watch

Heat Knicks Basketball
"Hey Tracy, it's cool. I jack it to Sarah Palin too"

Some rapid-fire links for your Friday enjoyment:

Bill Walton, back in action. (h/t Trey Kirby for retweeting the link)

If you ever wonder why we have a shot clock in the NBA, just remember that we used to have games like this. Yes, I am definitely in favor of the 24 second clock.

We're only a couple weeks from pitchers and catchers reporting, so how about a little basebawful? A collection of the best baseball player names. You really should give this one a read -- you won't be disappointed.

Fantastically random: Did China try to pass off Top Gun as air force footage?

And finally, Russian ripoff of Mystery Science Theater 3000? Yep, it exists. Here is a link to an episode of it, or you can just enjoy the opening sequence in the clip below as we are introduced to the Joike doppelganger and his friends Fidel the penguin and Ketchup the really creepy dog.

How do you say "what is this I don't even" in Russian?

Worst of the Night in Pictures:

Rockets Mavericks Basketball
"High five! Hit me up top!"

Celtics Trail Blazers Basketball
"Damnit Mark, for the last time, no! We're not even in the same city right now!"

Rockets Mavericks Basketball
Meanwhile, Dirk is positively hypnotized by the ball

Mulder and Scully at the Heat game, exploring the mystery of why LeBron just keeps jacking up bad jump shots

Heat Knicks Basketball

Heat Knicks Basketball
You know, D'Antoni has a picture like this almost every single game, and it makes me laugh every single time

Nationally Televised Friday Games:
Celtics at Suns, ESPN, 10:30pm: The C's are on the second night of a back-to-back on the road, have nothing resembling a bench at this point, and are ancient. But the Suns have Vag Carter. Advantage: Celtics.

All The Other Friday Games:
Nyets at Pacers, 7pm: The Nyets have lost 7 of their last 8 games against the Pacers. Then again, that's probably about the same for every single team they've played in the past two years, so whatever.

Grizzlies at 76ers, 7pm: It looks like we'll be missing OJ Mayo for a couple weeks since he's been handed down a 10 game suspension for violating the league's drug rules. But hey, all he did was taken an over-the-counter supplement that apparently transforms into a form of steroids once it's in your body. At least it's better than pulling a Manny Ramirez and being pumped full of female fertility drugs. So, there you go, Memphis fans. A little silver lining for your latest cloud.

Bucks at Craptors, 7pm: If the Bucks can't put up 100 points tonight, they won't do it the rest of the season. Unless it's against the Warriors or Suns. Then they could still do it.

Knicks at Hawks, 7:30pm: Big win over the Heat last night for the Knicks... Letdown game? Letdown game.

Nuggets at Cavaliers, 7:30pm: Seriously Cleveland, it's just getting sad at this point. You've proved your point that LeBron screwed you. You can go ahead and start trying again. Wait, you mean you are trying to win games but just really do suck that bad? (looks at roster) Oh, shit. My bad.

Pistons at Heat, 7:30pm: Yi Jianlian is infamous for posting up a metal folding chair when teams were working him out. I don't think LeBron could post up a beanbag chair.

Magic at Bulls, 8pm: Derrick Rose already has stomach ulcers? Are we sure he's only 22? Or is he like one of those Dominican little league world series guys and is secretly older than Greg Oden?

Wizards Generals at Thunder, 8pm: And the Generals' road losing streak continues.

Timberwolves at Jazz, 9pm: You know you want Kevin Love to be in the All-Star game. Just look at this commercial!

Bobcraps at Warriors, 10:30pm: The Bobcraps have just owned the Warriors this year. Considering how horrible they were before Paul Silas rejuvenated the team (he's won 10 of his 16 games with the Bobcraps!), that's just sad.

Kings at Lakers, 10:30pm: Oooh, this is going to be ugly.

* * *

Nationally Televised Saturday Games:
Hawks at Mavericks, NBA TV, 8:30pm: Pretty solid Simmons piece that includes talks of just how good Dirk Nowitzki is.

All The Other Saturday Games:
Pacers at Bulls, 8pm: Let me just sum up the state of the Pacers by quoting a line from this post at Eight Points Nine Seconds:
But to my knowledge, no teams have ever made the playoffs with both a terrible offense and a terrible defense.
Craptor at Timberwolves, 8pm: Defense? We don't need no stinkin' defense!

Wizards Generals at Grizzlies, 8pm: Want to make certain you don't have sex for the next three months? Take your girlfriend/wife/whatever to a Generals/Care Bears game as an early Valentine's present.

Nyets at Bucks, 8:30pm: This image pretty well sums up this game:

Rockets at Spurs, 8:30pm: You have to think Pops pinches himself after every game wondering if he's dreaming. It just makes no sense that this team is still as stupidly good as it is.

Hornets at Kings, 10pm: Poor Sacramento. They're going to have to repair smoke damage to their arena, because the Hornets are on fire.

Bobcraps at Clippers, 10:30pm: Prediction: Blake Griffin does Blake Griffin-type things to make this game slightly interesting. (Yeah, I know, going out on a limb, eh?)

* * *

Nationally Televised Sunday Games:
Heat at Thunder, ABC, 1pm: Okay, this is a good way to get your Sunday afternoon going.

Celtics at Lakers, ABC, 3:30pm: Ooh! How much better can this day get?

Jazz at Warriors, ESPN, 10pm: ...and nevermind.

All The Other Sunday Games:
Cavaliers at Magic, 6pm: Yeah, I get that the Magic have slowed down after their hot winning streak, but c'mon. It's the Cavaliers. Honestly.

Nuggets at 76ers, 6pm: Story from "Sixers have shot at .500 record." Lofty aspirations in Philly right now, I see.

Pistons at Knicks, 7:30pm: I have nothing interesting to say about this game, so I'm just gonna link you to this picture and caption that absolutely killed me. (via JE Skeets and Gourmet Spud)

Hornets at Suns, 8pm: Hey, stop me if you've heard this one before, but you know what? The Suns are really good at offense and really bad at defense. What? You've heard that one before? Well, darn.

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