Monday, October 4, 2010

New Dumb Injury HoF Entry: Boozer's Bag Boner

broken hand bawful
Beware of bags. And doorbells. And the dark.

Let the chorus of "I told you so's" begin: Carlos "No really, I'm telling you, I'm not injury prone" Boozer is out for approximately eight weeks due to a fracture of the fifth metacarpal on his right hand. It will require surgery to repair and rehab to make right.

Boozer -- who signed a five-year, $80 million contract with the Bulls this summer -- hasn't even played a preseason game for Chicago yet.


The injury didn't happen during some grueling practice session either. He wasn't viciously dunking over a vision of Chris Bosh or anything. No, Boozer earned himself an entry in the Basketbawful Dumb Injury Hall of Shame with this one. As reported by K.C. Johnson of the Chicago Tribune:

"I was at my house, came around a corner, fell over a bag, put my arm down to try to brace myself and fractured my fifth metacarpal into three pieces. I'll get surgery on Tuesday, do my rehab and conditioning, be around the guys."

He tripped over...a bag?

"If I had landed with an open hand I would've been fine. But somehow my right hand got turned over and that's what caused the break."

Wait, wait, wait. What?

"It happened last night, probably 5:30-6 o'clock at night, got it looked at right away. I find out for sure today when I saw the hand specialist. I'm going to get it done as soon as possible, so Tuesday morning I'm going in early to get the surgery taken care of so I can start my rehab process."

But a bag, Carlos? A freakin' bag?

"It was just dark. My doorbell had rang and I tripped over a bag, tried to brace myself and it popped. I jumped back up, opened the door and my hand was still a little bit numb."

C'mon, Carlos. What really happened?

"It was a big bag I had first thing over here at the hotel for training camp. I went back to my place, hadn't unpacked the bag yet, came around the corner, running to get the door and fell over it. I'm 265, 5 percent body fat. I'm heavy, man. I guess I had to brace myself and my weight just collapsed the bone right there."


"At least it happened right now and not later in the season."

Boozer has a point. This way, he'll be free and clear to suffer some other debilitating injury that will force him out of action for a couple months. Getting hurt this early on will significantly increase his Injury Efficiency for the season.

"I'm disappointed and feel bad about it, but we've got guys who will be able to step up and play. I'm going to be there supporting. I'll be the biggest cheerleader and sideline coach and be busting my butt to try and get healthy, attacking my rehab to try and get right."

Uh oh. If Boozer can't answer a door without breaking his hand in three places, I don't want to imagine what'll happen when he "attacks" his rehab. I'm thinking spontaneous combustion is a very real possibility. That's assuming the earth doesn't open up and swallow him first.

"I'll be back stronger than ever and my hand will be just fine. Right when it heals up, they'll slide pins out and move forward."

Thanks for letting us know, Doctor Boozer.

"I don't feel like I'm cursed, just bad luck. I'll get a new bag though. And I'll have someone else answer the door."

I'm not sure anything less than living inside a plastic bubble will be good enough.

But good luck with that, Carlos.

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