Bawful After Dark: Weekend Watch

It may look like Baron Davis wants to yell at Bennett Salvatore, but actually he is just straining to prevent his beard from launching off his face and strangling Salvatore
It's a good day, and the playoffs are almost here. Let's get to it.

Worst of the Night in Pictures:

"Damn! Fighting for the chance to get knocked out of the first round of the playoffs is hard work!"

Come on Crazy Pills, you've got to step up your game. How can you let Beno Udrih have a better incredulous "that wasn't a foul!" face than you?
Nationally Televised Friday Games:
Pistons at Heat: Thank you NBA-TV for giving us a chance to remember just how bad a job Joe Dumars has done lately.

Mavericks at Frail Blazers: Not the best opportunity for the Mavs to clinch the West's #2 seed...

All The Other Friday Games:
Bricks at Magic: I can't wait for all the Mike D'Antoni facepalm pictures from this game.

Bucks at 76ers: Does anyone else miss when the Sixers were relevant?

Craptors at Hawks: (In honor of the Masters, I've gotta throw in a Tiger Woods joke, bear with me here...) I wonder if the Craptors are calling up the Hawks and leaving the following voicemail: "You gotta throw this game for me. Huge. Quickly."

Wizards Generals Bullets at Celtics: This is a "gimme" game for the C's, right? Right? (crickets)

Pacers at Crabs: Ah, a true test of just how badly the Pacers want to ruin their draft pick possibilities!

Jazz at Hornets: I wonder if Chris Paul actually wanted to come back for the last few weeks of the regular season even though they are going to miss the playoffs. Isn't his recovery being put at risk for no obvious reason?

Lakers at Timberwolves: Our last chance of the year to see the battle of the Triangle offenses. Well, okay, maybe "battle" isn't the best word to describe this. "Public humiliation" might be better. (If the Lakers dominate, the Timberpoops are humiliated. If the game is close to the Lakers lose because they just don't give a shit, that is truly embarrassing)

Bulls at Nyets: Nice gift from the scheduling gods for the Bulls' playoff chances.

Suns at Thunder: Ooh. This might be worth firing up the League Pass Broadband...

Bobcats at Rockets: This, on the other hand, not so much.

Grizzlies at Spurs: Here's a nice test to see if Manu and Company can keep the intensity turned up to 11.

* * *

Nationally Televised Saturday Games:
Spurs at Nuggets: Okay, this could be a good game if the Spurs have any energy left. Granted, they probably won't, but I'm holding out hope!

All The Other Saturday Games:
Nyets at Pacers: The Pacers are playing out of their minds, and the Nyets have no reason to keep trying since they no longer are the worst team in NBA history. 130-98 type of score here maybe?

Hawks at Wizards Generals Bullets: Going back to our other nickname for the Bullets, if Washington actually replaced their players with the guys on the Generals, would anybody notice?

Pistons at Bobcats: Only a few more days until we don't have to see the Pistons again until next season!

76ers at Grizzlies: Remember when the Grizzlies were playoff contenders? Those were strange, scary times.

Celtics at Bucks: Is it playoffs time yet in Boston? Damn. Come on. Just end the suffering.

Mavericks at Kings: Okay, this is a better opportunity for the Mavs.

Warriors at Clippers: Damn it. We just had a Clippers/Kings game. Why does the NBA need to torture us fans with another horrendous California teams game so soon?

* * *

Nationally Televised Sunday Games:
Magic at Crabs: Uh oh! A big Eastern Conference showdown and playoff preview!? (Or both teams just sleepwalk through the game since they have nothing to gain by playing hard and risking injury. Either or.)

Frail Blazers at Lakers: We dearly need flex scheduling of some sort to keep all the end-of-regular-season Lakers games off TV.

Bulls at Craptors: An NBA-TV broadcast! That should tell you how important this game is. (Because getting knocked out in four or at best five games in the first round is for some reason one hundred times better than missing the playoffs by one or two games)

All The Other Sunday Games:
Heat at Bricks: I simply cannot get over this stretch of crap teams the Heat get to play to cap the season. Unreal.

Timberwolves at Hornets: Sigh.

Thunder at Warriors: Well, if Kevin Durant really wants that scoring title, this has to be his best stat-padding opportunity game, right?

Rockets at Suns: I doubt the Suns will be as slow and careless on defense as the Jazz were the other night when they let Chuck Hayes score at will in the paint even though he's like 4'3".

Bawful After Dark: Weekend Watch

Sundiata Gaines sings about his love of man love
Is your life missing something? Do your friends and family not respect you? Do you not have a contract with the LA Clippers worth $12.1 million this year alone? Do you not have a friendship with Cash Warren? Have you ever wondered why? Well, now we know. It's because you aren't Baron Davis, and perhaps more importantly, you don't have Baron Davis's beard.

But I have good news! Now you CAN have Baron Davis's beard to help enrich and improve your life! Just watch this commercial and learn how you too can have B-Dizzle's magic facial hair.


This article is a must-read take on defense: "A new way to look at basket protection." This article includes a great breakdown of opponent shooting percentage at the rim plus the opponent free throw rate to determine which teams do the best job of preventing easy points in the paint and don't allow many free throw opportunities. It makes me look bad for complaining about Dwight Howard's defense, but remember that limited statistics don't always tell the whole story. His high emphasis on ego-ectomy blocks that fly into the stands still don't help his team as much as he thinks, for example. However, it does validate that Golden State is just atrocious at defense. Swish!

In news that certainly is of high importance to any Basketbawful reader, Greg Oden update!! As noted by JE Skeets: " 'Greg Oden slowly jogged on an anti-gravity treadmill ...' is already my favorite line of the day." Also from the article:

"You have to be able to stay loose about everything that's going on with my injury problems," Oden said. "With this happening twice and the amount of time and games I have missed, the No. 1 pick pressure, it's tough. You have to be able to look at yourself and have fun."

Good stuff. You've always gotta listen to the advice of your elders. And hey, he's got a new haircut!

And in a little footbawful crossover, the bastion of news reporting that is TMZ tells us that Ben Roethlisberger is being accused again of sexual assault. Ugh. Some people are saying "He's been accused before, and now it's happening again. Two women can't possibly both be wrong/lying!" I have no opinion yet since we haven't heard anything, so all I can say is...


Worst of the Night in Pictures:

Moments before this picture was taken of Chicago Blackhawks player Patrick Kane, he punched Benny the Bull for shorting him 20 cents

Look out kids! Jerry Sloan will tickle the shit out of you with The Claw

When it comes to getting a hand in the face on defense, We'll give Rudy Gay an "A" for effort for this one

Nationally Televised Friday Games:
Pistons at Crabs: We are all witnesses... to the further demise of Joe Dumars' credibility.

Hornets at Spurs: The last game the Spurs played was Monday... against these very same Hornets. Now the Spurs play 15 games in the next 25 days, including five back-to-backs. Good thing LifeAlert is always there for them just in case.

All The Other Friday Games:
Celtics at 76ers: Whenever I think of Zombie Michael Finley suiting up for the Celtics, I think of Weekend at Bernie's 2. Will they have to constantly play music over the PA system to keep him moving?

Bucks at Bullets: Hey, doesn't it seem like these two teams just played? Oh, that's right. They did.

Bricks at Raptors: You are now entering a defense-free zone. (Wait, the word "zone" implies a kind of defense. Nevermind.)

Lakers at Bobcats: The 'Cats show up for big games, and the Lakers might be tired from a grind-out OT loss. Good game.

Warriors at Hawks: The Warriors have lost 16 of 17 on the road. I wonder if that is somehow related to not only being coached by Don Nelson, but also being composed of benchwarmers filling in for other injured benchwarmers?

Magic at : As noted by AnacondaHL "BBref's Playoffs Probability Report has the Nets winning 10+ games. I don't want to believe." Neither do I.

Kings at Mavericks: The Mavs have to play the night after this as well. Good thing they can get plenty of rest in this game!

Pacers at Nuggets: Back in the day, Indy dominated Denver. But then Indy remembered "hey, we're in Indiana, we should suck so we fit in with the rest of the state," so now they've lost 9 of the last 11 to Denver. (Hey, I live 20 minutes from the Indiana border and go in that state frequently, I know of what I speak.)

Thunder at Clippers: Whenever you need a little pick-me-up after a couple bad games, there's always the Clippers to cheer you right up.

* * *

Nationally Televised Saturday Games:
at Bricks: Oh no. The only thing that could possibly be worse than this is if they made Police Academy 8. Wait, they ARE making Police Academy 8??? I need Michael Winslow to come make sounds for me so I can accurately mime shooting myself in the temple.

All The Other Saturday Games:
Warriors at Bobcats: Another Warriors road game, another Warriors loss.

Hawks at Heat: Okay, so the Heat looked pretty darn good against the Lakers Thursday. However, I'm still not buying into them being a good team.

Mavericks at Bulls: According to that defensive stats analysis article I mentioned earlier, the Bulls are a decent defensive team. Now watch the Mavs crap all over that idea.

Rockets at Timberwolves: I don't really have anything interesting to say about this game, so I'll just link to this awesomeness by the Onion instead. Who wants to spoof Mutombo? (h/t Jonah Keri for retweeting the link)

Spurs at Grizzlies: Did you know Hasheem Thabeet is the 2nd highest paid player on the Grizzlies?

Crabs at Bucks: Watch out, King Crab! The John Salmons Era is in full force! (Sorry, couldn't say it with a straight face.)

* * *

Nationally Televised Sunday Games:
Lakers at Magic: When I first read "Lakers" and "Magic" next to each other, I got all excited and thought about the Showtime Lakers with Magic Johnson dueling with the Celtics. Then I remembered we'll see Kobe versus the Pumaman in this game, and I died a little inside.

Bullets at Celtics: On second thought, perhaps Zombie Michael Finley will be more like the zombie in Zombie Nightmare. Now, we just need to find Adam West and that guy from Thor...

Frail Blazers at Nuggets: Another quality Western Conference game, and it's on national TV. Love it.

All The Other Sunday Games:
76ers at Raptors: Not so much a quality game here...

Rockets at Pistons: The Discount Store era isn't going so well in Houston. I wonder if the Sactown fans still are bitching about trading him? Chris?

Thunder at Kings: Speaking of the Purple Paupers... Well, at least they do have Tyreke the Freak putting up insane numbers. Case in point... the Reke-o-Meter!