Dirk shows us a summary of the Mavericks' playoff appearance via interpretive
dance
In a hurry today, guys. Gotta keep it short (like a Bobcats playoff appearance).
Need a bawful gift for a kid? Today only on kids.woot.com, you can pick one or more of these bad boys for cheap (like $10 cheaper than the nba.com store).
If only they were a little taller, you could recreate Shaq's body type on the Crabs Potato Head
Worst of the Night in Pictures:
Chin up, Brandon Roy! At least you weren't there for the five other consecutive first round losses.
Rowdy Roddy Piper says you're doing it wrong:
All The Friday Games: Hawks at Bucks - ESPN, 7:00pm Bucks lead series 3-2
Bad news, Bango. The old Sonics mascot already outdid your puny 16' ladder backflip dunk with a 20' ladder backflip dunk!
However, some good news if you're a Bucks fan. (And horrible news if you're a fan of fair, competitive basketball). Bill Simmons tweets: "Best sign if you're a Bucks fan: Bennett Salvatore is tonight's crew chief. An all-time "get swept up by the home crowd" ref."
Lakers at Thunder - ESPN, 9:30pm Lakers lead series 3-2
An elimination game for the Thunder could be interesting. Only three of their players have ever been in the playoffs before this season. Seriously, I am looking forward to this one. Hopefully the Thunder don't get cockblocked by Luke Walton.
Nuggets at Jazz - ESPN2, 10:00pm Jazz lead series 3-2
Okay, Denver did look pretty good the other night. However, Nene is out with a hyperextended knee. Also, Jerry Sloan has coaching experience dating back to the days of showing Grog and his caveman buddies how to throw a rock inside the hole in the cave wall. That has to be an advantage.
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All The Saturday Games: Celtics at Crabs - TNT, 8:00pm Series tied 0-0
I am greatly enjoying following LeBron's Elbow on Twitter. However, I keep waiting for him to link to this:
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All The Sunday Games: Bucks at Hawks - ABC, 1:00pm Series tied 3-3
LeBron dislikes when the spotlight isn't on him, and poor Yuna is concerned with what's happening in that banner
Welcome, Basketbawful's loyal readers, to an exciting emasculated AHL edition of Worst of the Night! Let's just be honest here: you're damn right I watched figure skating last night. I love me some dominating performance, just like I wish for the Knicks/Bulls/Heat super team next year. Anyways, lets get to the bawful.
That game literally no one watched: It was a sports filled night, with the TNT slate of superstar suckup, a gritty USA-CAN gold medal hockey showdown, and Yuna Kim dominating her pathetic competitors with sassy yet humble confidence. (You know you love it.). Brandon Jennings scored 9 of the 'sconsin Male Deer's 13 points in the last six minites to hold off a Pacers mini comeba-...ugh, this is just depressing to talk about.
Brandon Jennings: Speaking of The Gumby, you guys have been following this rookie's splits, right? No? Check out his monthly FG% progression: 51.6%, 42.0%, 37.6%, 32.4%, to 30.3% this month. So I guess technically his 6-18 shooting performance was an improvement.
But fear not, readers! This Yung Buck rookie Euro-trotter is figuring his stuff out. Via AP, “I’m starting to learn more as I go how to take care of the ball in late situations,” Jennings said. “Fourth quarter, with three minutes or four minutes to go, I want the ball in my hands.” The mic cut at this point, but I'm pretty sure I saw him mouth that he wants more air-fives in Andrew "20-20-5" Bogut's hands.
The Cleveland Cavaliers: Although they put up a few lazy mini-pushes here and there, mostly consisting of LeBron jacking up threes, the game was pretty much over after the 1st Quarter, where the TNT mics picking up the *word KG actually says during the game very loudly* seemed to inspire the Boston team. Sadly, I missed LeBron's missed dunk due to egregious channel surfing, but was able to catch some nameless skater biff it on a triple axle. Shaq left in the 2nd with a pulled pork sandwich significant right thumb sprain.
There's so many ways to skin this crab. The Cavs are 1-4 with Whiner "Waah I Deserve To Be An All Star" extraordinaire Mo Williams back, 1-2 since Jamison's 12 miss performance, 1-3 since the heart and soul of the team was traded, whichever.
March 21st: Speaking of trades, this would be the day Big Z can return to the Cavs. Which everyone and their mother is already talking about as an inevitability, possibly due to all sports media's contract to fellate LeBron every 49 minutes. This 30 day rule is a joke.
...
...wait what? The Cavs kept whittling away and fought back? And won by how many points? And Mo Williams played goodish? Ughhh, *KG word*-it, I'm not re-writing the above section...
The Boston Celtics: Speaking of leaving, as in leaving a 44% 3pt shooter wide open multiple times and leaving your offensive game plan to get locked down by the Cavs defence, way to score 30 to Cleveland's 58 in the 2nd half to blow the lead towards a pathetic 106-88 outcome. Now I haven't followed the Celtics as close as Bawful has, but I think they are doing someting similar to Suns style blown leads recently. Well Celtics fans, there's my inkling of sympathy for your situation. Just watching a striking contrast in effort by those Nordic Combined skiiers compared to the Celtics down the stretch could make even the least patriotic puke a little in their mouths.
But now that they actually played a not sucky opponent like the Knicks, seems like they're going to really be missing Paul Pierce. 16 4thQ points Tuesday, and 14 tonight, so I guess you could say that.
Arkansas: For losing to the LSU tigers, where former Tigers alums Big Baby and Big Geritol discussed pregame their alma matter not being winless in the SEC anymore at the Razorbacks expense. Way to fight for that dance spot.
PAC-10: Projecting just California to make it? What the hell guys.
Every skater not named Yuna Kim: You all fail. For not being Yuna. Just stop trying. This is a massacre.
The Golen State Warriors: Speaking of missing the first half of this game, maybe the high pace Warriors were too busy rooting for one of the other skating scrubs as they entered halftime behind 61-42.
...
...wait, what? They cut it to 65-56? eventually leading to a... oh they still lost. But boy, the crowd is incredible. There's no obnoxious house pop music, and you can actually feel the excitement when Curry pulled off his fakeout swoop shot, then left-handed hook in the 3rd. And when they boo, it's not shallow and angsty like Dallas or Phoenix crowds. Or maybe they're more Taco Bell'd, and just simply accept their 112-127 loss.
Says Barkley: "They're like an untalented Phoenix team". Then again, Sir Charles also claims he's leaving recreational golf for tennis. Anyways, I was curious how often the SSOL Suns gave up 127 points. Turns out, 24 times with a record of 4-20, including OT games. 18 games where 127 was reached in 4 quarters. Golden State over the same time? An uncanny 27 times with a record of 5-22. So I guess my advice to Warriors fans is, even if you end up with an All-Star loaded roster, somehow you'll still get screwed by crappy management and freak injuries.
The "Mr. Big Shot" nickname: Speaking of crappy, okay, does sinking 3s in the 3rd quarter to extend a lead still qualify you for this nickname? Ugh to everyone.
Dirk Nowitski merchandising: Oddly, this is actually pretty bawesome, in a so-far-beyond-the-donut-shaped-universe-it-circles-back-onto-itself way:
Lacktion Report: While not parsing lacktion in Element and Component scores, chris double checks that Russian judge for tonight's short program.
Chris: Before we begin tonight's ledger of lame, I would like to make a shout out to 2009's 2nd overall pick (same spot as Sam Bowie, Shawn Bradley, Stromile Swift and Darko Milicic!) Hasheem Thabeet, the HIGHEST PICKED PLAYER EVER DEMOTED TO THE D-LEAGUE.
Thabeet's career of lack (the 36th player in the Association to garner unproductivity) started on November 2nd with a 54 second Mario, followed with two more somnambulent appearances in the next four days. While he did not go completely unproductive again until February 10th, he earned 6 Voskuhls to that point.
Thabeet's fifth and final appearance in pure unproductivity so far this year was rather recent - a 59 second Mario on February 21st (which also included a +3 suck differential and a 3:0 Voskuhl, giving him a +7 suck differential total for the season). Let's hope it's not the last time his draft bust status reveals itself in the big show!
But wait...there's more - enjoy this quote of motivation and hunger from a man whose current best night in the Association totaled a mere TEN POINTS:
Me being the No. 2 pick doesn't mean I have to go and contribute right away. There's a reason they drafted me. I just have to work hard, get better and then one day be able to answer the call.
Hey, not every 2nd overall disappointment gets the opportunity to earn one more ring than John Stockton or Reggie Miller by sulking on the bench for a championship team! Of course, instead of sulking on the bench, he'd rather Tweet from the mall, so no surprise here...
UPDATE: So this is supposedly only a ten day stint in Dakota. Like ten days are needed to see how astronomically bawful this guy is? One minute perusing the lacktion report is more than enough, I say...
Bucks-Pacers:Royal Ivey may now be in southeast Wisconsin, but that doesn't mean he's abdicated from his spot on the ledger - two fouls combined with two bricks from the charity stripe led to a +4 suck differential in 5:23!
Crabs-Celtics: In 2:50 of garbage time, the senior citizens appropriately played out the ancient fariytale of The Three Lacktators - former Knickerbocker Marcus Landry bricked twice from the Custom House Tower for a +2, while Brian Scalabrine glowed in the wake of a 2.8 trillion prize, and Shelden Williams countered a steal and block with two fouls for a 2:0 Voskuhl.
So, it's Mardi Gras. And yet I'm stuck looking at snow for either the 11th, 12th, or 13th consecutive day (I lost count. Sigh.) Meanwhile, our head writer/editor is in a warm weather climate, drinking until most of his fine motor skills cease to function properly. No, I'm not bitter, why do you ask?
It's the first night of NBA games since the All-Star break. Let's get to it.
Bawful Trade of the Day: Today's trade is, sadly, a real trade. Frail Blazers receive: Marcus Camby Clippers receive: Steve Blake, Travis Outlaw, $1.5mil cash, and Portland will be responsible for $2mil in Camby's incentives
Portland is obviously delighted to get a big man to help fill in the gap created by injuries to Greg Oden and Joel Pryzbilla (and no, Juwan Howard's mummified remains aren't a very reliable stopgap). However, this trade is just an abomination from the Clippers' point of view.
Marcus Camby did not want to be traded, and the Clippers did not inform him in advance that they were going to move him. And even worse, what exactly does LA stand to gain from this trade? A backup point guard, and someone who has been injured this season. Shouldn't a 7-footer who is a reasonable defender and excellent rebounder be a fairly prized commodity? Shouldn't you be able to set his value pretty high just by waiting a little closer to the deadline and negotiating deals between several different teams?
Oh, wait. As noted by Bill Simmons, the $1.5 million in cash "covers 55% of Sterling's racial discrimination settlement." So there you go. Now the trade makes perfect sense!
(And isn't it nice just to see Mike Dumbleavy continuing to bring us bawful entertainment even if he isn't coaching anymore?)
Worst of the Weekend in Pictures:
Dirk and Kaman get ready for the junior prom (via Steve Nash)
Can somebody tell me why Clutch wasn't in the Celebrity Game playing alongside Chris Tucker?
Nationally Televised Games: Suns at Grizzlies: I don't give a crap about this game. I just want to see what team gets suckered into taking Amar''''e and gives him a max contract he doesn't deserve. The sooner, the better!
All The Other Games: Heat at 76ers: Bad news: the Heat have dropped six straight in Philly. Good news? Iverson's back, so Philly can now go back to losing games.
Timberwolves at Pistons: I have to quote this preview because it made me laugh: "With a sub-.500 record, the Detroit Pistons find themselves in an atypical position coming out of the All-Star break. There's nothing unusual about the Minnesota Timberwolves having a losing record at All-Star weekend, though."
Knicks at Bulls: Rose is tight and sore after playing in the All-Star game while hurt, and Joakim Noah still is battling plantar fasciitis. New York is still battling a case of being the Knicks, so that kinda balances things out.
Mavericks at Thunder: Will Dallas benefit from the Caron Butler trade (which helped further turn the Bullets into a real-life version of our Null-Star team)? This is our first chance to see if it helps them remember how to play defense.
Jazz at Rockets: Rumors have Knee-Mac getting shipped to New York. I'm sure the Rockets players will be on Cloud 9 and will play their asses off in this game if the trade suddenly goes down this afternoon.
Clippers at Frail Blazers: I like how the Clippers/Blazers trade happened when the Clips were already in Portland. It saved Donald Sterling a few bucks in long distance phone charges, and I'm sure he appreciates that.
Celtics at Kings: It has now been one year since Kevin Garnett jacked up his knee and began Boston's gradual decline. Excuse me while I go drink until I can't feel feelings.
Warriors at Lakers: Ellis an Maggette both are questionable at best for this game. At what point do we have to start pulling random fans out of the stands to fill the bench for the Warriors?
