Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Worst of Steve Nash's Birthday


The Cleveland Cadavers: Cleveland's Ryan Hollins is seven feet tall.

Jason Terry is 6'2".

With the Cadavers trailing by a single point, with under nine minutes to go in the game, which of these two men do you suppose won a crucial jump ball?


Then, as the final seconds were ticking away, Jamario Moon and Antawn Jamison both had chances to launch a potential game-tying three. Were they covered? Totally. But, at that point, the only valid option was to shoot. If they played hot potato with the ball, time would expire.

What do you suppose they did?


History has been made: 25 losses in a row. Only one win in the last 36 games.

Not only is that the longest losing streak the NBA has ever seen -- surpassing the previous mark set by the early 80s Cadavers from the end of the 1981-82 season to the start of the 1982-83 season -- it's now the the second-longest skid in the four major professional sports. According to ESPN Stats and Information, only the 1976-77 Tampa Bay Buccaneers and the 1889 Colonols lost more consecutive games than the 2010-11 Cleveland Cadavers.

And, gulp, the Cadavers are only one loss away from tying those teams. Two losses from passing them by.

Sweet Spider-Man's balls.

Said Jamison: "We're in the record books, we all know that, something we don't want to be a part of, but you can't go back and turn back the hands of time. We've got to worry about moving forward. The most important thing is getting a win."

Added Dirk Nowitzki: "Once you are in a funk -- I was in it my first two years -- it almost seems like you find a way to lose. That last possession was a perfect example."

The Boston Celtics: The Leprechauns were missing five players -- The Big Geritol (jelly legs), The Drain (peanut brittle knees), Wild West (wrist), Marquis Daniels (bruised spinal cord) and Semih Erden (abductor strain) -- and they were coming off a big home win over the Magic the day before. Back-to-back games. Old team. No depth. On the road.

Hmm, wonder what happened?

Boston was up by four points going into the fourth quarter...during which they were outscored 29-20 by a Bobcraps team that was without leading scorer Stephen Jackson (see below).

Charlotte outrebounded Boston 50-37 and outran them 16-6 on the fast break.

To me, the C's seemed to have tired legs. But Doc Rivers thought they had weak hearts.

Said Doc: "I thought our guys came in with their cool game today and thought they were going to win it, maybe because of our jerseys."

Just throwing this out there, but according to ESPN Stats and Information, the Celtics are 6-7 on the second game of back-to-backs this season. They are 2-7 when the second game is on the road.

Stephen Jackson: With 1:38 left in the second quarter, Jackson got tagged with a foul for his hand-to-hand combat against a posting Kevin Garnett. In true S-Jax fashion, he wigged out on the official. Tech. Tech. Eject.

Said Bobcraps coach Paul Silas: "He just kept talking and talking and talking, and of course they gave him the ejection."

Jackson now has 13 technical fouls on the season. Three more and it's a one-game suspension.

Kendrick Perkins versus Kwame Brown: If you loved Godzilla versus Mothra...

Eduardo Najera, quote machine: On being the latest recipient of Kevin Garnett's whistling elbow: "He did elbow me in the face at the end. I just told him he hits like my grandma."

I know that sounds like an insult, but this is Ed's grandma. That woman's fists could wreck cars.

But, in all seriousness: KG...what are you doing?!

(The above link is from Basketbawful reader Ryan P.)

The New Orleans Hornets: What goes risin' up...must come crashin' down.

The Hornets started the season on fire. Then they iced over. Then they won 10 in a row. Now they've lost five of six.

Last night's defeat was a real nut-buster: A 12-point home loss to the Minnesota Timberwolves.

Perspective check: Minny began the night 2-22 on the road and having lost 14 of their last 16 games.

Plus, get this, Darko Milicic left with a left hip flexor strain in the first quarter and Michael Beasley went down in the fourth quarter because of an ankle sprain. Considering the relative talent levels, that should have offset the absences of Emeka Okafor and Trevor Ariza.

And, I can't stress this enough, they're the freakin' Timberwolves.

Yet the Hornets trailed by as many as 21 points.

Some other pro-Minnesota numbers: 37 points in the second quarter. 25-for-25 from the line. 22 second-chance points. 11-for-26 (42 percent) from downtown. An Offensive Rating of 117.1 against of the league's top defenses.

Said Hornets coach Monty Williams: "We didn't respect that team that had already embarrassed us on their floor, and they came out on our floor and did the same thing. A 37-point quarter is embarrassing. I don't care who is out."

Added Chris Paul: "That team there has 12 wins on the season now and two of them have been against us. They were out there all rah-rah, talking junk and stuff and I guess they deserved it tonight."

By the way, Kevin Love scored 27 points, grabbed 17 rebounds, and went 14-for-14 from the free throw line. It was Love's 37th consecutive double-double. According to the AP recap, he joined John Stockton and Kevin Garnett as the only Association players to have that many straight Double D's in the last 25 years.

Now, just for fun, list all the things wrong with this picture:

whats wrong

The Sacramento Kings: The Paupers entered the fourth quarter of their home game against the Jazz with a seven-point lead...

...and lost by three.

Excremento was outscored 27-17 in the fourth. Thanks to Utah's zone defense, the Sactowners managed only 7 points in the final 6:36 of the game.

And, honestly, the last play of the game just screamed "Sacramento Kings." Down three with seconds to go, Omri Casspi chucked up an ugly three-point attempt that hit nothing but air. Game over.

Said Casspi: "We ran a play to set up for Tyreke, but I got kind of open. I just lost the ball on the way up. The ball slipped out of my hand."

Of course, the Purple Ones probably lost the game because of their 20 turnovers.

Said Sactown coach Paul Westfail: "I thought the turnovers killed us. They killed us in the first half and they killed us in the second. We built a lead in the second half by taking care of the ball, and then turnovers popped up again down the stretch. That's a good team and you can't just give them those possessions like we did."

The Denver Nuggets: It's always fun when a player scored 50 and his team loses anyway. Welcome to the 50-point Losers Club, Carmelo Anthony. Glad to have ya!

Also, according to ESPN Stats and Information, 'Melo was the first player to drop 50 without registering an assist since Michael Redd did it in 2006. Kobe Bryant also did it in 2005 and Tony Delk did it in 2001. Three of those four 50-point/0-assist games were losses.

Just sayin'.

(I must reluctantly admit the Lakers were the team that won.)

Said Kevin Martin: "We played a great game as a team. Outside of Carmelo, didn't nobody really do anything."

For the record, the Nuggets missed 13 free throws in a five-point loss.

The Chicago Bulls: Chicago's defense sucked huge, hairy, Donkey Kong testicles. Movin' on...

The Golden State Warriors: How did Captain Canada celebrate his 37th birthday? Other than another double-double (14 points and 15 assists) that is. Wine out of a paper bag, baby!

Well, okay, it was a gift from his teammates.

The gifts just kept on coming, in the form of raining threes, as the Suns drilled 10 of 'em. The Warriors, on the other hand, went 2-for-18 from downtown and forced only 6 turnovers. And since Golden State pretty muchy lives of threes and forced turnovers that lead to easy transition baskets, the fact that they fell behind by 23 at home isn't a huge surprise.

Said Monta Ellis: "We played terrible. It's embarrassing for our fans that we came out and played the way we played. We'd been playing great the last few games and to come out and put up a performance like this is very disappointing."

Added Warriors coach Keith Smart: "You're not going to beat them at their game. It's not going to happen."

Now...a special tribute...to our boy Steve.

Okay. One more.

Goran Dragic: From the AP game notes: "Phoenix G Goran Dragic missed his fourth straight game after cutting his left foot stepping on a piece of broken glass at his home, requiring nine stitches."

Carlos Boozer sympathizes, Goran. Walking around your home can be hell.

Chris's lacktion report:

Lakers-Grizzlies: Hasheem "Second Overall" Thabeet fouled once in 1:58 for a +1 and 1:0 Madsen-level Voskuhl, while Xavier Henry had 36 seconds to grab the fire flowers in a Mario.

Wolves-Hornets: Darko Milicic made two fouls in 3:55 for a +2 and 2:0 Voskuhl, while fellow puppy Kosta Koufos collected 1.4 trillion (1:23) worth of riches.

For New Orleans, DJ Mbenga marked up his statline with four boards and a field goal in 16:24, only to lose the rock twice and take five fouls for a 7:6 Voskuhl.

Super Sad Cavs-Mavs: Manny Harris handily celebrated THE LONGEST LOSING STREAK IN ASSOCIATION HISTORY SINCE THE BEGINNING OF TIME IMMORTAL, by taking a foul and two turnovers in 5:35 for a +3!!!

Bulls-Frail Blazers: Luke Babbitt fouled once in 2:41 for a +1 and a 1:0 Madsen-level Voskuhl.

Jazz-Constricted Breathing Passage Purple Paupers: Ronnie Price found celebration worth a brick and two fouls for a +3 in 2:54, and Jeremy Evans joined in the jubilation with two fouls in 64 seconds for a +2.

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