Monday, February 7, 2011

Bawful After Dark: February 7, 2011

Heat Bobcats Basketball"Damnit MJ, I can't believe I let you talk me into making all those Super Bowl bets..."

Kelly Dwyer -- the only other basketball fan I know who can make a Steely Dan reference on the fly -- took some time to remind of the saddest NBA game ever. You know, aside from any of Cleveland's games this year.

Curious about the NBA's stance on baseball? Check out this now-deleted tweet. (h/t Bruce Arthur)

I think we can all agree that the halftime show in this year's Super Bowl was footbawful at its finest/worst. Honestly, Black Eyed Peas, how do you make Slash suck? That takes effort. And putting a bedazzled top hat on him? Sigh. (And Usher? Really? Really?) Anyway, I took the liberty of compiling my favorite tweets from last night related to the halftime show. Kind of a long list, but how could it not be long? That was a long ass halftime show of failure and sadness. And white-suited guys with weird glowing boxes on their heads.
Bill Corbett from Mystery Science Theater 3000:
"Will.U.Are sucking"
"Holy crap, another Superbowl wardrobe malfunction! Will.He.Is has plastic crap all over his head!!"

Matt Sussman:
"This halftime show has been sponsored by the Foundation For A Shittier Life."
"The book of Revelations has come true."

Sports Pickle:
"Apparently in the future there will be a lot of awful music. Thankfully we'll all be dead."
"Troy Polamalu on guitar! Neat!"
"My God. Her voice is like hell. Hell as sound. In my ears. Burning. Burning hell ears."
"I hope this year's wardrobe malfunction is Fergie's throat spontaneously combusting."
"Fergie doesn't need auto-tune. She needs auto-kill. Dallas needs a RoboCop."
"Thank god Axel Rose isn't alive to see this."
"Those things the dancers have on their heads are the new NFL concussion helmets."

Bobby Big Wheel:
"The Black Eyed Peas dancers look like Tron sperm"
"I just like to imagine John Madden asking George W. Bush what the hell is going on in the halftime show."

Free Darko:
"This is like a Kim Jon Il sci-fi epic."
"Really would it have killed Axl and Slash to make up and spare us from this?"
"I wish Usher hadn't made that deal with the devil."
"Nice product placement, The Container Store."

Fake Brian Scalabrine: "The Black Eyed Peas are like the Me of Super Bowl Halftime Shows."
Jeff Passan: "I kid you not: My 3-year-old just pointed to Fergie and said, "That lady has testicles." #kidsarethebest
Gus Ramsey: "Why is that guy wearing a Light Bright?"
JosephScrimshaw (during the start of the 3rd quarter of the game): "It would be so awesome if there was a random box head Tron dancer lost & wandering on the field right now."
ArkansasFred: "Let's get, it started in here!"
NHL player Paul Bissonnette: "Wish they woulda stuck one of those boxes the dancers were wearing on Fergie's head."

Speaking of Bill Corbett, he linked to this gem as well:

"My god, the Giant Spider Invasion prophecy just came true"

Worst of the Weekend in Pictures:

Cavaliers Varejao Surgery BasketballGood Lord, Anderson Varejao's Sideshow Bob haircut looks even worse in street clothes

Trail Blazers Cavaliers BasketballThis Cleveland fan isn't sad because the Cadavers suck -- he wears the bag all the time, and the woman behind him understandably rejected his advances

63337608Hey Doc, shouldn't you be coaching instead of checking out the dance team?

Clippers Heat BasketballInvisible Cigarette

Lakers Hornets BasketballBall.

Timberwolves Raptors Basketball"AAAAAAAAAAH"

Heat Bobcats Basketball"OHHHHHHHH"

Magic Wizards BasketballIt's impossible for a Stan Van Gundy picture to not make me smile

Nationally Televised Games:
Timberwolves at Hornets, NBA TV, 8pm: Anyone over at NBA TV want to explain the appeal of this game to me? The Hornets are slumping, yes, but the Timberpoops are frightened that playing defense might result in six more weeks of winter, regardless of whatever that groundhog said the other day. My prediction for this game? Pain (for the viewers, at least).

Suns at Warriors, NBA TV, 10:30pm: Speaking of no defense... Also, random Steve Nash tweet goodness (his response to the retweet is in parentheses).

All The Other Games:
Celtics at Bobcraps, 7pm: Ray Allen. Four treys away from beating Reggie Miller's record. Stephen Jackson. Four techs away from a one-game suspension. Can you guess which of these teams is in a better place right now?

Lakers at Grizzlies, 8pm: Heads up: the last three games between these teams in Memphis have been nail-biters. Also, Memphis has won the last two meetings between these two teams. Could be worth checking out.

Cadavers at Mavericks, 8:30pm: This game could be historical, record-breaking bawful. Why isn't it on national TV??? ABC, ESPN, TNT, and NBA TV, get your priorities straight!

Rockets at Nuggets, 9pm: Fun stat of the day: Denver is 28-6 when scoring at least 103 points, and 2-15 the rest of the time. Hey Rockets, just FYI, you might want to consider playing defense for a change tonight.

Bulls at Frail Blazers, 10pm: Word of warning: the Bulls do not fare well in trips to Portland. They've dropped 9 of 11 at the Rose Garden, and the Blazers have been putting up some nice offense the past few games. (Of course, playing against Cleveland will do that to you. Said Andre Miller: "You don't want to be the top headline: 'Streak ends to Portland Trail Blazers.' Guys took a little pride in that.")

Jazz at Kings, 10pm: Can someone please tell me what's going on with the Jazz? This team is just all over the map. Deron Williams is banged up and the entire team just looks like they don't want to be on the court. And yet they're still in much better shape than the Purple Paupers. Jerry Sloan FTW.

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