First things first: woah David Stern!
Via Deadspin, your random read of the day: Compiling The Absurd Box Score For Space Jam; Or, Shawn Bradley Sucked Against Cartoons, Too. One word: trillion.
Worst of the Weekend in Pictures:
Nationally Televised Games:
Celtics at Knicks, NBA TV, 7:30pm: Whenever I talk to my friends that are basketball fans, they keep touting how awesome the Knicks are going to be now that they have Amar'e and Carmelo. Can someone please go talk some sense into them for me?
All The Other Games:
Magic at Cadavers, 7pm: If the Magic can win this one, they will sweep their season series against the Cadavers. In other breaking news, water is wet. (Unless it's frozen. Oh snap! Things just got confusing!)
Pacers at Nyets, 7pm: The Pacers are still fighting for that 8th spot in the Leastern Conference with the Bobcraps and the Bucks. So they get to play the Nyets who are missing Deron Williams in an attempt to bring their record up to 31-40. What a scintillating battle for the playoffs. (Cough)
Kings at Bulls, 8pm: Good news for the Bulls: the Suckramento Kings have gotten their one win for the month out of the way, so they probably won't give the Bulls too much of a fight tonight. Bad news: the Kings actually won a game. For them, that's "surging."
Jazz at Grizzlies 8pm: If you had the Jazz below the Suns in your preseason playoff odds, you're a better prognosticator than me.
Warriors at Spurs, 8:30pm: Just think: if the Warriors were in the East, they'd probably be a playoff team even though their road record is 9-26 and is the basketball equivalent of this debacle.
Craptors at Nuggets, 9pm: Huzzah! The Nuggets get to play one of the rare teams that plays even less defense than them!