Worst of the Night: December 16, 2010

Welcome to Nene's poster, Timmy. Sad Duncan Face.
The Generals-Nyets game: In THIS COR-NAH, coming in with AN 0-12 ROAD RECORD: The WASHINGTON...GEN-UH-RALS! And in the OTHER COR-NAH, weighing in with AN EIGHT-GAME LOSING STREAK: The hometown NEW...JERSEY...NYETS!

Okay, okay. It wasn't exactly a heavyweight slugfest. It was more like two eight-year-old girls slap-fighting over a Bratz doll. Actually, no. That would be far more entertaining than what went on in the Prudential Center last night.

New Jersey's basketball incompetence (40 percent shooting -- including 2-for-8 from downtown -- plus 21 turnovers) was narrowly outmatched Washington's spectacular suckitude (39 percent shooting with 21 turnovers).

In the end, this monstrosity was decided at the charity stripe, where the home team had a 47-28 advantage in free throw attempts. And it's a good thing, too, considering they bricked 12 of 'em.

Of course, the Generals were minus John Wall and Andray Blatche. And Devin Harris showed off his mad leadership skillz by calling a team meeting to let his fellow Nyet know that, if they lost this game, they might not win a game this month.

Said Devin Harris: "This was one we had to have. If I'm going to be the guy here, then it's all about being aggressive and making things happen. ... It's not the way we wanted to win. We had to scratch and claw for everything. We have to be able to get it any way we can. This is the way we have to play."

Again: 40 percent shooting and 21 turnovers. And this is the way you guys have to play, Devin?No wonder your team is now 52-129 -- almost a full NBA season below .500 -- since you said "We knew we were going to be a playoff team" back in December of 2008.

Screamed Nyets coach Avery Johnson: "HE HAD A LITTLE TEAM MEETING WITH THE GUYS AND THE GUYS RESPONDED. DEVIN TOOK CHARGE ON BOTH ENDS OF THE FLOOR FOR US. WE NEED DEVIN TO PLAY LIKE THIS. WE NEED DEVIN TO TAKE SHOTS."

Let's see now. Devin finished 7-for-25 from the field, 1-for-5 from downtown and 14-for-17 from the line. Oh, don't worry, Avery. He'll take shots. He'll definitely take shots.

The Atlanta Hawks: As I like to say, NBA teams don't get many breaks, but the Dirty Birds got a poopload of them last night. The Celtics had an entire lineup of dudes sitting this one out -- Rajon Rondo (sprained ankle), Shaq (sore right calf), Jermaine O'Neal (sore left knee), Delonte West (right wrist surgery) -- plus Von Wafer left the game after only two minutes of PT due to a sore back.

Not only that, the Celtics were coming off a last-second win against the Knicks in New York the night before. Injured, using a lineup filled with old guys, and starting Turkish Semih Erden who finished with zero rebounds in 24 minutes. Doc Rivers had to dust off Avery Bradley and Luke Harangody for some first half action. Luke Harangody.

Uhm, that's now how you do it, Luke.
Hell, the Hawks even had a 24-11 advantage in free throw attempts. In Boston.

No matter. The Celts ran away with it in the fourth and won 102-90. It was their 12th straight win. And looking at their next two games -- at home against the Pacers and Sixers -- that streak could make it to 14. And by the way, if you're wondering why Doc Rivers is resting Shaq, look no further than Boston's Christmas day matchup with the Magic in Orlando. I have a feeling The Big Gimpy will play in that one.

Celtics fans: Celebrate!


Atlanta -- who, in all fairness, had to play without Joe Johnson and Jamal Crawford -- couldn't hold onto the ball (18 turnovers) or stop the Celtics from scoring. Boston shot 53 percent as a team. Kevin Garnett continued to proove he ain't dead yet by finishing with 17 points (8-for-10) and 14 rebounds. Not bad on the second night of back-to-backs. Paul Pierce dished out 10 assists in his temporary role as point forward. Ray Allen went 7-for-13 for his 18 points. Big Baby had a double-double (18 points and 10 boards). Even little Nate Robinson chipped in with 14 points. On 15 shots. But still.

Said Josh Smith: "I'm not making excuses, but we still had two of our main scorers out also."

Smith -- who kinda-sorta becomes option numero uno with Johnson and Crawford out -- finished with one point on 0-for-8 shooting. Those numbers are a bit off his season averages of 16 points on 48 percent shooting. Speaking of which...

Josh Smith, worst player of the night: See above.

Kevin Garnett, quote machine: "What are you going to do? Quit? Put your clothes on and go home? That's not what we do here."

The Denver Nuggets: Talk about a rough ending for Denver.


I have a feeling the Nuggets were seeing Manu Ginobili in their dreams last night. And in those dreams, he'll still be moving.

Said Carmelo Anthony: "No, obviously what I think and what they called are two different things. I thought I made a great play. I took advantage of how Richard (Jefferson) was guarding, attacked. I don't think I could've got a better look at it than that. It's tough, you know, just going out there playing as hard as we played out there and to lose the game on something like that.”

More angst from the AP recap:

Nuggets coach George Karl was crestfallen over the call.

"It's a play that I think goes either way a lot," Karl said. "It seemed like the referees, they like to hit us with tough calls. It was a tough call. Good play. Good basketball. Melo made a great play. It's close. I've seen it called both ways."

But at the buzzer?

Told that TV analyst Scott Hastings said he hadn't seen that in his nearly three decades watching NBA basketball, Karl said, "I'd probably agree with Scott."

Karl wasn't done there, though. From NBA FanHouse:

"Refereeing is hard to understand sometimes," said Karl, who at least said his injury-riddled team could get big man Kenyon Martin back next week from offseason knee surgery and should have big man Chris Andersen return from a back injury. "There are so many things that, it's just strange. Some of the things, it's just strange sometimes. Nene I think is the probably No. 1 guy in this league (that doesn't get respect from the officials, in Karl's view). He got three touch fouls at the beginning of the third quarter. He had three fouls called on him. One that took away a dunk."

The three fouls all were called between the 10:19 and the 9:56 mark of the third quarter.

"If we show them on film, they don't exist," Karl said. "We have films that we send into the league office that (fouls) don't exist. And here's a guy that's close to an All-Star, and he just doesn't get a lot of respect. I think it affects you. We tell them to fight through it, forget it, refereeing will come back and all that stuff. It just sometimes seems that we don't get the whistles sometimes I think we earn by how hard we're playing and how well we're playing."

Look, I understand Karl's frustration. First, NBA superstars usually get the benefit of close calls. Second, officials typically "let the players decide things" at the end of games. So the outcome flies in the face of conventional wisdom.

Haywoode Workman was the official who made the call. Woody is a former NBA player -- a former Pacer thank you very much -- and he was a tough customer back in the day. And as much as I hate to say it, as much as I have (historically speaking) hated Ginobili's flopping ways, I think Workman got it right. Yeah, Manu was still moving a teeny, tiny bit, but he was about as set as most guys are when they take a charge. It was certainly a close call. But probably the right one.

Kenny And Charles: Basketbawful reader JR e-mailed me the following passionate rant:

After Spurs-Nuggets last night, Kenny Smith and Charles Barkley went completely off the reservation. Manu Ginobili's latest heroics prompted Barkley to question whether Manu is "the best foreign player ever." Kenny then argued that either Dirk Nowitzki or the late Drazen Petrovic should be ranked above Manu.

Before the two really got started, it took Ernie Johnson to bring up the name Hakeem Olajuwon. And Charles and Kenny completely ignored it and went on debating whether Drazen Petrovic was better than Manu. Two former teammates of the Dream. Kenny Smith has two freaking championship rings BECAUSE OF OLAJUWON and they don't even acknowledge him in their little debate. Ernie might as well have nominated Frederic Weis.

As Charles Barkley himself would have said, Hakeem must be rolling over in his grave.

Brandon Roy: ESPN's Chris Broussard provided the full scoop on Roy's feelings about his too-slow backcourt mate Andre Miller:

It's no secret that playing alongside Andre Miller frustrates Brandon Roy. Miller keeps Roy from handling the ball as much as he wants and doesn’t spread the floor enough for Roy’s liking.

After Monday's loss to Memphis, Roy all but blamed his struggles this season on Miller, saying "I wasn't that slow until you put a guy who is kind of slow next to me. I've always been kind of slow. Not to be controversial at all, but I was slow my rookie year, and now it's ..."

Roy, who's lacked the explosiveness we've seen from him in the past, apologized for his comments two days later, but his frustration remains -- and Wednesday's four-point performance in another L at Dallas certainly didn’t improve his mindset.

But is Roy frustrated enough to leave Portland?

Depends on who you ask.

One plugged-in person with knowledge of Portland's inner workings told me Roy spoke with Blazers management less than two weeks ago about the need for Miller and him to part ways. While Roy did not issue a trade demand or request, I’m told he said something to this effect:

This is not going to work, so you should trade one of us. Whether it's him or whether it's me, somebody needs to be traded because this is not going to work.

And Chris Broussard also points out that Roy is in the first-year of a five-year, $82.3 million contract extension...and sources say his knees are not insured.

Shit.

Now, Portland general manager Rich Cho and Roy's agent Bob Myers both denied that Roy demanded some kind of move. But they were going to do that no matter what. Regardless, the Frail Blazers are stuck in an ugly situation. Greg Oden has played a total of 82 games since he was drafted back in 2007. They're stuck with Roy's bum knees and increasingly surly attitude.

Chris's Lacktion Report:

Generals-Nyets: Alonzo Gee gathered one foul in 4:49 for a +1 suck differential, while fellow Washingtonian Hamady N'Diaye countered a free throw in 2:49 with two fouls and a giveaway for a 3:1 Voskuhl.

Hawks-Celtics: Jason Collins earned a board and steal in 14:50 as Atlanta's starting center, but fouled twice for a 2:1 Voskuhl.

Meanwhile, Von Wafer has become a regular parade piece for a post-game party, fouling once in 2:06 for a +1.

Spurs-Nuggets: Ime Udoka collected fire flowers and gold coins in just 6 seconds to give Gregg Popovich a link to the 8-bit world with a Super Mario!

Worst of the Night: November 23, 2010

Dunked the hell on by Josh McRoberts.
"This has to be the low point of his (or anyone's) NBA career"
(via AK Dave)
[Note: Dan B. here reporting for early morning duty. Basketbawful himself started this post, but since his Internet connection is unavailable at the moment, I'm finishing it up for him. We are combining for a better team effort than the Cavaliers managed last night at least.]

The Cleveland Cavaliers: After beating down LeBron's new team on Monday night, the Pacers decided to do things right by pimp-slapping LeBron's old team on Tuesday. Just for good measure. Don't let the 100-89 final score fool you: Indy led by as many as 34 points in this one.

Cleveland's starters scored only 32 points. Joey Graham (11 points) was the only one who reached double figures. And even then, Graham had the best plus-minus of all Cleveland starters at -21.

Byron Scott, coach of the year candidate: "This isn't even close to rock bottom. It's a good test for us. This team and this franchise have not had to play through adversity in the last seven years. The Pacers are a pretty good team and we played that bad."

The Atlanta Hawks: They've joined the Miami Heat in the "We've gone from only beating bad teams to getting beaten by bad teams" club. That's right: The Dirty Birds lost to the Nyets. All I can say is...

...BROOK LOPEZ SMASH!!

Big Brooklies had a season-high 32 points, Devin Harris added 27, and the Hawks didn't have the firepower to match up. With the Nyets.

Said Avery Johnson: "TWO GUYS THAT WE RELY ON HEAVILY CAME THROUGH. NOW WHAT I'M SHOWING THEM IS IF THEY CAN CONSISTENTLY HAVE THAT AGGRESSION AND THAT ATTACKING ATTITUDE, IT MAKES US A BETTER BALL CLUB. THEY DON'T HAVE MANY NIGHTS WITH THIS TEAM WHERE THEY CAN TAKE OFF."

Joe Johnson: 6-for-18. The $119 million slump continues.

Game Recap, unintentionally dirty quote machine: Via Basketbawful reader Allison, "Word choice fail from Nets-Hawks recap on Yahoo: 'The erection of steel started at the Barclays Center at Atlantic Yards in Brooklyn on Tuesday.' There's *got* to be a better way to put that..."

The Philadelphia 76ers: From 15-point fourth quarter lead to an overtime loss to the Wizards Generals. Make it 3-11 on the year...1-7 on the road.

The Goat of the night? It was...

Jrue Holiday: He went running at John Wall with 3.5 seconds left in regulation, committing one of the dumbest fouls of the season. Wall was at least 40 feet from the rim...but he flipped up a shot and was awarded three freebies. Johnny Storm hit all three, forcing overtime, and, well, you know what happened.

Said Holiday: "I didn't think he was shooting the 3. I honestly thought he was going to the basket. I really wasn't trying to foul him. I just got my arm in there and he went up. It was a foul."

No. It was a FAIL.

Doug Collins, coach of the year candidate: "All we had to do was just finish out the game, and we just made critical mistakes again. That's just crushing us. That's been the story of our whole first 14 games of the season. You've got to be careful because when a guy is running at you with the ball like that, you've got to know when he sees you coming that he's going to pick up and launch it."

The Chicago Bulls: Despite facing off against the league's premier frontcourt, the Bulls held their own. In fact, they shut down Pau Gasol (3-for-10), who was owned by Joakim Noah (19 points, 13 boards, 4 steals, 3 blocked shots). Chicago outrebounded L.A. and outscored them in the paint.

Unfortunately, the Lakers bench -- "the Killer Bees" as Kevin McHale is calling them -- outscored Chicago's reserves 39-10. Shannon Brown, whom I wanted the Bulls to pursue last summer, lit up his hometown team for 21 points on 7-for-14 shooting and drilled more treys (5-for-10) than the entire Bulls team (4-for-20). Brown, Steve Blake and Matt Barnes combined for four three-pointers in L.A.'s decisive 17-2 fourth quarter run.

Hands. Faces. Somebody. Please.

Bobcats-Knicks: No defense. Lots of turnovers (39 for 58 points off turnovers). Two awful teams. But hey, at least a lot of points were scored.

Pistons-Mavericks: Yes, technically the Mavs won this game 88-84. However, when the pace is that molasses-in-January-in-Siberia slow, nobody wins. Dirk Nowitzki put up some big numbers (42 points, 12 rebounds), but was apparently the only player to set his alarm clock and wake up for this game. Caron Butler was the only other Mavs starter to score double-digits, and the team as a whole only shot 38% from the field.

On the other side of the court, Detroit managed to put together a combined effort of 11 assists and 15 turnovers. Perhaps John Kuester needs to focus more on fundamentals at their next practice, such as "pass the ball to the guys wearing the same color jersey as you." Also, the tone was set early in the game, as recapped by LotharBot in the BAD comments: "Over the first 4:27 of the Pistons-Mavs game, the Pistons starters have combined to shoot 0-5, with 1 rebound and 2 turnovers, and are trailing 11-0."

Rick Carlisle, quote machine: "It was a slower-paced game, a playoff-style game." Except, you know, for the Pissed-Ons being involved.

Sasha Vujacic, nickname machine: Via Wild Yams, "This is awesome. Of course, what isn't awesome when it's making fun of Sasha Vujacic?"



The Miami Heat: Again via Wild Yams, we finally have an explanation for why the Heat are not a good basketball team. No, it's not because they don't have anything resembling a point guard, or because their paint is protected by two men with a combined age of 847.



Chris's Lacktion Report: Chris may be in New York for a few days, but at least he's smart enough to avoid going to a Bricks game. The stink of Purple Pauper basketball is already all over him. He'd never make it out alive if he tried to watch a Bobcats-Bricks game in person. However, that does leave him time to compile the lacktion details:

Hawks-Nyets: Maurice Evans tossed one brick from Newark Penn Station and fouled twice in 7:39 for a +3 suck differential, while for New Jersey, Stephen Graham missed one shot in 4:07 and added a foul for a +2.

Sixers-Generals: Alonzo Gee celebrated his new start with Washington by a 4-second defeat of King Koopa for a Super Mario!

Bobcats-Knicks: Nazr Mohammed, Michael Jordan's starting big man of choice, had a statline so stunning (and described as "epic" here) it has to be repeated near verbatim: 4:27 on the floor, FOUR bricks, two rejections, two fouls, for a PLUS EIGHT SUCK DIFFERENTIAL. Amazingly, this only ended up being a 2:0 Voskuhl - but this made him officially Lacktator #100 on the young Association season!!!!

Pistons-Mavs: Ian Mahinmi had himself a piece of masonry in 3:06 for a +1

Bawful After Dark: November 16, 2010

Oh, Vinsanity. What would we do without you?
I just saw SI's Jimmy Traina post this on Twitter: "Via TMZ, Eva Longoria and Tony Parker are divorcing. Parker filed yesterday." I would provide details, but the less I visit TMZ, the happier I am with myself as a human being, so tough luck. Therefore, I can only speculate that he felt he needed to step up his game to match fellow point guard Steve Nash who is also getting divorced.

Update! Holy hell, I just saw this on Deadspin and had to share...

DO NOT WANT
Worst of the Night in Pictures:

And yet this is still only 1/18th as bad as the Devin Harris foul

The point carried over from yesterday's post? Jordan can dress however the hell he likes

Knee-Mac reacts to the realization that "Oh shit! I'm playing for the Pissed-Ons!"

Hmm... I wonder what lady George Karl is talking about?

The Grizzlies/Magic game summed up in one picture! How convenient

"So you're one of the poor bastards who bought the team..."

I don't really have a joke here -- this picture is just awesome and I wanted to share it

Nationally Televised Games:
Frail Blazers at Grizzlies, NBA TV, 8pm: The more I read about Brandon Roy's arthritic knees, the more depressing it becomes. What did Portland ever do to deserve such horrible luck with injuries? And who's got all the voodoo dolls of Blazers players?

All The Other Games:
76ers at Cavaliers, 7pm: According to the STAT LLC game preview, "[Evan Turner]'s getting much less playing time than [John] Wall because 76ers coach Doug Collins doesn't want to tire him out." I think we found the perfect head coach for LeBron!

Hawks at Pacers, 7pm: Here are some interesting numbers... When the Hawks get a 15 point lead this year, they fall apart like Michael J. Fox's Jenga tower, shooting an abysmal 35.0%, and they let their opponents make nearly 49% of their shots during that stretch.

Craptors at Wizards Generals, 7pm: John Wall sprained his foot last game and is out tonight. Remain calm! All is well!!

Lakers at Bucks, 8pm: Tweet response of the day, courtesy of Ball Don't Lie's Kelly Dwyer: "37 percent of the time. RT @offseasonblog: Video: Brandon Jennings has a beautiful jumper. http://bit.ly/bmOLC0"

Bulls at Rockets, 8:30pm: Well, crap. It's that time again -- circus trip! Seven consecutive road games are lined up for the Bulls while the circus takes over the United Center. The circus trip is a sad time for Bulls fans, considering they have gone 10-61 in those games since Jordan's last season with the team. So, like our own Bawful, I will not get too optimistic about this game.

Bricks at Nuggets, 9pm: It's a good thing this game is in Denver and not NYC. Crazed New York fans might try to kidnap Carmelo since the Nuggets won't trade him to the Bricks.

Worst of the Night: November 10, 2010

Don't forget about...the...Hawks...oh, never mind.
The Orlando Magic: Memo to the rest of the NBA: If you pull ahead of the Utah Jazz by 18 or more points...they have you exactly where they want you.

Down 18 points to the Clippers on Saturday: They won.

Down 22 points to the Heat in Miami on Tuesday: They won.

Down 18 points to the Magic in Orlando on Wednesday: They won.

What's the deal? Ancient Chinese secret?

Said Paul Milsap: "I guess, getting behind. I guess that's what it takes to show all our talents."

The Jazz got behind while the Magic were getting it from behind. Utah put on a 24-2 run between the third and fourth quarters and then outscored Orlando 39-20 in the fourth to win 104-94, completing a staggering 28-point turnaround. On the road. Against a supposed contender. On the second night of back-to-backs. After beating the Super Friends of South Beach.

Said Stan Van Gundy: "Ridiculous professional basketball."

By ridiculous, SVG must be referring to the 25 points his team gave up off 21 turnovers (including 6 TOs for Dwight Howard). Or maybe it was the 11 missed free throws (including 8 by Pumaman). Or maybe it was the defense, which, well, yeah.

Balls.
Bonus bawful from reader William W.:

Watching Jazz vs Magic out of the corner of my eye, with ~3:50 left in the fourth quarter Rashard Lewis drove to the basket and then kicked out to the corner for a three... but the pass bounced off the legs of one of his teammates on the bench who was half standing up. Best part, the intended recipient (Redick I think) was wearing a towel. Cut to Stan Van Gundy mouthing "you've got to be f***ing kidding me". When the Magic were next on the offensive end Redick had a warm-up jacket on.

Great success!

Jerry Sloan, quote machine: "Improbable? We're supposed to be able to play. It wasn't probably, it was just a matter of trying to come and play and worry about what happened later."

Also, regarding whether Miami-Orlando was the toughest back-to-back road combination the Jazz could have faced:

"You mean because of the weather? It's a 20-minute flight. It's not so bad."

Have I mentioned I have a man crush on this crotchety old bastard?

Carlos Boozer: From Basketbawful reader Stockton:

Utah's Paul Millsap is one of three players in the league averaging at least 20 points and 10 rebounds per game. Millsap is posting a team-high 24 points and 10.9 boards per outing, joining Howard and the Lakers’ Pau Gasol in the esteemed category.

As for Boozer, he leads the league in injuries caused by bags.

The Atlanta Hawks: Okay. Where are all those "Don't forget about the Hawks!" articles and blog posts now?

There's no sugarcoating this one: The Bucks flat out pummeled the Dirty Birds. Milwaukee won the second quarter 33-14. The Bucks' reserves outscored Atlanta's bench 35-6...in the first half. Milwaukee led by as many as 30 points and the Hawks had to outscore them 32-20 in the fourth quarter to make the final score (108-91) simply "humiliating and pathetic" instead of "totally retarded."

By the way: The game was in Atlanta.

Said Al Horford: "It's hard to explain. I don't understand what happened."

Added Josh Smith: "When adversity hit us in the face, we went our separate ways."

And Hawks coach Larry Drew said: "When it gets a little tough, we have a tendency to hold our heads down. I don't want to see our guys hang their heads."

Uh oh. Is somebody going to warn him or should I?

Joe Johnson: The line: 13 points, 5-for-13, 0-for-3 from downtown, 2 rebounds, 3 assists. The contract: Six year, $119 million.

The Houston Rockets: TWO MEN ENTER. ONE MAN LEAVES.

The Rockets and Wizards Generals had their own Short Bus version of the Thunderdome last night. Houston was 1-5 and Washington was 1-4. Somebody was coming out of this with two wins...and somebody wasn't.

The Rockets were the wasn'ts.

John Wall went into Rookie God Mode (19 points, 13 assists, 10 rebounds, 6 steals) and poor Yao Ming -- SHOCK ALERT! -- got injured (strained tendon) six minutes and 14 seconds into the game. The Rockets shot 39 percent, gave up 25 fast break points and further tarnished the money ball genius of Daryl Morey.

Said Rick Adelman: "I was disappointed again. Every game we've had this year -- except for the one we won -- right down to the fourth quarter, we have a chance to win, and we don't get it done."

The Celebration of Chinese Heritage: From Basketbawful reader Myles N.:

Watching the Wizards game? Asian Heritage Night makes for pretty funny commentary.

During a commercial break they did a tiny piece on 'Dray learning more about Yi's "culture" by going to a Chinese restaurant in Chinatown. I'm not sure how familiar you are with "Chinatown" in DC - but it's pretty much two blocks. So this is already a little funny for me. They then cut to show 'Dray and Yi sitting down and eating together, and the narrator drops a choice quote - "This kinda reminds me of Rush Hour!".

High five!

The Toronto Raptors: TWO MEN ENTER. ONE MAN LEAVES.

There was another Thunderdome brewing in Toronto last night as the 1-6 Bobcats took on the 1-6 Craptors for the rights to a 1-7 record.

Well, the Craptors "won" that right.


Toronto actually kept it close by scoring 36 points on the fast break. Of course, they gave up 21 points off 17 turnovers. The most costly turnover came at the end. With the 'Cats holding a three-point lead and only five seconds to go, Stephen Jackson stripped the ball from Andrea Bargnani. And that was Game Over.

Andrea Bargnani: "I lost the ball. There's no more to describe. He tipped it away."


The Cleveland Cavaliers: There were some feel-good vibes going down in Cleveland. And why not? The so-called Unamazing Cavaliers had defied the early-season odds by opening the year 4-3 and leading the Central Division. The Nyets came into the game riding one of the longest November losing streaks in league history.

So naturally, the Cavs -- playing at home -- lost.

What can I say? It was a close game. Mo Williams got hurt (again) and Devin Harris was really good (31 points, 9 assists). The Cavs gave up 15 offensive boards and 35 free throw attempts.

The New York Knicks: Throw in a classic revenge game for David Lee (28 points, 11-for-17, 10 rebounds, 4 steals, 2 assists) and a mind-boggling 74 points in the paint and you have a pretty standard 122-117 homecourt loss for Mike 'Antoni's Bricks.

That's three losses in a row for New York.

Said Amar''''''e Stoudemire: "We just can't get comfortable with losing. That's the mentality that we can't have. So we've got to make sure that we understand how important it is to look at film and look at ourselves in the mirror and try to improve individually, and then ultimately we'll get better as a team. Hopefully we all as players will understand that and move on."

Speaking of STAT...

Amar''''''e Stoudemire: In many ways, Sun Tzu or whatever he calls himself had his best game of the season: 33 points, 9-for-15 from the field, 10 rebounds. But he was also the heart of an interior defense that gave up 74 points.

I'm just sayin'.

The Philadelphia 76ers: The Sixers were without Andre Iguodala (Achilles tendinitis) and Jason Kapono (personal reasons), yet they still managed to play tough on the road against the Oklahoma City Thunder. In fact, Philly was down only 99-96 with 2:35 to play and seemed poised for a key defensive stop considering the Thunder had to inbound the ball with only one second left on the shot clock.

Well, one second and one Thabo Sefolosha lob pass to Russell Westbrook later, the Sixers' wills were pretty much broken. That's been Philly's season. Mental lapses, communication breakdowns, sloppy play. Hey, who's coaching these guys, anyway?

Doug Collins, coach of the year candidate, Part 1: "We've just got to be better in those crucial situations, and let's not take anything away. Durant's the leading scorer in the league and Westbrook is unbelievable, so it's not like we got beat by two guys who aren't great, great players. These guys won gold medals this summer."

Doug Collins, coach of the year candidate, Part 2: "Basketball is a game of mistakes but you have to minimize them under pressure. We had a couple turnovers, loose with the ball, and then those two critical [plays] -- the three-point play and then Scotty Brooks drew up a great play, and we did not communicate."

Lou Williams: Let's see: 6 points on 2-for-11 shooting including 1-for-5 from beyond the arc. Oh, and Philly got outscored by 12 when he was on the floor.

The Memphis Grizzlies: What did Memphis coach Lionel Hollins think about his team's 106-91 home loss to the Mavericks: "Even if you are shooting 20 percent, you can still compete by playing defense, rebounding and make the other team have one less point than you. You can't just quit and not compete."

Aaaaaand...

"It's just one in 82 [games]. You try to win as many as you can. You try not to have a whole lot of these stinkers. That's what this was. A stinker."

For the record, Dallas shot 54 percent, scored 18 fast break points and led by as many as 21 points. Shawn Marion had a "back in my Phoenix days" performance with 20 points on 10-for-15 shooting and Jason Terry hit for 25 on 11-for-16 from the field. Hell, Brian Cardinal even had 5 points.

And, sweet baby Jesus, I know this will end up on the lacktion report but Hasheem Thabeet had a six trillion! I love this game!

Rick Carlisle, quote machine: "This guy is so tough, it is ridiculous."

Carlisle was talking about Dirk Nowitzki. No, really.

Dirk Nowitzki, pain management specialist: "It's usually the initial pain that hurts a little bit."

Initial pain hurts a little. Not always. But usually.

The Los Angeles Clippers: No Eric Gordon (shoulder). No Chris Kaveman (sprained ankle, painful ugliness). No Baron Davis (fat). No Randy Foyes.

Still, The Other L.A. Team kept the game reasonable close despite playing on the road against a good team. They were down only 95-90 with a few minutes to go when the camera panned to Vinny Del Negro calmly drawing up a play during a timeout with seemingly nobody looking on. If that's not Game Over, I don't know what is.

Check out this little snippet from the AP recap:

Injuries have decimated the Clippers, who are off to another horrendous start for the woebegone franchise. They fell to 1-8, so far showing no signs of the playoff potential that first-year coach Vinny Del Negro felt he had.

Vinny Del Negro + the Clippers = No playoffs ever.

Blake Griffin, quote machine, Part 1: "It's not like we're going out there and giving up. It's tough. We've already lost more games than we lost my last year in college, and [Oklahoma] played almost three time the amount of games we've played."

Welcome to the Clippers, Blake.

Blake Griffin, quote machine, Part 2: "We got five guys hurt. It's weird; we came out of the locker to warm up and it was like half our team out there. It's like going into a battle with half your guys."

Again, welcome to the Clippers, Blake.

Blake Griffin: 11 points on 18 shot attempts.

And once again, welcome to the Clippers, Blake.

Richard Jefferson, unintentionally dirty quote machine: "You look at Manu [Ginobili] and Tony [Parker]; they have the balls in their hand the majority of the game."

The Sacramento Kings: The morbidly depressing Timberwolves -- losers of six straight games -- brought their fail wagon to Sacramento to take on the previously 3-1 Purple Paupers. Minny was 0-5 on the road and playing the second night of back-to-back roadies following a tough loss to the Lakers.

This shoulda been a gimmie, right?

Instead, the Sactowners fell victim to a career night by Michael Beasley: 42 points on 17-for-31 shooting (including 7-for-10 from the line) to go with 9 rebounds, 2 assists and a steal. Sebastian Telfair -- yes, Bassy's still alive -- added 16 points on 8-for-14 shooting and Darko Milicic even submitted a near double-double (9 points, 8 boards).

Meanwhile, the Paupers shanked 12 free throws and surrendered 25 points off 19 turnovers. But hey, at least they held the T-Wolves to zero fast break points. So they have that going for them, which is nice.

Tyreke Evans: Wow. Rough night for the Freak: A season-low 5 points on 1-for-5 shooting to go with 9 assists and 5 turnovers. He even airballed a free throw attempt in the third quarter. Oh, and he fouled out with 9:02 left in the fourth.

Said Evans: "I just couldn't get into a rhythm; it was hard to play with foul trouble and coming out of the game. They were playing good defense and making me pass the ball."

Whaaaaa...? A point guard passing the ball?! Unheard of!

Darko Milicic: From Basketbawful reader 49er16:

Watching Darko is something everyone needs to do at least once this year. He's the Mona Lisa of bawful. Just truly terrible to watch.

Example: Darko grabbed an offensive rebound against the Paupers and immediately turned the ball over. The ball wasn't stolen or anything. Darko tried to pass the ball, but he threw it to no one. And I mean, there was none of his teammates near the general vicinity where Darko was passing the ball.

Paul Westphal, coach of the year candidate: "Obviously Michael Beasley was someone we didn't have any success at all guarding tonight. We tried pretty much everything we could try, and he had the answer [for them all]."

Bonus bawful: Joakim Noah vs. Kevin Garnett: From ESPNChicago via Wild Yams:

"Kevin Garnett will not -- will not -- get a Christmas gift from me. I don't like him."

"He's a very mean guy. Where's the love? None at all. Ugly, too."

"I had his poster in my room, I used to wear his jersey. And the truth is my rookie year, I was in admiration of this guy, and he kind of shut me down."

"And he was very mean to me my rookie year. And he's only mean to the young guys and the [European players], for some reason. I don't know why, but that's who he doesn't like. He's not nice. I talk a lot of trash out there, but c'mon, be a little sensitive. Be sweet."

Yeah. It's always a good idea to give the Celtics bulletin board material.

Chris's Lacktion Report:

Bucks-Hawks: Jarron Collins avoided pure lacktivity in 10:21 with an assist, but fouled and lost the rock three times each for a 6:0 Voskuhl.

Jazz-Magic: For the bebop cowboys, Francisco Elson treated them to a ledger appearance by countering a board in 5:11 with two fouls for a 2:1 Voskuhl. Meanwhile, fellow improviser Gordon Hayward bricked and fouled once in 4:10 for a +2 suck differential.

Bobcats-Raptors: DeSagana Diop dropped into Voskuhl territory again by negating one block in 3:58 with a foul, earning a 1:0 Madsen-level ratio.

Rockets-Generals: Hilton Armstrong asked room service to unmake his two boards in 9:29, and two fouls with one giveaway certainly undid a mildly productive night with a 3:2 Voskuhl.

Nets-Cavs: Quinton Ross's +3 in 4:50 via two bricks and a foul actually worked out for a celebratory cause, along with Joe Smith's 4.35 trillion and Damion James's 36 second Mario.

Warriors-Knicks: Timofey Mozgov moseyed into the ledger by countering a 100% free throw percentage (on two shots) in 1:59 with 3 fouls for a 3:2 Voskuhl.

Mavs-Grizzlies: For Mark Cuban's collective, Ian Mahinmi had himself a +1 via foul in 3:52, also earning a 1:0 Voskuhl. Speaking of riches, former #2 overall pick Hahseem Thabeet found a gold mine worth 5.85 trillion (5:52)!

Sixers-Thunder: Cole Aldrich came into tonight's game ready to play some defense, and he did do so with two boards in 9:04. He lalso however fouled four times and lost the rock thricely for a 7:4 Voskuhl!

Clippers-Spurs: Chris Quinn continues to be the lacktive good luck charm for Gregg Popivch - with San Antonio not only 3-0 in his appearances, but richer tonight with a 1.2 trillion (1:11)!

Worst of the Night: November 9, 2010

You ready to back off your bold prediction yet, MJ?
The Charlotte Bobcats: Let's open this baby up with a quote from Bobcats majority owner and NBA legend Michael Jordan:

And while the Bobcats' cap issues gave them no chance at the LeBron James-led free-agent class this summer, he insists the Bobcats, led by Gerald Wallace and Stephen Jackson, are better than last season's 44-38 team that was swept by Orlando in the first round.

"I think we're going to be a better off team than we were last year," Jordan said. "We're together, we're coming off some success from last year. Granted, Raymond's not here. But when you think about, Tyson came off the bench.

"At the minimum, we should make the playoffs."

I bet MJ would like to take a mulligan on that one right about now.

Good news for the Bobcats: They didn't wait until they were down 15-20 points before starting to play last night! The bad news: It didn't matter. They lost anyway...falling to 1-6 on the season.
The 'Cats shot like they were playing with KFC buckets on their heads -- 39 percent as a team -- with a very special (in the short bus way) thanks to Stephen Jackson (4-for-13), D.J. Augustin (3-for-15, 1-for-7 on threes) and Gerald Wallace (2-for-11).

Still, the real stake in Charlotte's shriveling heart was the failure to put any hands in the general viscinity of rookie Gary Neal's face. Neal went gonzo from beyond the arc, drilling 5 treys.

That said, the Bobcats had their chances. They were down 93-91 with 26.8 seconds left but chose defense over the intentional foul. Unfortunately, they let Manu Ginobili swoop in for a game-breaking layup with 4.9 seconds to go.

Said Bat-Manu: "The goal was to eat all the clock possible, but at the same time you don't want to take a really bad shot. It was a miscommunication between Boris [Diaw] and [Tyrus] Thomas and one left. I had a pretty good look."

As someone who has followed the careers of both Diaw and Thomas, all I can do is nod emphatically at the "miscommunication" part.

Anyway, said Charlotte coach Larry Brown: "D.J., Jack and Gerald going 9 of 39, I don't care who you're playing and you're going to have a tough time. To be in the game with us shooting it that way and turning it over again, like we do, it's a miracle we had a chance."

Chalk one up in the "Near Miracle Victory" column, Larry.

Stephen Jackson, turnover machine: S-Jax had 6 of Charlotte's 14 turnovers. But "shame" -- like most other words -- is not in his vocabulary: "Some nights I may have six turnovers, some nights I may have none." Wow. He's like a fortune cookie. Scatch that. A misfortune cookie.

The Atlanta Hawks: I hope the Dirty Birds enjoyed that 6-0 start and all those "Don't forget about the Hawks!" stories that were so popular for a week or so. You'd think people would have wised up to Atlanta's act by now. They usually pound lousy teams during soft stretches, maybe win a close game or two against a legit opponents. But in the final analysis, they are -- at best -- a second tier team.

To wit: After opening the season with six straight wins over "meh" teams, they've now lost two in a row against decent ones. Go figure.

I'll give the Hawks this much, though. They made the Magic work for it. Atlanta held Orlando to 43 percent shooting -- including 4-for-22 on threes -- and won the rebounding battle 48-43. But the Magic go a big night out of Pumaman (27 points, 11 rebounds) and...Vince Carter? Yes, Vince Carter, who finished with 19 points on 8-for-12 shooting and scored 5 crucial points in the final 1:12.

That's right: The Hawks were out-clutched by Vince Carter.

And you know how Vag, er, Vince did it? Two layups, the second of which was an "And 1!" after which he actually roared and flexed to the crowd, Hulk Hogan style.

Said Carter: "It never gets old. Believe me."

Yeah. Unless you're the Hawks.

Hawks coach Larry Drew, quote machine: "As I told our guys, 'Let's not look at this loss as a moral victory.' We've always felt in our hearts all along that we were capable of playing against any team."

Playing against any team? Yes. Winning against any team? Eh, not so much.

Bonus stat: The Hawks gave up 22 points off 17 turnovers...and lost by 4. Just sayin'.

The Toronto Raptors: How does a team like the Golden State Warriors win on the road despite giving up 22 fast break points and a whopping 32 points off 21 turnovers?

By playing the Craptors, of course. Now 1-6!

Stephen Curry, playing on a semi-bum ankle, scored a season-high 34 points on 12-for-21 shooting (including 2-for-4 on threes and 8-for-8 at the line). Moped Ellis added 28 points on 10-for-17 shooting before a bad fall waylaid him in the fourth quarter. The Warriors -- now 5-2! -- also got a double-double out of David Lee (14 points, 12 rebounds) in addition to shooting 52 percnt as a team and winning the rebounding battle 42-32.

Credit the Dinos for coming back from 20 points down to make a game of this one. But that's like sticking your genitals in a grizzly's mouth and then hoping to yank them out before they become bear kibble.

Said Linas Kleiza: "We just make the game hard on ourselves."

Actually, you can probably blame the front office for that, Linas. I'm pretty sure they're the ones responsible for sending you to war with a starting lineup of you, Reggie Evans, Andrea Bargnani, Jarrett Jack and DeMar DeRozan. Admittedly, that group would make a terrific second unit on a real basketball team.

"Do you guys need a new mascot?Please tell me you need a mascot."
The Boston Celtics: Back-to-back road games in Oklahoma City and Dallas would be a tall order for any team. Still, the Celtics handed the Thunder a choice cut of ass on Monday night and looked ready to dispatch the Mavs last night after Paul Pierce knocked down a 17-footer to give Boston an 87-82 lead with 1:58 left.

BUT...the C's went scoreless over the final two-ish minutes while the Mavs netted seven points off a layup by Dirk Nowitzki, a triple by Jason Terry and what turned out to be the game-winning 16-footer by Nowitzki with 17.4 ticks on the clock.

Know who Dirk was shooting over? Big Baby. Who's, what, half a foot shorter?

Said Nowitzki: "I knew Kidd was going to find me and then Davis was there. I was able to face him up and knock the shot down."

Oh, but it gets better. Boston's final possession consisted of a three-pointer by Rajon Rondo with 3.8 seconds left and then (after a Terry foul) a desperation triple attempt by Kevin Garnett as time expired.

Really, Celtics? Threes by Rondo and Garnett? Those're the best shots you could get?

Doc Rivers -- who called that sequence "a terrible play" -- said: "I hope I can draw up a better play than that."

Ya think?

Jermaine O'Neal: We call him "The Drain" for a reason. O'Neal played only 11 minutes -- including zero in the second half -- because of a sore left knee that left him with "no explosion." Oh, and Jermaine benched himself for the final two quarters, figuring the Celtics would be better off with him on the bench.

Which might be the case. But if you're wondering by Big Baby was defending Dirk on the game-winner, this is why. Boy, it sure is a good thing the Celtics went out and got two injury-prone O'Neals last summer. Eight games into the season and they're both out already.

Dirk Nowitzki's new haircut: Well, Dirk cut his flowing locks. Now he's gone from looking like a WNBA player to looking like...Sloth from The Goonies?! That's what Dan Marino -- not the football player, but a Basketbawful fan from Belgium -- thinks.

"Sloth love Chunk!"
The Phoenix Suns: Their two oldest players -- Steve Nash (16 points, 6-for-11, 11 assists) and Grant Hill (19 points, 12 rebounds -- were their best players. Robin Lopez went 1-for-4 and pulled down only 2 rebounds in 14 minutes. Hedo Turkoglu is starting. Channing Frye -- who got a $30 million contract from the Suns this summer -- went 1-for-7 off the bench.

Anybody else see any problems here?

And how about this: Zach Randolph returned from the dead to scored 23 points and gobble up 20 rebounds...including an absurd 8 offensive boards.

Oh, and then there were the turnovers: 23 of 'em, for 31 points going the other way. Hill and Nash combined for 9 TOs.

It's amazing the Suns didn't lose by 20.

Said Phoenix coach Alvin Gentry: "That's [23] chances we don't get to shoot the basketball. If we are managing our turnovers, and we've got 10 or 12 turnovers, that's 10 more possessions that we can shoot it at the basket. Make five of them, and it's a different story. We've just got to do a better job in that department."

The Denver Nuggets: The Nuggets wasted some good defense (holdin the Bulls to 41 percent shooting) and a season-best 32-point from Carmelo Anthony by giving the Bulls 24 bonus points off 18 turnovers. They also kept shooting directly into their defenders hands, as Chicago had 12 blocked shots, including 9 combined from Taj Gibson (5) and Joakim Noah (4).

Also, anybody else notice the Nuggets are starting Shelden Williams? Eek.

As an aside, Gibson's sweet game -- 16 points (7-for-12), 6 boards, 5 blocks, 3 assists and a steal -- reminded me of some of the crap I got after dubbing him a potential All-Star in my Central Division preview. In fact, here's what AnacondaHL had to say:

Haha, I just noticed something from this post (emphasis mine):

"a couple of possible future All-Stars (Joakim Noah and Taj Gibson),"

Wait, what? Since when is someone projected to be the next Dan Gadzuric a possible future All-Star?

Well, check it, peeps: Six games into his second season, Taj is averaging 15.2 PPG, 6.2 RPG, 1.7 APG and 1.7 BPG while shooting a redonkulous 63 percent from the field. That puts him at 4th in the league in FGP. His Offensive Rating is 115 and his Player Efficiency Rating is 19.1, which, according to John Hollinger's reference guide, is pretty close to borderline All-Star territory.

As always, I'm just sayin'.

(Of course, when Boozer returns from his broken hand, Gibson will head back to the bench, his numbers will fall, and blah blah blah.)

You know what? Don't ask. Just...don't ask.
Erik Spoelstra, quote machine: This is a belated entry submitted by Basketbawful reader clair. Regarding their game against the Nyets, Spoelstra said: "[Saturday] was about a nameless, faceless opponent. We needed to really come back and establish our toughness, our disposition defensively and the guys really took that to heart and I was glad that they were having fun out there."

As clair put it: "Nameless AND faceless. Ouch!"

Chris's brief lacktion report: Alonzo Gee grabbed a Legend of Zelda cartridge in just 3 seconds for a Super Mario! For Charlotte, Sherron Collins heaved a brick from Tryon Street in 3:33 for a +1 suck differential.

2010-11 NBA Season Preview: Southeast Division

For some reason, this pic makes me think about Dr. Loomis' speech about evil...
The Atlanta Hawks

Holy crappity crap, the Hawks are screwed. Seriously, they are so screwed.

Think about it. The Hawks were a middle of the road defensive team (14th in Defensive Efficiency at 104.0) that somehow managed to be one of the Association's better offensive squads (3rd in Offensive Efficiency at 108.9) despite the fact that most of their sets revolved around isolating Joe Johnson or getting Jamal Crawford open for a jump shot. It helped that the rest of the Hawks selflessly crashed the boards and the team as a whole managed to avoid turning the ball over. Oh, and Atlanta didn't suffer any major injuries.

With all the aforementioned serendipity, the Dirty Birds managed 53 wins, which, in the Leastern Conference, was good enough for the third seed. But in the playoffs, they barely avoided first round elimination against the Bucks before getting absolutely obliterated by the Magic. Allow me to share the scores from that four-game sweep: 114-74, 112-98, 105-75, 98-84. Swept by an average of 24.5 PPG.

Ouchies.

Even at their absolute best with nobody getting hurt and everything going right, the 2009-10 Hawks were nowhere near good enough to compete for a title. Or even a respectable series against a contender.

So what's different about the 2010-11 Hawks? Uhm, they fired coach Mike Woodson and hired Larry Drew to be their new head coach; they signed Joe Johnson to a six-year, $123.7 million deal, otherwise known as "The absolute worst contract handed out during the summer in which Darko 'Manna from Heaven' Milicic got $20 million"; drafted a couple bums; signed Josh Powell to a one-year deal at the vet's minimum; traded Josh Childress to the Suns for a second-round pick; signed Etan Thomas to a one-year deal at the vet's minimum.

In essence, the Hawks didn't get any better while at the same time destroying all future cap flexibility by giving Johnson what will probably be remembered as the most horrific contract of this decade. There's no way the Hawks will win 50 games again -- let's face it, Crawford won't have another career year, Johnson is only going to get worse and the rest of the team just isn't that good -- but they'll probably win 40-45, make the playoffs, and get sent home early and cruelly. Just like last season.


Sorry, Hawks fans.

The Charlotte Bobcats

Over the past several days, there's been a lot of chatter on the Interwebs about whether Michael Jordan could score 100 points in today's game. But here's a better, more relavant question:

Can Jordan's team, the Charlotte Bobcats, score 100 points in today's game?

Last season, the 'Cats ranked 28th in PPG (95.3), 26th in Pace Factor (90.4 possessions per 48 minutes) and 24th in Offensive Efficiency (101.5). Of course, they ranked first in Opponent's PPG (93.8) and Defensive Efficiency (100.2), which just goes to show you that this is a typical Larry Brown team: Slow it down, grind it out, churn out regular season wins, make the playoffs, get eliminated early.

And that's pretty much what happened last season. Brown coaxed 44 wins out of squad with more gaping holes than Anal Bimbos 27: Buttier Than Ever. Against all reason, Larry goaded his team to the franchise's first ever playoff appearance...during which they were mashed to an oozing pulp by the Orlando Magic. Still, it was yet another example of how Brown squeezes every last drop of talent out of his team. Before he quits on them and moves onto the next team, that is.

Still, the Bobcats are a deeply flawed bunch. And in case you're wondering how those flaws were "addressed," I'm about to tell you. Jordan let Raymond Felton walk; pulled Shaun Livingston out of his NBA grave; signed Tirade Thomas to a five-year, $40 million mistake; flipped Tyson Chandler and Alexis Ajinca for Matt Carroll, Eduardo Najera and Erick Dampier's dumpable deal (this wasn't even a salary saver, btw, as the 'Cats merely broke even on the deal, essentially giving Chandler away for nada); signed Dominic McGuire (defense yes, offense no); and signed Kwame Brown, leading to to several days worth of "What the f*** is up with MJ and Kwame Brown?!"

So basically, Charlotte didn't improve at all. Hell, they might have gotten a little worse.

Look, I understand the whole "Defense Wins Championships" concept, and to a large extent, I agree. That said, NBA teams are still expected to score more points than their opponents. Can you see this squad doing that against the top tier teams? Or even the middle tier teams on a consistent basis. Brown can probably cattle prod another 35-40 wins out of this group of castoffs, assuming 1) he maintains his intensity and committment to the team and 2) the players keep drinking his Kool-Aid.

Still, I don't know how the 'Cats are going to get by without a real, honest-to-goodness point guard. Last season, Felton did a decent enough job masquerading as a PG in order to earn a contract. But Livingston of the Living Dead is not an answer to anything other than "What is one of the saddest stories in NBA history?"

The Miami Heat

I'm not going to go on and on about this team. I mean, we're all a little sick of hearing and reading about them already, right?

Here's as brief a summary as I can manage: They're going to be awesome. For the most part, Pat Riley surrounded the Nazgul with enough talent to contend despite cap limitations (something many people thought he couldn't do). Miami is strong on the perimeter but f***ed at center. They won't win 70 games this season, but they're a lock for 60+ wins and a deep playoff run. Not sure they're going to get by Boston or Orlando (or the Lakes if they make it to the Finals) this season, but the Heat are going to win a title some time in the next few years. Just accept that and move on.

The Orlando Magic

The Magic are one of those trick-or-treat "contenders." They're really, really good -- last season they ranked 2nd in both Offensive Efficiency (109.5) and Defensive Efficiency (102.2) -- and yet not quite good enough, you know? I mean, look at their three best players. Unless Hakeem Olajuwon worked some serious voodoo this summer, Dwight Howard's offensive game still isn't polished enough to prevent him from getting shut down by big, talented frontcourts (such as the ones he'll face in Boston and L.A.). Vince Carter is a superstar against lesser teams who's guaranteed to disappear or quit in the playoffs. Ditto for Rashard Lewis, only with 20% more disappearing.

Who's going to step up and lead this team when it really counts? J.J. Redick?

Look, Quentin Richardson gives them more three-point shooting and Chris Duhon will be decent as a backup point guard, but the team lost toughness when Matt Barnes walked and their best three players don't have the skills or mental fortitude necessary to beat out the Celtics, Heat (maybe) or Lakers. And frankly, I only see Carter and Lewis declining, while I'm not sure Howard hasn't maxed out as a basketball player (again, unless The Dream has actually physically possessed him).

Orlando is going to win 55-60 games and flame out in the playoffs. Again. Years from now, we're going to look back on their five-game loss to the Lakers in the NBA Finals and realize that was this team's apex.

The Washington Wizards

Washington messed up, okay? The Wizards settled on a core of Gilbert Arenas, Antawn Jamison and Caron Butler. They gave those guys big contracts and tried to build around them. And that was a real boner.

Still, the Wiz have been trying to fix the problem. Jamison and Butler are now in different zip codes, and Arenas will be gone about 0.1 seconds after some idiot team agrees to take on his cap-gobbling contract. Which, unfortunately for Washington fans, will probably be never.

Oh well. Two out of three ain't bad.

On the bright side, the Wizards got crazy lucky, winning the NBA draft lottery and selecting future superstar John Wall with the number one overall pick. Apparently, that good fortune was too much for Washington's batshit front office to accept, so they tried to negate that dumb luck by trading for Kirk Hinrich.

Don't get me wrong. Captain Kirk is a solid backup PG who provides solid defense, can play three positions and will be an excellent veteran mentor for Wall. But as ESPN's John Hollinger pointed out, based on the workings of this particular deal, the Wizards basically paid $3 million to take on Hinrich's contract, which will cost them $17 million over the next two seasons.

I guess they just love bad contracts in Washington.

Other offseason moves included: Trading for Chairman Yi, letting a trio of vets (Mike Miller, Randy Foye, James Singleton) depart for greener pastures, signing Hilton Armstrong (yawn), signing Josh Howard (whatever) and giving Andray "Shoot It If Ya Got It" Blatch a three-year, $28 million extension.

That's it. That's the state of Washington's rebuilding effort thus far. Sweet Jesus. I haven't seen something this poorly thought out since KISS Meets The Phantom of the Park:


I'm not sure how this ragtag bunch of shothappy bums and fools is going to win more than 25-30 games. Drafting Wall and adding a savvy vet like Hinrich will help, but this team is a flat-out mess. The Wizards are still several years -- at minimum -- from returning to anything remotely resembling respectability. And the artist formerly known as Agent Zero has become a depressing slob with a crummy beard.

Another season of Washing Generals jokes anyone?

Worst of the Playoff Night: May 10, 2010

The Hawks set a new NBA playoff record for getting blown out in a sweep...not to mention an unofficial record for most sad bench photos.
The Atlanta Hawks: Look, I hate to say I told you so -- oh, who am I kidding...I love saying I told you so! -- but the Atlanta-Orlando series proved beyond a shadow of a doubt what I've been saying since the preseason. Specifically, that the Hawks were, at best, a second tier team.

There's no particular shame in that. And, frankly, it should have been obvious looking at the roster. Their captain and best player is a volume shooter who relies on a steady diet of isolation plays...and that's what their offense is based on. Well, that and running, when they can. That never quite happened against the Magic. In the "Broom Game," Atlanta managed only 6 fast break points.

And as for their All-Star/All-NBA team leader, Joe Johnson, he saved his worst for last. Joe averaged 13.4 points a game on 32 percent shooting over his last seven playoff games. Facing almost certain elimination, Johnson went out and scored only 14 points on 5-for-15 shooting. He also bricked a couple free throws and went 1-for-6 from downtown. In fact, his last shot attempt -- maybe his last ever as a member of the Hawks -- was an air ball from 25 feet out as the shot clock was about to expire.

Not what you'd call a storybook ending. It was more like one of those M.Night Shyamalan movies with the twist ending that leaves you feeling confused, disappointed and full of self-hate.

If Johnson does flee Atlanta this summer, the fans might not be all that upset about it (well, until the team falls into complete ruin next season, anyway). As the AP recap put it: "[Johnson] was booed by the home crowd at the start of the game and got the same treatment when he went to the bench with 3:51 to play. The fans were still miffed that he said didn't care if they 'showed up or not' after they heckled the team in a 30-point loss on Saturday."

I know this will shock and astound you, but Joe doesn't give a shit: "It doesn't bother me, man. I've got thick skin. I've been booed louder than that."

As for the Hawks, the were -18% in 3P%, -15% in FGP, -10 in assists, -7 in rebounds and of course -14 in total points. Speaking of margins of defeat, the Hawks conspired to help the Magic set a new playoff record for playoff asskicking: Orlando had the largest margin of victory in any four-game sweep in NBA postseason history (+25.3 PPG).

Reality check: The Magic and Hawks finished second and third in the Eastern Conference...but the Dirty Birds suffered the most bawful four-game pimp slap in league history. Think about that. Let it soak in. Now read this mea culpa from Scoop Jackson (via chris):

Dear Atlanta Hawks,

Thanks.

That's the only word that feels appropriate. That's the only word ESPN will let me use without violating the language code set in place for moments just like this.

Thanks for making me look like an idiot for publicly picking you to win the East.

Yes, I said "publicly" and yes I did that. Back In January, I went out of my way to tell anyone that wanted to listen that I believed the team from the ATL was going to be the last one standing in the NBA East when it was all said and done.

Over Boston, over Cleveland, over the Orlando Magic.

Now I look like the last comic standing...without any jokes.

This is worse than when I was fooled into picking the New Jersey Nets in 2005 to win the whole thing. Now I know how Rod Blagojevich and Steve Bartman must feel everyday.

So Hawks, my squad, thanks for making me look more of a damn fool.

From here on out, I don't need your help. I can do that all by myself.

Thanks for nothing.

Scoop

Couldn't you almost hear the Journey music playing while you were reading that?

Joe Johnson: See above. And for the hell of it, here are 10 reasons Joe Cool isn't a superstar. For my money, there's just one reason, and it's called "This series."

Okay, okay. One more dis for "iso-Joe" from Basketbawful reader and Suns fan Clifton: "Joe Johnson hasn't changed a bit since the Suns refused to give him all that dough he wanted. Just like getting rid of Marion, it's taken a little while for it to bear fruit, but boyyyyyyyy does that ever look like a good move now. People seemed surprised at his bitter comments about the Atlanta fans after Game 3, but we heard pretty much the same song here in PHX that summer when he was lobbying for his new deal. And, sure enough, as the money nears its end, Joe shows his true colors once again."

Josh Smith: If the NBA gave out MVP awards for teams that just got swept, Smith would probably receive one for this series. But...according to the game notes in the AP recap: "Smith, who ranked third in the NBA with 2.14 blocks a game during the regular season, had only two blocks in the entire series against the Magic."

I'm just sayin'.

Mike Bibby: 11 minutes, 4 points, 2 assists. Let me put it this way, if I was out to eat and my steak came out this done, I'd send it back to the kitchen and then leave the restaurant and never come back. Unless it was to burn the place down.

Mike Bibby watches the slow, shuddering death of his career...from the lonely comfort of the Atlanta bench.
Mike Brown: Basketbawful reader Will pretty much said it all: "There's no way on God's green Earth that Mike Woodson can come back next year. Rashard just hit a three to put Orlando up 21 and the camera cuts to him looking like a cigar store Indian. I wasn't sure if he had a pulse. The Hawks need someone who knows about that orange sphere called a basketball."

Stan Van Gundy, quote machine: "If we're better than you, we're going to win most of the time."

Vince Carter, quote machine: "Guys are just focused. It's unbelievable to see. This is my opportunity for a championship."

Don't worry, everybody. I don't think Vag Carter will be joining the "Antoine Walker Memorial Team of Players Who Didn't Deserve to Win a Title But Did Anyway." The Magic are getting a lot of buzz for sweeping through the first two rounds, but let's be honest: They had two very favorable matchups. I think they're going to get a wakeup call in the next round. And even if they do reach the Finals, I can't see their outside game beating the Lakers' inside game.

Another sad bench photo. And you know what that means...
The Utah Jazz: After dismantling the Denver Nuggets in the first round, the Jazz were feeling pretty good about themselves. Deron Williams dubbed himself the best point guard alive and the Mormon Musicians felt they had a very real chance to upset the Lakers. And hey, they could have stolen a game in L.A., and the third was certainly up for grabs. But once the buzzer sounded after that Game 3 loss, you could just tell Utah was finished.

"We just can't beat these guys" might as well have been written on their foreheads in magic marker. Okay, that sentence would probably only fit on Carlos Boozer's giant forehead, but still. I read somewhere that Utah's practice the day before Game 4 felt like a funeral, meaning the Jazz had lost this one before it ever began.

They're called "motions," and the Jazz were going through them.

The Lakers built a 22-point lead in the first half. Utah went on one of those "Hey, let's not totally humiliate ourselves, guys" runs in the third quarter before slowly and rather quietly succumbing to the inevitable 111-96 loss.

The only Jazz starter who finished with a positive plus-minus score was Kyrylo Fesenko (+9). The rest of them were a combined -56. What does that tell you?

Said Williams: "We're a playoff team and they're a championship team. They're just better than we are. ... We all were discouraged. It was kinda deja vu. It's always hard to get down 10, 12 points against this team and try and come back."

Doesn't this kind of remind you of how the Suns used to regard the Spurs? A handful of solid efforts that came up short followed by a depressed and discouraging playoff elimination. Speaking of discouragement, the Jazz seemed became increasingly intimidated by L.A.'s size as the series progressed. By Game 4, all it took was a handful of early blocked shots by the Lakers' bigs to scare Utah out of the paint for what seemed like the rest of the game.

Oh well. Like Lance Armstrong said in Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story: "Well, I guess if a person never quit when the going got tough, they wouldn't have anything to regret for the rest of their life."

Carlos Boozer: This very well might have been Boozer's final game with the Jazz...and it was the kind he'd probably rather forget, no matter how many illegal chemicals and household cleaning agents are required to induce memory loss. Carlos finished with 10 points on 4-for-11 shooting and committed a co-game-high (with Williams) 4 turnovers (the Lakers had six as a team) before fouling out of the game with 3:31 left.

What's worse, his power forward counterpart, Pau Gasol, erupted like a volcano set off by some evil genuis's giant underground drill: 33 points (12-for-18 FGs, 9-for-11 FTs), 14 rebounds, 2 assists and 2 blocked shots. And that wasn't an aberration. Gasol made Boozer look tiny all series long. Not only that, he was regularly outplayed by his backup over these final four games. In Game 4, Paul Milsap scored a co-team-high 21 points (8-for-14) off the bench. Of course, Milsap also had a game-worst plus-minus score of -29. So maybe that's a bad comparison.

As for the future, Carlos doesn't want to talk about it right now: "I'll figure it out later. It's too soon for all that talk. Right now we're disappointed that we lost and our season is over. All the free agent talk, we'll talk about it in July."

Deron William: From Basketbawful reader phelan: "So Lakers advance with a sweet of the Mormom Musicians. Granted, it's the Lakers and everybody knew LA was going to go on, but still, D-Will needs to get into the WotN somehow just for dooming...no, STARBURYING his team when he said he's the best point guard in the league. It's like a stat curse...without needing any stats!"

Indeed, Deron followed in Stephon Marbury's footsteps from Starbury's last trip to the playoffs as a starting point guard: A four-game sweep...although Marbury was broomed by the New Jersey Nyets, which is a little worse. It was after this head-to-head postseason loss to Kidd that Marbury proclaimed his best-point-guard-in-the-NBA-ness.

Following in Starbury's footsteps is never, evera good thing, as this facepalm proves.
Getty Images: I can say with complete sincerity that my life would have been much more complete without ever seeing a picture of Adam Morrison in his underwear. Thanks for the nightmare fuel, Getty Images. Next time, please send a rusty utensil capable of ripping my eyes from their respective sockets.


Things we dismiss as "coincidence": From Basketbawful reader Mike T:

I have always maintained that the J.A. in J.A. Adande stands for "Jack Ass." I must have been really bored at work to even read his Lakers propaganda, but I'm glad I did because I came across this:

"Pau Gasol had 17 rebounds. Artest made 4 of 7 3-pointers. It kept the Lakers right in the game and allowed Bryant and Fisher to go all 'Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom' on the Jazz with two killer 3s in the final minute."

He even included a link to the YouTube video of Mola Ram.

I'm amazed that Adande reads Basketbawful (I didn't think he had good taste), but I'm not surprised at all that he stole this from your May 3rd description of Kobe's treatment of Utah.

For the record, here was what I wrote:

As a long-time Jazz fan, I'm not sure how much I have to say about this one. It was like watching a rerun of a television show you hate. Utah fell behind early, the Lakers' bench let them back in, and then Mamba went all Mola Ram on the Jazz.

Like Adande, I provided a YouTube video of Mola Ram ripping out a heart. But I'm sure it's just a crazy random happenstance.

Lacktion report: About the only "good" thing that came out of the Lakers-Jazz game was some lacktion for chris to report on:

Lakers-Jazz: Josh Powell produced a pair of fouls and bricks each in 3:32 for a +4 suck differential that also garnered a 2:0 Voskuhl.

For the Mormon musicians, Kosta Koufos and Othyus Jeffers finished up their concertos with a coda lasting 99 seconds -- Koufos hitting a high note worth 1.65 trillion, and Jeffers bricking once for a +1.

Worst of the Fourth Playoff Weekend

The Boston Celtics: If their blowout victory in Game 2 rewrote the script of their series against the Crabs, then their blowout loss in Game 3 re-rewrote it. The Celtics' 124-95 defeat in Boston was their worst home playoff loss ever.

Historic fail.

And this playoff death was swift and merciless. The barf-o-rama effectively ended after 12 minutes, during which LeBron James exploded for a Cleveland franchise postseason record 21 points and the Craboliers outscored the Celtics 36-17.

Seriously, it was a first quarter apocalypse for the Leprechauns. They missed 10 of their first 13 shots, finished the period shooting 27 percent and fell behind by as many as 21 points. By contract, the Crabs shot 67 percent for the quarter. Not a good percentage to give up when your team is built around defense.

At halftime -- with the home team down 22 points -- the crowd booed. You could hardly blame them, but damn. Maybe Mike Bibby was right about these guys.

For the game, Boston let Cleveland shoot nearly 60 percent. Even worse, the Celtics were outrebounded 45-30 and got outscored 50-32 in the paint. They couldn't have looked more helpless if they'd been playing in roller skates on a court full of banana peels.

Said Doc Rivers: "We were awful. We just didn't play with the same intensity they did. They played with a Game 7 mentality."

Added Paul Pierce: "That was embarrassing. That's embarrassing when you lose at home like that, We just let our guard down. ... You've got to know the Cleveland Cavaliers are going to come in here with all the urgency in the world. They took the fight to us early, and we didn't respond to it."

Yeah. And speaking of which...

Paul Pierce: Not only was Pierce the first faulty line of defense against King Crab -- who finished with 38 points on 14-for-22 shooting by the way -- but the Half Truth managed only 11 points on 4-for-15 from the field. Hell, Pierce didn't even hit a shot until midway through the second quarter.

And remember: This is the same guy who said he was the best player in the world after the Celtics won the NBA title in 2008. As always, I'm just sayin'.

The San Antonio Spurs: If you had told me that the key to the Suns winning Game 3 in San Antonio was "releasing the Dragon," I would have assumed you meant a literal Lord of the Rings-style dragon. Then if you'd told me, "No, I mean Goran Dragic," I would quickly chugged down a glass of milk so it could spray out of my nose while I was laughing at you.

Well, the joke would have been on me. And the Spurs.

Dragic one-upped Lebron's 21-point first quarter against the Celtics by going super nova on the Spurs in the fourth quarter of Game 3. Dragic scored 23 of the Suns' 39 fourth quarter points, going 9-for-11 from the field and 4-for-4 from downtown. On one of those threes, he was fouled by George Hill but went up awkwardly and hit it anyway.


Dragic was truly unstoppable...and I'm not even remotely kidding. But don’t take my word for it:


Said Phoenix coach Alvin Gentry: "He's my secret weapon. I don't know where he came from, either."

Mind you, going into that final quarter, Dragic had scored a total of 7 points on 3-for-14 shooting in the other 11 quarters of this series.

Said Manu Ginobili: Everything we tried, it was a bucket and it was demoralizing."

Added Tim Duncan: "Definitely an opportunity wasted."

No kidding. The Spurs went up by as many as 18 points in the second quarter -- the Suns' biggest deficit of the 2010 playoffs -- but couldn't close. Their free throw shooting didn't help. They missed 12 for the game, including five straight in the second quarter (four in a row by Tony Parker and one by Duncan). In fact, Timmy went 5-for-12. Duncan -- The Big Fundamental -- is shooting only 47 percent from the stripe in the playoffs.

I mean, San Antonio got blown out in the fourth quarter (39-24) while Steve Nash, Amar'''''e Stoudemire and Jason Richardson were sipping Gatorade on the sidelines.

Wow.

Even more Dragic from Basketbawful reader Steve:

Although I'm hesitant to join the crowd of OMG DRAGIC love (he deserves it but still), I want to point out that his performance wasn't just amazing for the positive stats. He also had zero turnovers, zero fouls, and zero bad shots. The only thing he did wrong was (inexplicably) miss two freethrows. Let's say 'Bawful has made me pay more attention to those.

In addition to the ridiculous positive stats (and dearth of negative ones), he played Tony Parker as well as you possibly can. Parker's makes were few, and difficult: He made three highly-contested layups versus Dragic (10:05, 8:50, 3:28).

On the other hand, Goran blocked a Tony Parker layup by jumping a foot above TP (29.9 left in the 3rd).

Or there's this sequence (11:44-11:29, 4th) for which the stat sheet read 2 rebounds:

- Stopped a fast break (on a TO from Manu's steal from Barbosa) led by Tony Parker with Frye (11:39 4th) by disrupting the play and getting a good hand in Parker's face to get a miss right at the basket - AND got the rebound

- Turned that into a fast break of his own and would've had an amazing assist on a pass from the half-court line to the wing if Barbosa hadn't laid it up too hard

- But even then, he anticipated Barbosa's miss and got position versus McDyess (I think), Parker and Bonner for the rebound. Parker was so frustrated he reached in and Dragic drew the foul.

He also had several plays that didn't show in the box score at all:

- Coordinated a sweet switch with Frye against Parker who, sandwiched between the two, threw up an awful shot (6:00)

- Pressured the ball out of Ginobili's hands (5:29) with Hill

- Responsible for an offensive rebound (tipping it to Barbosa) (5:12)

- At 3:58, Hill got caught behind a screen, and Dragic was the only Sun between Manu Ginobili and the basket. Manu also had Parker coming down the baseline: This was two on one. Two of the deadliest driving players in the NBA versus the 2nd-year 24-year-old Goran Dragic. Dragic closed on Manu to force him to pass, and anticipating it, tipped the pass away and out of bounds, preventing an almost certain layup.

The mind reels.

Jared Dudley came in and changed Game 2 with his energy and determination without scoring a ton. Dragic one-upped him by not just putting up a freaking INSANE stat sheet (1 point every 39 seconds, 3 Reb, 2 Ast 1 Stl, 1 Blk) but bringing that energy and more to the other end.

THAT is what made it incredible. That's why the Suns won by 14 and not 3 or 6.

And now, the perfect sad Spurs bench photo -- complete with Duncan headpalm! -- courtesey of Basketbawful reader Clifton:


Clifton also points out:

Btw... I think THE biggest reason the Suns are doing so well is because of their team chemistry. Obviously, the individual talents that have been assembled mesh well, but these guys just gelled this year.

Case in point... according to Jason Richardson's Twitter, after practice today, nearly the whole squad went out together to watch Iron Man 2: Richardson, Dudley, Nash, Amundson, Barbosa, Frye, Dragić, Robin Lopez, Earl Clark, and Taylor Griffin. You just get the feeling that these guys are actually good friends, and that extends on to the court.

Agreed. And honestly, it all started when Steve Nash signed that extension last summer. Best money the Suns ever spent.

Oh, okay! One final graphic from stephanie g.:


Tony Parker: 10 points, 5-for-17 from the field, and 0-for-4 from the line. And, as I pointed out, those four straight bricks from the line happened during the second quarter when the Spurs could have totally blown the game open.

Friday lacktion report: Much like me, chris saves some of his best lacktion for Friday.

Suns-Spurs: Jarron Collins continues to celebrate his status as a Starter In Name Only with a three-foul performance in 9:03 that earned both a +3 suck differential AND a 3:0 Voskuhl!

Louis Amundson scored some smackeroos successfully with a 2.95 trillion (2:58) for Alvin Gentry.

Meanwhile, for San Antonio, Keith Bogans bought New Super Mario for the Wii and made it through the first level in just seven seconds or less - appropriate for a game against Los Sols!

The Atlanta Hawks: Damn...maybe it would have been better if they'd just gone ahead and lost to the Bucks in the first round. I mean, this is just embarrassing.

After beating the Hawks 105-75 in Atlanta in Game 3, the Magic have the second-highest scoring differential through the first three games of an NBA playoff series (+29.0 PPG). And they're barely behind the pace set by the Lakers against the Spurs in 1986 (+31.7 PPG).

It's a good thing for Atlanta that Orlando missed 11 free throws.

And it gets worse: This beating was the worst home playoff loss in franchise history. WTF? Weren't the Hawks 34-7 at home during the season?!

All 10 Orlando players who checked into the game scored. Meanwhile, the Hawks shot 34 percent and managed only 8 fast break points (despite being "built to run"). They also finished -17 on the boards and -12 in assists. Hell, pick a stat and it probably pooped all over the Hawks in this one.

Said Al Horford: "It's just not there. The guys know what we have to do. It's just frustrating when the effort isn't there."

Added Joe Johnson: "A tough, ugly loss. Embarrassing."

Yeah. And speaking of which...

Joe Johnson: When your best player gives you only 8 points on 3-for-15 shooting, chances are your team just got its ass kicked. Johnson -- who will probably be seeking a max contact during this summer's free agent bonanza -- has been stinking up the 2010 playoffs. In his last six playoff games, Joe's shooting 31 percent and averaging only 13.3 PPG. Against the Magic, he's shooting 29 percent and scoring 12.3 PPG.

Said Johnson: "Guys look to me for guidance. When I'm playing like that, it's almost impossible for us to win."

Pretty much, yeah.

Joe made a bawful situation bawfuler when he responded to the fact that the crowd was (rightly) booing him during the game: "That doesn't bother me. I could care less if they showed up or not."

Way to be a team leader, Joe.

The Utah Jazz: Well, they fought the good fight, but the end result was the same as if they’d just rolled over and died: an 0-3 series deficit.

It’s hard to grumble too much about this one, considering it was the only truly exciting game of the weekend (although it was awesome to watch the Suns sweep the Spurs). However, the Jazz failed to get the correct amount of hand in the faces of L.A.’s three-point shooters (13-for-29). That pretty much spelled doom for the Mormon Musicians.

Utah also hurt themselves with missed free throws. With 4:09 left in the fourth and the Jazz leading 98-96, Carlos Boozer bricked two straight. Then, with only 1:06 remaining and Utah ahead 105-103, Wesley Matthews hit only one of two. Critical misses in a 1-point loss.

Ron Artest: He actually played great and even connected on four out of his seven three-point attempts. But this is a retroactive WotN for busting on Phil Jackson via Twitter:

Ron Artest has made a point to make his inaugural season in Los Angeles as controversy-free as possible, stonewalling reporters time and time again when asked about his individual effort and turning the conversations to focus on the Lakers as a team.

Artest's Twitter feed, @RONARTESTCOM, is a different story.

Late Thursday night, Artest's account posted a string of tweets expressing frustration with Lakers coach Phil Jackson.

The first unedited tweet, posted at about 9 p.m. PT, read: "Finally Phil Jackson didn't mention me in media before talking me Now I can build on game 2. Hopefully he talks to me before the media."

The next unedited tweet, posted approximately an hour later, read: "Ever since phil mention things about me in media before coming to me first I was weird . So every pray he can somehow close his yapper."

At Friday's practice, Artest would neither confirm nor deny that the tweets were his, even though his brother, Daniel, wrote on his own Twitter account, "Whoever hacked [Artest's] twit page is foul," hours later.

"I'm never upset at my coach," Artest said Friday. Artest would also not verify his brother's claim that the account was hacked, either, saying, "You got to call him."

When a reporter began to paraphrase the tweets and asked him why he would have tweeted what he did if he wasn't upset, Artest said: "No, no, you have to read it exactly. That's exactly what I said? If you can't get it exact, then I can't answer it."

When Artest was further questioned about it, he avoided the question.

"I'm here to talk about basketball, basketball, all basketball," Artest said. "Twitter is for my fans, not for [media]."

Fortunately for Artest and the Lakers, P-Jax is used to dealing with this kind of thing and managed to smooth things over. This is the kind of crap that could have doomed a team like, say, the Nuggets.

Basketbawful reader Geert submitted a nice "response" quote from Jackson: "Ron is a person I think you have to have a more direct influence as far as the subtleties of irony that sometimes I get involved in might pass him by."

Wait...what?

Saturday lacktion report: You know the drill.

Magic-Hawks: Randolph Morris pawed at pure gold in a 2.2 trillion (2:12) payday, while Maurice Evans had an exactly-nine-minute stint of suck: three bricks (one from Peachtree Street), one giveaway, and one foul for a +6 suck differential!!!!

Lakers-Jazz: Josh Powell provided Jerry Buss some poker chips - 1.4 trillion (1:24) to be exact.

The Cleveland Cavaliers: After the way they won Game 3, the Crabs had the Celtics on the ropes...and then Rajon Rondo happened. He just happened. There's no other way to put it. That little dude BLEW UP for 29 points, 18 rebounds and 13 assists in Game 4. Those numbers are as stunning as what Goran Dragic did against the Spurs in Game 3 of the PHX-SA series. I mean...18 rebounds?! That's insane. He's the smallest guy on the floor!

Oh, and LeBron wasn't gonna block this shot...


I bet LeBron wanted to kick something again. Yes, again.


By the way, the same Boston fans who were booing their team during Game 3 were chanting "M-V-P!" for Rondo in Game 4. From Baby Face to Heel to Baby Face...you're starting to lose me, Boston fans.


Oh, one more important stat you won't find in any box score: Rondo finished with one shot to Anderson Varejao's nuts. Just like all his passes...right on target.


Some random numbers: The Crabs were -14 in rebounds, -17 in fast break points and -10 in points in the paint.

The San Antonio Spurs: Basketbawful reader Arouet said: "If the Suns win game 4, you must post this video. No exceptions or excuses. Post it."

Done.


I'm not even sure what to say. As a Suns fan, this sweep exorcises so many demons. The Spurs didn't really play poorly in this series. They did all the same things, pulled all the same tricks, made the same adjustments...they just ran into a Suns team that refused to fold. Even after Nash had his eye remodeled by Tim Duncan's elbow.

Said Nash: "I couldn't see anything." No kidding.
Honestly, this sweep was one of the happiest moments in my basketball watching life. It felt almost as good as seeing a team I'm rooting for win a championship. It was redemption. Sure, the Suns might not get past the Lakers, but so the hell what? This felt good.

Said Tony Parker: "Obviously I'm very sad and very mad that we lost, but at the same time I'm happy for Nash and [Amare] Stoudemire. Because every year they played hard against us and it never went their way. This year, it went their way."

Added Duncan: "We thought from our past experience that we could do some things to control the series, but they just outplayed us. All in all, they just outplayed us."

Indeed.

Grant Hill, quote machine: "He looked like Ray 'Boom Boom' Mancini. It forced him to focus 'cuz he was shooting out of one eye."

Sunday lacktion report: And now, chris presents a special "sayonara, Spurs" lacktivity update:

Crabs-Celtics: Leon Powe jumped into his namesake overhead block for 49 seconds straight to earn a Mario.

Suns-Spurs: Roger Mason jarred up a brick and foul in 5:24 for a +2 suck differential, while Keith Bogans closed out his postseason by quickly rescuing Princess Peach in just two seconds for his second consecutive SUPER MARIO!