Guest post with Sam Moffie... God Bless You Mr. Vonnegut!

This week I introduced author Sam Moffie and his book, The Book of Eli, to Chick with Books readers. Today I'd like to welcome Sam Moffie himself to Chick with Books, where he'll share with us a little bit about himself and share some of his acerbic wit. Join me in a warm welcome to Peter!

GOD BLESS YOU MR. VONNEGUT!

When I was a boy, 5000 bottles of Merlot ago, I thought by age 47 it would be a lot easier to break into the limelight. Now I know how Kilgore Trout felt. The man had hundreds of books written, and the only magazines he could find his name in print, were rags that were very poor by pornographic standards. Wait a minute; at least he was getting published regularly.

Based upon my recent experiences in trying to find a reputable agent and/or a publishing house, it appears that American icon Kurt Vonnegut, like his creation Kilgore Trout, would only be published in tasteless porno magazines in today’s totally absurd literary world.

What do I mean?

I have spent the better part of three months sending out 90% intact Vonnegut’s Breakfast of Champions to various agents and publishing places disguised as The Perfect Martini, only to be rejected time in and time out by all BUT ONE agent, who recognized my sample 20 pages as the first 20 pages of Breakfast of Champions.

Think of that dear reader! If Kurt Vonnegut would be, say my age of 47, we wouldn’t know of him and his characters, because the publishing world would have ignored him. Or as two publishing houses said to me in their little ratty form rejection notes in envelopes THAT I PAID the postage for: “Unfortunately, we have to take a pass,” or “We made our selection, and sorry your story didn’t fit our needs.” I wonder how these two press houses being university affiliated will feel when they get the notice from me about whose writing THEY actually did turn down? For you see, Kurt Vonnegut’s books have always done so well with the university crowd.

Not only am I a huge fan of Vonnegut as a reader; his writing has also served as a sort of teacher for me to try my new trade as a writer of fiction. Although, it is very hard for me to picture Kurt Vonnegut receiving rejection after rejection from notable agents and agencies who after turning you down, do not even send you a personal rejection slip, but scribble a few lines on the original query and mail back to me in my pre-paid stamped addressed envelope how “the work doesn’t fit their need.” “Thanks, I’ll take a pass.” My favorite is: “Not taking on new writers.” How does that one strike you? Imagine how these uber-agents will feel when I inform them how they have rejected the work of Kurt Vonnegut?

This leads me to question a few things. One, obviously, did the agents I query even read the submission? Two, if they did, did they ever read Vonnegut? Three, if they didn’t ever read Vonnegut, what are they doing selling themselves to authors as literary agents who know fiction? And most importantly, four; has an agency or publishing house ever bought a stamp?

I think Mr. Vonnegut would appreciate this story. At least he would admire my imagination in attempting to shine a very small light on today’s publishing world. For sure, Kilgore Trout would be pretty happy with my attempt to kick the publishing world right in the tush, and hopefully shake it out of the slumber it is in when it comes to non-linear fiction, unknown authors, non-celebrity books, diet books, fantasy books, how-to-books, legal books, horror books, and did I mention non-linear as well as unknown authors?

I have been warned by many, that my attempt might embarrass a few people. Agents and publishing houses might boycott me. That this ”hoax” of mine will backfire, because Kurt Vonnegut has only been dead for a short time and the book I picked only 34 years old. My response is two-fold. What, they won’t publish me? They are ignoring me already! Furthermore, I turn to Kurt Vonnegut himself for help.

In 1954 he was hired by “Sports Illustrated.” Knowing very little about sports he was given a picture of a horse which was jumping a fence. Vonnegut spent some time pondering what to write as the caption. His one line was: “The horse jumped over the f---ing fence.” He walked out after leaving that masterpiece.

I guess you could say like Vonnegut, I’m taking a chance.

And, so it goes.

Thank you Sam for guest posting today on Chick with Books! And sharing a bit of yourself and your perseverance in getting published!

The Book of Eli Virtual Book Tour

The Book of Eli by Sam Moffie

Meet Eli Canaan- a sex crazed maniac making a trip to heaven courtesy of the wife he cheated on, a gypsy with an answer for her, and the hex that did the deed. The Book of Eli by Sam Moffie is the story of that trip and what lead up to it...

Eli Canaan is a believer. And, like many, he believes himself to be a principled and moral man. Well, for the most part anyway. But, after a series of missteps, sins, some would say, Eli's life is suddenly and unexpectedly altered forever. A spurned wife, a gypsy, a hex and spiritual intervention may all be at the root of Eli's unexpected, deep and earnest introspection, which is like nothing he has experienced before -

in THIS world.

An uplifting story of hope and meaning and belief in the goodness that can come by opening one's eyes to he Heavens...

My first impression when starting to read The Book of Eli by Sam Moffie was to put it down. The hero of the story was this sex crazed guy named Eli who had a one track mind, that was constantly painted in black & white (and I mean constantly) on the pages in front of me. When Eli finally finds himself in heaven, his wife had hired a gypsy to cast a hex on Eli's philandering ways and it turned out a little differently than she expected, the story takes a turn for the better. Eli encounters a cast of characters that aim to teach him a thing or two about himself and his sinning ways, and to prepare him for a job he was destined to do. God, who has the voice of Orson Welles, greets Eli upon his arrival, Groucho Marx is Eli's heavenly guide, and Freud has a thing or two to say too. Ayn Rand has a chit chat with Eli as does atheist Madalyn Murray O’Hair. The banter between these characters warmed me to Eli and to the book. Well written with a good deal of sarcasm, The Book of Eli is ultimately a story of redemption. A slim book of about 150 pages, that's not quite a "chick" book, but definitely for readers who enjoy a bit of biting humor.

About Sam Moffie... The Book of Eli is Sam Moffie's fourth novel. The other three have won numerous awards and received glowing reviews. When not writing or marketing, he can be found observing human nature at his bars in Youngstown, Ohio. Forty-nine years of age, Sam resides with Juliette and a host of family members who enjoy a good fire, fine wine, backyard foosball, good movies and of course good books. When all else fails, there is always a walk with the dogs.

Sam Moffie is virtually touring the blogosphere to promote The Book of Eli this month courtesy of Pump Up Your Book. Chick with Books is participating in that tour with today's review! I also received my review copy of The Book of Eli courtesy of Pump Up Your Books.